What is apparent to me on this thread is that this is the 'real' Orm talking - not the woman who refused to believe that her h was capable of deceit, or the woman who was so desperate to retain her public image in the light of his gross betrayal of trust that she wanted a renewal of her wedding vows to prove to the world that he loved her over and above the ow.
In gaining such clarity of vision you've come a long way in a very short time, Orm. You can now clearly see what it comes down to when the impact of an adulterous relationship on the innocent party is stripped down to the bone.
You now know without doubt that he doesn't walk on water and he's merely a man who's worth is exactly the value that you place on him. And if you choose not to place any value on him, that will be his loss and your gain.
Taking away all the peripheral distractions and coming to the realisation that he's not quite as essential to your wellbeing as you once thought is liberating.
That 'nasty suspicious little part' of you is your natural instinct, honey. Trust it because it will always be as unerringly reliable as the pole star, and I have no doubt it's guided you to an accurate appraisal of the likely scenario that occurred after he set off to school with a letter for the ow in his pocket.
You don't have to take anything on trust, Orm, and you'd be well-advised not to do so. He's proved he can't be trusted and he's going to have to work damn hard before you'll trust him further than you can throw him.
Even if he were to throw himself heart and soul into regaining your trust he may never achieve that particular reward, but that is the price he must pay for acting like a lowdown, deceitful, duplicitous, lying gobshite rather than the man of honour and integrity he purported to be - not just to yourself, but to his employers and to the community at large.
From what you've said, it seems to me he's feeling sorry for himself for all the wrong reasons because I cannot see any evidence of genuine remorse on his part. This, in itself, suggests that your former idol not only has feet of clay, but also that his trotters are clad in the non-attractive lustre of self-entitlement. In short, he's sorry for getting caught and for the inconvenience it's caused him.
That said, I'd advise you not to hold your breath while waiting for him to show any gratitude to you for not kicking him out on his arse when you finally saw the light about the true nature of his relationship with the ow, and for being willing to continue your marrage despite him having trashed all you held dear.
As you know, the 'amazing sex' came about because of the well-known phenomena of hysterical bonding. That sex will always remain 'amazing', a reminder of how it once was and how it could possibly be again but, in terms of scoring points over the ow, it was a hollow victory because she doesn't have to live with the consequences of his affair, and you do.
With regard to his kidney stones, the pain they're causing him is nothing compared with the pain he's caused you and, unlike the one he's afflicted on you, his ailment will pass swiftly.
You may feel crazy but you're not, Orm. Your head is screwed on right and I have every confidence that you will go from strength to strength now that the balance of power in your relationship has shifted in your favour due entirely to you being honest with yourself and seeing him for what he is.