To beg my DH not to end our marriage?

[NewMummy48]

DH has told me that he wants to end our marriage and he will move me out on Tuesday.

He said he wants it to end because he has fallen out of love with me and I am not the women he married, he told me 3 weeks ago that he didn't want to have sex with me anymore and that he hates the sight of me, I just thought it would pass and that he had just had a bad day but there has been no affection, no interest and no conversations from him for over a month.

I admit it has been rocky, I was diagnosed with PND but my tablets gave me horrific side effects and so I was given new tablets to try. These also do not agree with me and I am seeing a specialist in a month for an assessment so I haven't been the most loving wife in the world and I have been ill and run down most days so DH is left to look after DS in the evening's so I can go and lay down which unusually results in me falling asleep. I still do the cleaning and general house duties, I have just been very ill lately and my PND caused alot of emotional problems so I have been ill physically and mentally.

My DH says that he wants the living room at night anyway so I wouldn't be allowed in even if I felt okay.

But he has come out with this, completely out of the blue and he means it as he said that we need to sort out the paperwork etc that's why he said Tuesday.

He has chosen to sleep on the sofa.

I am completely devastated and It is the last thing that I want, he is everything to me.

I begged him to change his mind, crying and pleading that I can change his mind but he told me no and left me in tears while he went to sleep.

Aibu to beg him

He's having an affair and is being a total shit.

I'm really sorry.

There's no point begging him.

Please stay in the house and get as much RL and MN support as you can.

How are you this morning ? Hope you managed to get some sleep and feel a little stronger to face this today. Remember how many people are here believing in your ability to cope with this, and who would be round to you like a shot to hand hold/whatever you need if you need them to be there.

yes don't leave in his time frame, move the money, get advice, put a lock on yours and your sons bedroom doors and store important documentation and assets in there. Make sure you have all you need from the lounge if he is "taking it over" including tv and dvd player for you dc. Do an online grocery shop so you don't have to go out if you don't want to.

if you get a chance do snoop- yes the reason for his behaviour is irrelevant right now but might be important in divorce proceedings.

Get your mum to come down and look after you & dc and fight your corner- plus she won't be susceptible to his mindgames. She needs to be down this weekend.

tell him he has behaved disgustingly and he needs to leave to give you time to think - don't beg and don't let him twig that you are regrouping to fight your corner.

so sorry

By the sounds of it he has a new woman who he is planning to move in Tuesday night.

Go nowhere.

If you move out you wont get a council house immediately as you have a financial tie to your home so you will end up with family/ hostel.

You need to stay for your son. Don't think if it as he is asking you to leave- he is throwing his son out!

Morning new mummy. Hope you managed to get some sleep.

This thread has some great advice, and offers of support.

Can you tell us whether you rent or own the house?

You might really benefit from the support of your family or friends. Could you call anyone to come and be with you for a bit? I know you said your family was 300 miles away but I would be there like a shot to help DC if they needed me, your parents may feel the same.

I really don't think it appropriate to announce that he's having an affair, as if it's a fact.

The OP is in a bad enough place already. She doesn't need that playing on her mind too.

Morning NewMummy, how are you this morning?

Please don't beg, I know you need to pour out those feelings so can I suggest you start a diary somewhere, or a blog or just keep posting on here. But do not beg the twunt for anything, it will only make things worse.

Today can I suggest you start doing some research on-line

CSA - www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/ChildMaintenance/IfyourealreadyusingtheChildSupportAgency/DG_198928

CAB - www.citizensadvice.org.uk/index/getadvice.htm

Solicitors in Yorkshire - www.google.co.uk/search?source=ig&hl=en&rlz=&=&q=family+solicitors+yorkshire&oq=family+solicitors+yorkshire&gs_l=igoogle.1.0.0i30j0i8i30l9.64.5934.0.8140.27.18.0.5.5.0.679.2490.11j4j0j1j0j1.17.0...0.0...1ac.PXQPpZiB5eM

PND Support - www.pndsupport.co.uk/

These might help to start with, although I'm sure you have some PND help I know my DSIL found the last site helpful, they offer email support at weekends and have drop ins if you are near hull.

Also, if you are anywhere near Barnsley and need someone to have a coffee with give me a shout.

Good luck and stay strong for your little one. And have a great big hug xx

Agree, please stop the with the he's having an affair, it's not helping the OP at all.

