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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would I be a crazy stalker or does this sound normal?

182 replies

skyofdiamonds · 21/08/2012 18:44

I was in the bank last week sorting out some things which meant I had to come in on two consecutive days to see the same lad who works there.

He is my age. (early twenties)

Anyway, we seemed to hit it off quite well. I ended up finding out lots about him but I can't work out if he was just doing his job and being nice to his customers or actually having a really good conversation with me.

I found out where he lives
what he drives
what he used to drive
what uni he went to/what he did there
his holidays
his football team
what he did the evening before
where he goes out and how often
how he gets to work
whether he enjoys his job
the crap parts of his job
whether he socialises with any colleagues
what hes doing at the weekend
what hes planning to do in the future
that hes learning a new language
where he eats lunch
about his awful customers
his old job
where he grew up
his previous relationship ended
where he went to school/college
etc etc

He was comfortable enough to whip his phone out quickly to check an update on BBC sport that we were talking about!

At the end he joked that he would message me if I was right about my football prediction but obviously that would go against Data Protection Act etc so wouldn't expect him to! (I'd never do that to any of my patients as I'd lose my job and I'm sure would be the same in his situation)

Surely he wouldn't divulge so much about his customers/ job issues with everyone!

So, would it be really weird to message him on FB about our cheeky joke with the football? Bearing in mind, he gave me his work card with his name on so he was easy to find... or am I a stalker?

He was so lovely, normal and someone I'd love to spend more time with!

OP posts:
whenyouseeitwaveorcheer · 21/08/2012 21:16

Also, aside from the stalkerish-ness - what if you don't get a reply straightaway/at all? He might be someone who doesn't go on fb much, or he might go on there and not see your message as it goes to that obscure other messages folder if you're not friends (as I found out when I checked it recently and there were messages in there from months ago).

Why make yourself sweat?

StrawberrytallCAKE · 21/08/2012 21:22

Go back to the bank and flirt with him again...if he likes you and notices you flirting he will give you another opportunity to give him your number..

skyofdiamonds · 21/08/2012 21:30

I found the card but it doesn't have email, just a direct work number.

Basically, I have no idea how I'd get to the bank to see him when I work 9-5 in A and E at the moment! Also, no reason to go in there now I did everything with him! lol!

As for data protection. He cannot use my contact details for personal use, no matter what! I wouldn't use a patient's contact details if I fancied them, it would risk my career!

What now??

OP posts:
skyofdiamonds · 21/08/2012 21:31

I s'pose I could draw some cash out then go in and pay it back in again. ha!

OP posts:
ThePieSmuggler · 21/08/2012 21:35

I say do it! What's the worst that can happen? That you don't get a response or he gives you the brush off? Neither is nice but it wouldn't be the end of the world and you could just move on whereas if you don't you'll always wonder what might have been Smile

Disclaimer: I do like to live vicariously through others

skyofdiamonds · 21/08/2012 21:38

worst that can happen is he replies saying that I'm a weird stalker and to leave him alone then demand I change branches Blush Grin

OP posts:
ThePieSmuggler · 21/08/2012 21:41

Nah, if your FB message is polite and friendly and you don't send more than one (more than one is definitely stalkery!!) then he'll just get an ego boost if he's not interested and leave it at that. Although just out of interest how far is the next nearest branch... Wink

skyofdiamonds · 21/08/2012 21:46

not sure I have enough bottle to actually type the message out. aaaarghghghgh.

OP posts:
MissBoPeep · 21/08/2012 21:49

Thank God I wasn't behind you in the queue!

How the heck did you talk about all of that over the counter? Confused

skyofdiamonds · 21/08/2012 21:50

Wasn't over the counter! We had a private room

OP posts:
bumhead · 21/08/2012 22:11

Oh you definitely must fb him if you can't get into the branch and don't have his email!
I feel all excited!! Grin
Do it now then report back!!

bumhead · 21/08/2012 22:13

Wait - what does his fb page say about him? Does he have a girlfriend already?
Listen to me Shock - now I'm the stalker! Grin

skyofdiamonds · 21/08/2012 22:15

No he doesn't. He told me he had a GF whole way through uni but not now. Lives with parents still! (he's 23)

OP posts:
bumhead · 21/08/2012 22:19

Go for it then!!

mellen · 21/08/2012 22:25

Can you invent a reason to email him at his work email (some question about whatever your reason for being in the bank was)? if you make the tone friendly it gives him a chance to respond in a friendly way, and it isnt you being a stalker too much Grin.

skyofdiamonds · 21/08/2012 22:26

go for a fb message? so cringey. can't think of another way though!

OP posts:
LittleWhiteWolf · 21/08/2012 22:37

Here's what you should do (but probably won't):
Go to the bank
Chat to him
If you feel like you guys are still getting on so well you say "I'm enjoying chatting with you; do you fancy a drink some time?"
He will say yes (I'm quite sure of this) and then you take it from there.

Don't fb him, it's equal parts stalker and impersonal. I'm 26 so not much older than you. Confidence is attractive; being bold enough to say how you feel is sexy.

skyofdiamonds · 21/08/2012 22:45

There is no way I can get to the bank from Mon- Fri as I work full time at the hospital which is nowhere near and obviously not the type of job where I can nip out! I am not booking last minute annual leave to do it.

He said he occasionally works Saturdays but only as annual leave cover for colleagues so not sure I can rely on that. (He told me that too!)

OP posts:
Cherubim · 21/08/2012 22:46

What about a note? Send him a little note in an envelope, marked for his attention, with your number on it and ask him to give you a ring if he'd like to go out sometime?

Cherubim · 21/08/2012 22:47

I've asked quite a few men out over the years - some I've won, some I've lost, but the majority have liked it. I'm not all that attractive either - confidence is the key Smile

sausagewallet · 21/08/2012 22:52

Just send him a friend request on fb. Do it do it do Grin

skyofdiamonds · 21/08/2012 22:55

friend request? really??

Don't you think that a friend request is a step further than a message?

I'm not sure. Persuade me otherwise! I've still done nothing, just mulling over all your suggestions!

OP posts:
MrsTomHardy · 21/08/2012 22:58

Do a friend request! Go on Grin

Cherubim · 21/08/2012 23:00

Thing is, OP, if you do send him a friend request, and he doesn't accept it, you've lost nothing - like you said, you won't see him. Just be brave Grin

AKissIsNotAContract · 21/08/2012 23:01

I think you should send him a friend request. What's the worst that can happen?

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