The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Still On A Sober Holiday, Waiting For The Summer!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse

I'm one of the Brave Babes on the Battle Bus, it's HUGE and never gets full, the doors are always open, 24/7, every single day.

We're a mixture of people who have been drinking for most of our lives and in one way or another, abuse(d) alcohol.

Some of us have stopped drinking every day completely and are taking it One Day At A Time.

Some are trying to control their drinking with medication, willpower, AA, some of us aren't quite sure what we want or where we're trying to get, but we're here, we're all in the same boat Bus, and there's a seat for ANYONE who wants one.

You can find the previous threads HERE and where this Bus first started it's journey, thanks to a wonderful lady, who'd hit rock bottom face first (and she'd admit that to us herself), seeking help and advice from a bunch of 'strangers' on an internet forum........

Come have a peek, take a seat, we don't bite or judge. We listen and will try to help, best we can.

Evening, tis me, Mouse*

Nothing helpful to add, just wanted to check out in I guess. Keep going those who are kicking ass! xx

Not enough, and been given two different figures. The phone line is only "open" from 8.30 to 5pm and dd is already attending classes during the day so can't phone. If she does get a minute the message is always that they are busy and to phone back.
Think we are going to wing it and pray for a miracle before we run out of money,which will be less than half way through the course. Friend has offered d temporary use of a flat so we can stop the 7am commuting. Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith.

mrsm please don't worry about 'wasting' their time and resources. A good outcome will save so much on NHS medication etc plus you can share your story with others and they also will benefit.

NoNo been on the mirtazapine about 2 months, but the last couple of weeks I have had very bad aching and stiffness - if I sit in the same position for more than 20 minutes, I struggle to get up! I don't think this is the CFS, so I wanted to quit mirt which I believe can cause this side-effect. Maybe you're right I should go back to the gp first but I hate all the second-guessing and thinking about it - I've already stopped seroxat recently - what else could they prescribe? I just want to get on with things...

Am so fed up of Not Being Quite Right.

Just checking in.
Day 14 just about done and dusted.
Nearly picked several times today but got through. I've used faires think it through Thursday each of those times and resisted but only just.
koti you sound positive tonight, you are doing really well
mrsm go for it, as others have said you deserve help as much as anyone

Thinking of trying controlled drinking tomorrow as going to nice local restaurant (yes it is a pub too) for dinner. This is actually a once a year treat as dsds always take their dad out for a family meal for his birthday and we don't go out for meals normally (like never except if you count McDonalds where I just have a drink and watch NSDH and DS eat as I don't like the food) .
I know its probably a stupid idea but am pretty sure I won't be able to resist and think that if i plan controlled drinking I am less likely to cave in and get hammered.
Perhaps I should decide tomorrow ODAAT.
Hope those not drinking today got through.
Goodnight babes, sleep well.

Joey please don't just stop the mirtazapine without tapering off. You run a real risk of exacerbating your symptoms and you've been feeling so rotten lately that I'd hate to see you feel worse for the sake of a couple of weeks weaning yourself off. Mia x

alias - pls go and see your gp. There are loads of alternatives. Please don't just stop

rural - whatever you decide play the film through to the end first. Can you drive so you can only have one drink? I know I
Couldn't do controlled drinking at the moment without risking opening the floodgates

ma - sounds tough. If she can start that is a good thing. She can then talk to them and hopefully something can be sorted. She can't be the only person in this sort of situation

Just been out for a run. Beautiful morning and ran along the grand union canal. The mist was rising from the water and the sun was rising through the trees. That is the reason I love running. Now if I can only hold that image in my head rather than obsessing about red wine...

NoNo and mia (I know who you are!) I've continued taking it because what I dread above all else is insomnia, and it has helped that. Aches and pains can be improved with large doses of codeine

I haven't been able to get a GP appt, our doctors make it very difficult to make it get any appointment, let alone one with the GP you want. (that's one reason I wanted to just bypass the system and sort myself out)

rural If you choose to drink, and want to to give yourself a limit, I find the best way is to delay the first alcoholic drink. Have a soft drink first, tell yourself you won't have wine until the main course etc. As soon as the first alcohol hits, all reason flies out the window... I also find getting home where there is no booze in the house, after you've been drinking, can be hard. Would you want to continue? Planning is the key.