Forgot to add a link to the entitled to site - www.turn2us.org.uk/benefits_search.aspx

Sorry to read this OP. he's a complete shitbag.

Morning op. I hope you wee able to sleep last night.

If he tries to force you to leave you should phone the police.

You have the right to live in the marital home.

How are you financially? Do you have a job to go back to? Is there enough equity in the house if you sell and split it for you to buy somewhere yourself?

Newmummy, I'm so sorry this has happened to you, I don't think it's such a bad idea to move closer to your family but definatley not because he has told you to move out. Tell him to go fuck himself and you'll move when you are good and ready. You need to be really strong now for you and the little ones, take control of the situation ( I know that's easier said than done ) and tell him to pack his bag and piss off today. If you let him stay until Tuesday it will mess your head up even more, he is going anyway so get him out ASAP.. Be strong and keep posting xx

How you doing this morning newmummy? I have to say that in all the years of mumsnetting this vile excuse for a human being is the very worst. Believe me that you WILL be fine eventually and your life will be so much better without this absolute wanker in it. I feel sick to my stomach that anyone could treat their loved one with such utter contempt. Do what you need to do to get the support you need but make sure you get what you are entitled to out of this marriage. Urgent appointment with a good solicitor needed and TLC from family and friends for you.

You WILL get through this and be happier for it. Big hugs and take care x

I am worried that your H is going to increase his bullying tactics to get you to agree to leave. I'm not suggesting physical bullying, more along the lines of emotional abuse- saying unkind things, undermining your self esteem, feeding you untrue facts about the housing and financial situation......

Don't listen to him newmummy, don't let him belittle you.

Hi we have moved this to relationships

Do not beg. Do not move out - this is your home, and your child's home, you do not have to go anywhere. You're married and this is the family home, he can not just move you out. If he feels unable to share the house with you, he needs to go himself.

I agree with the suggestions to get legal advice, make sure you have some money in an account he can't access (do this ASAP), and tell someone in real life, e.g. your mum or a friend.

So sorry this is happening, it must be a horrible shock especially when you've been so ill. I'm sure it can be difficult supporting a partner with depression/PND but there's no excuse for him behaving like this (I am at the very idea that he'd just pack you off in a van because that would be more convenient for him than moving out himself, WTF?)

I know when you are depressed it can be hard to organise your thoughts, so to help, I am putting my advice in a list:

1. Call a solicitor

1. Call your mum/and family members and tell them everything you have told us.

1. Inform the police that your husband has threatened to "move you out" with your son on Tuesday, and tell them you are scared.

What he is proposing to do is not legal.

4.SIGN NOTHING without legal advice.

1. Move all your money where he can't get it.

1. Be strong, stop begging (when he is out of your life you will be SO much happier, trust me)

Hi im near Sheffield South Yorkshire if you would like me to come round and have coffee or hand hold please pm me. Im free all week and can be with you on Tuesday as well.

I had PND with my first child who is now 3 yo and i also have a 8 month old.

Im more than happy to help :)

There is lots of good advice on here please take it.

You need to fight if not for you for your baby. Its his home and money too.

OP, can I just reiterate what other posters are saying about getting your share of the money. The shock I felt when I went into the bank to find our joint account emptied is not something I would like you to feel!

Regarding leaving, if being with your family is something that you will find supportive then you may want to consider it, but not now, not so suddenly, not on Tuesday FFS! Do it on your own time.

I know this sounds unimaginable now but eventually you will be better off. Your H has proved himself to be a very cruel person and one that is best not to have in your life.

If you leave on Tuesday, he can say that you abandoned him and took your child.
This will leave you in a much weaker position in terms of money/house(which he doubtless knows).

Get everyone you can behind you, from HV to Citizens Advice, Womens Aid, Family, Solicitor, police.
In your condition, you need all the support you can muster.
The more people you have in your corner the stronger you be feel, and the less able he will be to bully you.

You cannot make him love you, be in love with you and you are not responsible to make him happy. The best thing you could do is be strong and tell him, fine, he can go if he wants to, do not beg! Its the ultimate turn off. You are probably better off without him but you are in shock and do not know this now.

Newmummy are you OK ? Sending love and hugs

Has he forgotten "in sickness and in health"?

What a shot your H is. DO NOT beg and do not agree to him moving you out. cheeky bastard. Solicitor monday. ((((hugs))))