To not want my dh to remind me I'm just a single mother with kids who he 'took on'?

[Northwentsouth]

Bit of background: this is my 2nd marriage. Exh was verbally abusive & used to smash things up, never showed affection for years, lived separate lives. Been with dh for 6 years, married 3. He's becoming the same person as exh. Goes off at deep end for the smallest things and continually threatens to leave unless I change ever more aspects of myself. Recently he has started throwing the fact that I should be grateful he took my kids and I on as I'm just a single mum. I'm so unhappy. Aibu to expect more from love/marriage?

Please do not quote as may delete at later stage. Thank you.

Sounds like you've jumped out of the frying pan into the fire.

No, YA absolutely NBU.

You deserve better.

YANBU, you shouldn't have to live with a man like that. Dare I say it, leave the bastard.

YANBU.
Leave the bastard

You do deserve better. Be strong for your kids and do the right thing.

Oh lovie, it sounds like history is repeating itself.You have found another woman-hater. I also seem drawn to them. This is why I like being single

Time on your own -without abusive men demeaning you and time to build up your sense of self-worth.

Good luck in getting away from him.

Oh please have this moved to Relationships. Of course YANBU but you need help and support from this thread.

'Love' isn't being mean and making you feel inadequate. 'Love' is WANTING to be there for you and those you love and care for.

He sounds dreadful.

Do you want to stay with him?

I mean, gratitude suggests he saved you from something. It's far far better to be single than with a creepy guy like that.

Poor children and poor you. I don't expect you ever felt you needed him to 'save' you from yourselves.

YANBU - He should be grateful you and your lovely DC's are there to enhance his life. You need to view it like that too and build some self esteem.

No such thing as 'just a single mum' we are strong and brave among many other attributes.

Do you feel able to talk to him or maybe go to counselling? If not then it might be time to consider your other options.

I think however, this thread might be better in the relationships section than in AIBU.

Good luck

Run, until you can run no more...

You should be threatening to leave him, unless he changes.

You should be grateful?

My dh, not the biological father of my dc, feels honoured (not grateful, thats taking it a bit far because he has done plenty for my dc that they should be grateful for) that I allowed him into my dc's lives and that I trusted him enough to let him form a relationship with them. That's the way it should be.

What changeforthebetter says. It is better to start with self-compassion and self-love. I know it sounds like psychobabble but true.

Thank you all for your replies and the advice to have this moved - how do I do that?

Ditch him, be on your own, and focus on your kids. You'll like that much better in the long run. No law says you have to live with a man.

Is this quite a recent change in him? could it be too early to write him off as 'just like the last one' - perhaps there is something going on with him that's making him unreasonable ? (not that i think expecting you to be grateful is excusable by the way)

Sorry you're feeling so disappointed with your 'lot' for the second time. Hope you can get some answers.

YADNBU. You definitely deserve better. If you think there's a relationship worth saving, then try counselling (something like Relate).
I'm another person who believes you need to love and value yourself before you can have a really good relationship - otherwise you tend to pick people who aren't very good for you, cos you don't think you deserve better :( I've been on my own for about 8 years now, and I can tell you, it's loads better than an unhappy relationship :)

OMG-YADNBU. This man sounds like a tosser. Get rid quick.

You are all really telling me what I already know, that I should ask him to leave. I just can't believe this is happening for a second time.

It's not that recent a change in him: it's got worse over the past 18 months. I feel com

I've reported your thread OP and asked for it to be moved for you.

It's actually pretty common for people to move from one abusive relationship into another.

If you report it and ask for it to be moved to relationships.

So sorry that ou are going through this. You deserve better, he didn't take you on, he is lucky to have you, and has no right to be treating you like this :-(

Sorry that message sent too soon.

I feel lost and taken for granted and I think he can be quite cruel sometimes.

We do have fun too, but the good times are punctuated with eruptive outbursts, threats and verbal abuse.

How do I get this moved to relationships?

Many thanks.

To have a thread moved, click "report" next to the original post and tell MN in the report box that you would like it to be moved to Relationships. I'll do it for you if you like.

Thanks for reporting it, shirleyKnot. Appreciate all your replies.

Damn... well, two reports are better than one innit.