alias - there are other things that can help with insomnia. i take phenergan and that has really helped me. i found a nice GP eventually who suggested it to me - having been told for years that they weren't prepared to prescribe me anything for insomnia. i don't get any side effects at all with phenergan. you aren't meant to drink when taking it - and if you do, you feel VERY jaded the next day. i would really suggest you go back to your GP. phenergan won't help with depression, but being able to sleep is key for me in avoiding depression, so actually phenergan helps prevent me getting anxious because i am not sleeping, which then triggers my depression.

interesting advice on delaying the first alcoholic drink - i hadn't thought of it like that. i am more worried that if i drink on one day, i am likely to slip back into more regularly drinking eventually. it may not happen on day 2 or day 3, but it will happen at some point. tried to explain again to BF about it last night and he doesn't get it at all. he keeps telling me i don't have a problem because i can and do stop drinking. he refuses to see that the fact i would drink, on my own, every night is a problem. he thinks it isn't a problem because if i decide to stop (like i have now) i can. he isn't unhappy that i'm not drinking but his voice in my ear constantly telling me i don't have a problem is unnerving.

rural I kind of hear some 'bargaining' in your post.... "I won't drink tonight, but maybe I'll try controlled drinking tomorrow because......"

I'd just like to say - Beware! I know all about that kind of mental bargaining and in my experience it doesn't lead anywhere good. Tbh, in my experience, the because ....... could have been for any reason, any reason at all - beacuse I'd done 14 days, because it was a special event, because the sun was shining, because anything. And for me, it was all just an excuse. Trying to convince myself I could drink 'normally', when I knew I couldn't.

I'd agree totally with what alias said about delaying having a drink. Make a positive choice about having the first 3 drinks as something lovely and refreshing and delicious. You may well find after that that you don't want a drink after all, and wouldn't that be a good feeling.

It doesn't matter what bargain you made with yourself last night, or this morning. Take it tiny steps at a time, you do not have to drink today.

Trying to convince myself I could drink 'normally', when I knew I couldn't exactly Venus that's what I've been doing for years and it's quite a relief to finally know that I can't. I really agree with Kot and NoNo about how managing to have one or two drinks on a particular occasion can give you a false sense of security as in "great, I can drink in a controlled way, no problem" and then over a period of days, weeks or months (doesn't matter how long it takes) you get back to precisely where you started and have a bottle, or two....and then the whole depressing cycle starts again. Only each time, it get's that bit worse.

So Rural have a lovely time tonight and maybe think about whether having one or two is actually worth it, especially since you've gone two whole weeks without a drink. Hope I don't sound preachy and who am I to talk, just want you to carry on doing as well as you have done. I have a family meal tomorrow and am so glad DD won't be watching how much I drink and everyone can relax.

I've started writing my memoirs and my love-affair with alcohol is the central theme. I've already sketched out the structure with notes on each chapter - things like boys and early sex/needing to drink to feel comfortable, going to uni and feeling lost/needing to drink to feel less lonely right through to post divorce, finding out that DD is with STBX at new GF's house/drinking to blot out the pain and next thing I know I've been arrested and am spending the night in a police cell . Very cathartic.

rural totally agree with everyone who says drinking tomorrow may lead to more the day after.. you think 'well I managed a couple of drinks with dinner, I can do controlled drinking' let down your guard, and within about 2 weeks you're back to square 1. It's a hell of a lot easier just to stay off completely.

Says joey eyeing the sunshine outside and thinking longingly of barbeques and long, cool G&Ts. But I won't, not today. (see I'm already stronger, this time last week I'd have been secretly hoping DH would buy some alcohol on the way home; now I'm hoping he won't)

NoNo I will look into phenergan, thanks. I don't actually have depression (despite what the GP thinks) I was on seroxat for anxiety.

alias - that is great progress. i won't today either, because it's not worth it today. i think that is all i can do - take it a day at a time and say 'i choose not to drink today because it's not worth it'. for me, being able to set my alarm for 6am so i can get out for a run before work and knowing that i have done my exercise and it is in the bag is invaluable. it keeps me on track throughout the day and stops me worrying whether i will have time to fit a run in when i get home, or will i be too hungry / tired, will it be too late etc... if i drink in the evening, i can't get up and run because a) i am too tired and b) my guts complain like mad and it puts me off going out in case i need to find a hedge!

poor DS back to fracture clinic today and needs to stay in plaster for another 2 weeks.

aww your poor DS, and its the perfect weather for kids to play out on their bikes/trampolines/scooters too (and make the most of it before autumn kicks in) At least he gets out of doing homework if its his writing arm!

