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Original poster

To beg my DH not to end our marriage?

114 replies

NewMummy48 · 17/08/2012 23:10

DH has told me that he wants to end our marriage and he will move me out on Tuesday. Sad

He said he wants it to end because he has fallen out of love with me and I am not the women he married, he told me 3 weeks ago that he didn't want to have sex with me anymore and that he hates the sight of me, I just thought it would pass and that he had just had a bad day but there has been no affection, no interest and no conversations from him for over a month.

I admit it has been rocky, I was diagnosed with PND but my tablets gave me horrific side effects and so I was given new tablets to try. These also do not agree with me and I am seeing a specialist in a month for an assessment so I haven't been the most loving wife in the world and I have been ill and run down most days so DH is left to look after DS in the evening's so I can go and lay down which unusually results in me falling asleep. I still do the cleaning and general house duties, I have just been very ill lately and my PND caused alot of emotional problems so I have been ill physically and mentally.

My DH says that he wants the living room at night anyway so I wouldn't be allowed in even if I felt okay.

But he has come out with this, completely out of the blue and he means it as he said that we need to sort out the paperwork etc that's why he said Tuesday.

He has chosen to sleep on the sofa.

I am completely devastated and It is the last thing that I want, he is everything to me.

I begged him to change his mind, crying and pleading that I can change his mind but he told me no and left me in tears while he went to sleep.

Aibu to beg him

OP posts:
charlottehere · 18/08/2012 19:36

shit

Original poster
NewMummy48 · 18/08/2012 20:06

Thank you all so much for the support, H has moved in with his friend Sad temporarily and my DM is coming up on Monday to give her support/help in sorting out the bank, paperwork etc. She said that she has listed everything so we do not forget anything and she is going to offer me support with H and come with us to go to the bank and while he is round sorting everything else out.

She is also very upset Sad

I have decided to move back to where my DM lives and rent while me and DS get back on our feet my family have offered to pay that until I get the money I need/find a job.

Sad my heart is broken, thank you all again for the support.

OP posts:
threeleftfeet · 18/08/2012 20:11

I would get to the bank before he does tbh.

Do you / H own the house?

If so I'd say it's really important to see a solicitor on Monday, before you move out, in case living elsewhere affects your right to a claim on the house.

JustSpiro · 18/08/2012 20:12

So sorry for you that it is definitely over, but at least you have the support and love of you family, and you are already talking about getting back on your feet which is so positive.

I hope you are soon settled in your new home and that your heart mends and goes onto better things.

Viviennemary · 18/08/2012 20:16

I'd think more twice about moving out of the family home if I were you. In fact I wouldn't for another couple of months or so till things become clearer. Though I know you want to be near your Mum for help and support. Could your Mum not stay with you for a week or so. What a totally rotten time for you and having this sprung on you like this just is not fair at all. I agree see a solicitor as soon as possible. Don't move out yet.

Original poster
NewMummy48 · 18/08/2012 20:24

I am going to stay for a month until my appointment with a specialist so I can explain my situation to him/her. My mum is coming for the week and we are going to contact a solicitor on Monday, my friend who lives near my mum has also told me that she will come down the week after my mum does to offer her support.

I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep forever Sad I have never felt this numb and withdrawn before.

OP posts:
onedev · 18/08/2012 20:33

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I'm glad to hear that you have real life support & I'm sure you'll manage to stay strong. You are stronger than you realise All the very best.

threeleftfeet · 18/08/2012 20:38

NewMummy that's great to hear you're going to stay until you're a bit more sorted, and that you have good RL support.

FWIW i agree it's best to move back to where you have support around you, but you do need to make sure you're not loosing out on your financial share of the house for example, in doing so.

This page on Sheltergives lots of great advice on relationship breakdown and rights.

Rowanhart · 18/08/2012 20:45

Get to the bank and take half of everything out quickly - if he hadn't already got there.

Also phone and stop any joint credit cards immediately.

I know this is hard but you need to get smart fast. You need:

  1. copy of his pension
  2. copy of mortgage details
  3. copy of one of his pay slips
  4. any details of pensions/life insurance policies.

Contact the CSA immediately. If not you will receive no back dated support from when he left.

Ensure you get anything valuable out of the house and to your mum's. Give your mum your jewellery.

Get the house valued while you are still there.

This is hard but you have got to fight for everything for your son now! He has already given you an indication of how he intends to play this. He wants your home and he doesn't want to pay towards your son.

You need to get in there first and ensure he can't do this to you.

Lizzabadger · 18/08/2012 20:52

Your mum sounds lovely. I'm glad she's there.

thecatsminion · 18/08/2012 23:29

I'm glad your mum is there. But.

DO WHAT ROWANHART SAYS!

Don't let him clear out your account. Don't let him take you and your DS to the cleaners financially as well as emotionally. Get as much of the money into your account as soon as you can. (I know I'm being against the consensus on splitting it, but fuck halfing it - let him be the one to ask you for his share back to live on).

I know you're sad, but now isn't a good time to be sad. Now is a time to be canny and fight. Time is of the essence.

Good luck OP. There's loads of us here rooting for you, but please, please, get on top of your finances quickly.

dequoisagitil · 18/08/2012 23:37

Yes, don't let him fuck you over. He is already showing his hand by wanting to ship you out and suggesting he'll give 'what he can' towards your dc's upkeep. He's a step or more ahead of you.

foxymoon487 · 19/08/2012 00:00

Newmummy, I implore you to do as Rowanhart says.

We are all rooting for you

charlottehere · 19/08/2012 10:16

I'm so glad you have a lovley DM nd friend for support. I too agree with doing what rowanhart says. Do not underestimate him, he is a twunt of the highest order.

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