why do i care so much about some prick??

[WelshCat]

ugh. sorry if this is ranty but i have had some beers.

I went on a date with someone I had met online on pof. Last Saturday. The week running up to the date he was calling me for 3 hours a night and texting me all day through work. He was proper sweet etc.

Then, date. We had super fun. The next day he wrote all over facebook what an amazing night he had, text me asking if he made a second date and how was I feeling etc.

The next day, he calls me, only to tell me to text him instead because he was watching a film..

Then, basically he has text me less and less since then. I even gave him an out, by asking him if he was into it or not. He assured me he was just busy.

So now he hasnt contacted me at all since yesterday lunchtime, so I know really that he does not give a shit.

But why do I even care? On sunday after our date I wasn't even sure if I liked the guy enough to see him again? And now Im proper upset and offended!

Can someone explain what he has done that is so offensive?

Benefit of the doubt?

A man can go fishing for weeks and catch nothing. He thinks he is a rubbish fisherman. He perseveres and in the end he catches a fish, he suddenly thinks he is the worlds best fisherman and thinks...I might see if I can catch a bigger fish or two next time.

Plenty of fish is very aptly named and sometimes a player (fisherman) will keep returning to the lake to see how many fish he can catch.

On the other had he might just be playing it cool!

Or he might have picked up on your ambivalence and reacted accordingly. So harsh to judge someone so quickly, just because they are not adhering to your norms.

What he has done is blow hot and cold. Text/text/text, long phone calls, etc then nothing. Either he's being deliberately contrary/playing, or he's just a bit thick.

It wouldn't be good enough for me - and as I said above it's not the current AMOUNT of communication (or even lack thereof) its the fact that current behaviour is totally at odds with how he was previously. IMO that doesnt bode well.

Fair enough, but it's only been less than a week since date... He might acutely be busy.

EclecticShock - so you think its fine for blokes to lead women on, lie to them even about their intentions and then fuck off without an explaination? I feel sorry for you if thats what you expect and accept from men in your life.

Everyone else, thanks for you opinions and support. He does indeed seem to be a twunt! If he had just said he didn't want to see me again, then fine! Thats all I wanted. Honesty. I had a date with someome else I met online, I didnt want to see him again, so I told him and I explained why. There is noting worse than being rejected without explaination so you start to question everything you did. I just don't get all the gameplaying etc that they do.

He sounds like a twat

Next !

Thats not what I think at all. I think you are beig ridiculously oversensitive and analytical. Doesn't matter though as you don't like him anyway and are bitching for the sake of it. Good luck to you both.

I'm all for hearing different opinions, hence why I posted. But only helpful ones please. What can anyone gain by you telling me I am ridiculous? Honestly if you think I genuinely have no reason to feel something at being ignored by somebody I thought I had something, however small or fleeting, with then I think YOU are ridiculous.

Hear hear!

You can't have something if you haven't met the person and got to know them a bit. Texting doesn't give you much insight into anything, you could practically programme everyday texts from a robot, you need to see the person in real-life and see how they are with their friends, granny, postman.

I'm sorry you went on one date and were disappointed, but I don't think the guy did anything wrong, you liked each other, you had fun texting and chatting, you went on the date, he said he liked it but perhaps now is thinking better of it which he entirely has the right to do. He could be a player, or perhaps he just made the mistake of too much contact before meeting in RL, and is now on a sharp learning curve. I don't really see what he got out of all this, tbh.

That doesn't take away your disappointment, though, and it's a shame when it doesn't work out.

Well, we are not going to agree obviously. Hope you have more tolerance and understanding with your next date, especially if you like him.

But this doesn't excuse from the fact that the OP gave the guy a chance to say h wasn't interested post date and he still led her to believe otherwise!!

Maybe he changed his mind since meeting her? It's a valid choice? Doesn't make him a bastard. You're not interesting in opinions or understanding, you just want sympathy... Fine but don't call him a prick... If a bloke was posting this calling the girl a bitch... I'd be saying the same thing. Move on and stop dwelling.

He might think you're a little oversensitive? Not easy to have a relationship with someone who is oversensitive after one date.

I have plenty of tolerance and understanding thank you. I just chose not to tolerate people who LIE to my face.

And you can have something if you HAVE met the person,, (which I did) and have spoken on the phone. Being a very unshallow person, relationships etc are very much about personality to me and I think you can get a fair assessment of this over the phone. Yes I agree with texts, as you can't read the real meaning behind them. I am also FULLY AWARE THAT WE ONLY HAD ONE DATE. I am not in love with/trying to marry this guy, I am just making a point about how he treated me. I do think the guy did something wrong. I think either deliberately misleading somebody and/or being to cowardly to be honest is not a nice thing to do. It is certainly something I would never do.

EclecticShock, you are mean. You have personally insulted me many times on this post. Which I think is uncalled for.

lalaloopylou - thankyou, you have clearly read the thread :)

'Maybe he changed his mind since meeting her? It's a valid choice? Doesn't make him a bastard.'

btw, I have no problem with someone not wanting to see me again, he is entitled to this of course. Its the not bothering to even tell me that bothered me.

Im not mean... I'm giving my opinion and you are being defensive. If you post asking for opinion, you should be ready to receive it. Seriously, relax...I'm still not sure what you are upset about seeing as you weren't sure about the guy but led him to believe you liked him? Pot kettle much...

Oh Cat, i can see where you're coming from! Unlike Eclectic..

You got 'full steam ahead' signals, and then suddenly he seems to be backing out.. Confusing, not nice for you, and not a decent bloke..

TBH if i was talking to someone on the phone 2 days after a date, and they asked me to text because they were watching a film, i'd think 'well fuck you matey'..

He's clearly a twunt!

He might have actually been watching a film?!?

OP - If you really want to text him something without sounding like a loon, just send a simple "It was nice meeting you, I hope you find what you're looking for."

Simple and dignified. Yes it lets him off the hook, but surely better than a load of gnashing and wailing.

Thanks Jellykat. I dunno whats up Eclectic's bum. I think she is missing the point.

And Eclectic, btw, if I had decided I didnt want to see him again I would have had the decency to tell him!!!!!!!!! THATS MY WHOLE EFFING POINT WOMAN!!!!

Hmm - I don't think the "text me I'm watching a film" is at all unreasonable. If I was watching a film with people I wouldn't want to make them pause so I could go out for a 3 hour marathon chat about not very much. I think it's nice he obviously wanted to continue talking, rather than just ignore your texts.