Just been reading about the phenergan and it seems its a basic sleeping tablet (antihistamine) but I think my GP wanted me on the mirt. because of CFS and he thought I was depressed which actually I'm not (although I'm starting to feel that way!) Maybe the side-effects will go away...

i think he would still happily go on the trampoline anyway although i did stop him getting on it with other kids at a party on tuesday night - and he was trying to climb on the climbing frame at school on tuesday when i went in to give him some ibuprofen at lunchtime! it is a pain with his writing though. his writing is bad enough as it is! he really struggles forming letters so could do with the practice tbh!

yes, phenergan is a sedating antihistamine. it won't treat your anxiety, but it may be able to be combined with another a/d which may treat your anxiety but may not help you sleep. possibly?? i really would recommend you speaking to your GP if you can bear to make an appt...

it's a fine line with CFS, though, i think. i was speaking to a friend the other night and she was diagnosed with it. the way she was describing it to me sounded so much like my own depression in some ways, and yet i know it is different. it must be quite hard to distinguish between the two. and i can totally sympathise with the desire just to feel 'normal' for once. she actually got pregnant and that sorted her CFS and low feelings out because of the hormones. seems a bit drastic tho!

Hi babes - just checking in. I've been doing some research re. bipolar (which I have) and alcoholism. Apparently, roughly half (more likely two thirds) of bipolar people abuse alcohol/drugs.

I don't know if this makes me feel better or worse.

greyound nice to see you again, I was wondering where you were

NoNo I will mention to DH about pregnancy as a solution to health problems - do you know if this is doctor recommended?

greyhound - hello. don't think we have 'met'. i have noticed on here how many of us suffer from depression or other mental health issues. i wonder too whether there is something which makes us more likely to abuse alcohol if we suffer from depression. assuming the depression came first before the alcohol abuse...

alias - don't think it was necessarily recommended , however, when she saw the midwife for booking in and mentioned her CFS and problems, the midwife said it was likely to make it better. and it has.

they do greyhound - and very often they present first with alcoholism or drug addiction or social problems brought on by behaviour whilst drunk etc. once the addiction is treated it becomes clear they are bipolar and they were self medicating intuitively or consciously their 'not rightness' and became addicted. it's interesting stuff. there's also incredibly depressing stats on how many of us commit suicide. a lot of it is connected to how long it takes to get diagnosed - i think it was something like an average of 9 years to diagnosis - that's a lot of time of struggle and suffering without meds/support etc hence the suicides and the addictions.

sorry - pet interest don't be depressed by it! it's all clues as to how you got here and how you can change things and unpick the tangles.

hope everyone is feeling strong for friday night. think of the positive things you can do with your weekends minus hangovers. i haven't come up with anything yet but there must be something

also just a bit of a head's up really: codeine abuse and withdrawal causes insomnia, aches and pains, depression, allsorts.

very often the things we claim we're taking FOR our symptoms are actually the cause of them and doctors can't help with mysterious illnesses if they don't know the reality of what we're doing to our bodies.

I've read about alcohol and depression. It is, after all, a depressant. There is a strong correlation between moderate to heavy alcohol consumption and depression and anxiety if I remember correctly. There have been quite a few studies into it obviously. It probably explains why the IAPT counsellor I saw asked quite a few questions about my alcohol intake although she didn't go into why.

kotinka hope you are making it past the witching hour

re. alcohol and mental health, I have anxiety issues and have often used drink to try and relax. But recently I found this was just hiding the problem instead of facing up to it.

Talking of which my latest worry is DD who has had a rash for the last 10 days, I thought it was getting better but more spots have cropped up now. All over her chest and back, some on one shoulder (but not the other!) and her arms... Some are like proper almost-chickenpoxy like spots; other areas are a fine rash of tiny bumps.

I suppose I'll have to take her to the docs (ie. spend 40 minutes on the phone trying to get an appointment, go in late to work, and be told by a busy GP it's probably viral and they can't do anything anyway)

Day 5 I think! Maybe I should stop counting days, and just stay away from alcohol permanently - it would make life a lot easier...