Lots of hand holding required please.

[janflan]

My partners temper has been getting worse lately. He's got family problems which are causing a lot of stress.

He's constantly telling our child to shut up when he's trying to watch tv and they talk. If he's trying to fix something he needs complete silence or the shut ups start and the strops happen.

Last week he told our child to fuck offand i made him leave. That was because he'd told our child they could go on the wii after tea but when it came to it wouldn't switch over. He left but then phoned me to say sorry and that he was stressed about his family problems. I let him back in but now I'm wishing i didn't.

This evening he grabbed our child on the neck because they wouldn't come downstairs when he was told. I tried o make him leave but he wouldn't. He was threatening to take the computer he'd bought me yesterday back. I told him to take it if it got rid of him too. He didn. 't take it in the end. Our child was ok had red marks on his neck but thankfully wasn't hurt.

He left eventually after a few hours and was cross i wouldn't kiss him goodbye.

We're not living together at the moment.

I'm scared what's going to happen next. I don't want to be with him but i don't want him having our child on his own. He's not going to take that kindly. He's threatened to take our child before if i ever leave him and he's very manipulative. I'm worried he'll tell a bunch of lies to get our child.

I know i have to be strong but I'm worried sick.

[maristella]

You think it's easy to make a phone call when an abusive bastard is kicking off in your house???? Trust me, it isn't.

I'm sorry to sound brutal, but I think you are being very naive right now. This wanker has already grabbed your small child round the throat inside your home, then refused to leave.

I don't think a cosy chat round at yours was what the social worker had in mind. If the SW made you sign an agreement not to allow unsupervised contact, then they are likely to be very concerned.

Don't let this get worse. While it is his responsibility to control his temper, it is your responsibility to protect your children. I have been present and involved in the removal of children due to constant exposure to DV, it's heartbreaking and fucking unnecessary.

[janflan]

For god's sake I'm crapping myself again now.!

The social worker suggested he came here so i can supervise.

He's on his way now.

[solidgoldbrass]

Get a friend or neighbour round ASAP so there is someone else there who can remove this man if necessary.

[MiniTheMinx]

Why is he bringing his 15 year old son with him? oh well.

Just make sure you have the phone to hand. Make certain that you set a time limit on your time unless you want to spend the entire evening pussey footing around this bully and don't be suckered in with lots of winging apologies and pleas for forgiveness. What ever you do though do not argue or provoke.

Please let us know you are safe and well, won't you.

[ladyWordy]

please do what solid gold said, find a neighbour. Get your phone to hand with 999 ready to dial.

My gut instincts are telling me not to trust him.

[janflan]

All ok so far thanks for your concerns.

[janflan]

Still ok.

[tuckingfits]

First post on your thread but have read whole thing. You're very brave for what you have done so far. Please let us know when he leaves... Good luck.

[janflan]

Ok he's gone. Ds has been really emotional and angry today but was worse while ex was here.

It was odd but ok no problems. He was calm and sorry and taking all responsibility.

He tried to kiss me on the cheek which i told him not to.

Not sure i want this al the time i think going out places will probably be better.

I do feel a lot better now I'm not so scared but I'm still keeping my wits about me.

[Sunnywithachanceofshowers]

Well done jan. xx

[ladyWordy]

glad you're OK jan. Thank you for updating...

[MiniTheMinx]

Well done and thank you for letting us know you are ok. Do you know why DS is angry? Is he able to tell you how he is feeling? Poor mite. I'm sure it will get easier for you both over time. Will your exP help with finances etc, is he good in that way or do you now have to sort that out?

Anyway, glad your both ok.

[janflan]

The panicky feeling has gone slightly now. I hope he's not lying and he is sorry and doesn't blame me. It'll make things much easier to move on from if it's true. We can concentrate on raising our son then hopefully.

I'm just going to take each day as it comes now.

Thanks for all the support this thread is a life line for me at the moment.

[janflan]

I've tried to talk to him but he won't say. Woman's aid gave me a number for some groups and things i can take him, some sort of play therapy i think. I'm going to ring them tomorrow and see what they can do.

Ex pays maintenance anyway because we didn't live together. Slight problem in that in the last week before this happened ex got my car fixed and bought me a new computer. Over £700 in total. I did say we needed to sort out how i was going to pay him back but he said not to worry about that for now.

[tuckingfits]

Hi Jan. Just found thread again - it wasn't appearing where I was looking for it for some reason.

Glad you updated & that you're both safe. Difficult situation. But you are handling it very well.

[doinmummy]

Hi jan just checking in again. I think you're doing really well, and I'm glad that you're safe after his visit.

Just be careful not to let him con you into thinking that he is really sorry etc. just so he can worm his way back in.

I think that it would be advisable to let him see your son at a contact centre, much safer all round.

[janflan]

No he won't be worming his way back in. Seeing him yesterday did nothing to change my mind.

Everything feels tainted at the moment like there's no joy to be had in anything.

Will post more later just meeting my sister for lunch.

[MiniTheMinx]

Hi Jan, thought I'd just check back and see how you are doing today, you are being very brave and sensible. I hope lunch goes well and you are all feeling a bit better today. How's DS?

A friend of mine has just come out of a 26 years relationship with a man who terrified their children and beat her. The kid's are quite damaged by what they have seen and heard but they are getting better everyday that passes. She has struggled with her 11 year old DS because he also has anger issues but gradually she is getting on top of it. I tell you this because having worked with Kids years ago, they are quite resilient and because you have dealt with it now whilst yours are so young, it is so much better in the long term. It just takes a bit of time and the play therapy is an excellent idea because it is best to let your little DS express any fears and concerns now in safe space rather than bottle it up inside.

[janflan]

Lunch was good i really enjoyed it.

Was feeling better but ex just text me to say he'd lost his job. Since we've been back in contact his texts have been warm and friendly with x's (mine have been polite but distant with no x's) but that text wasn't it was abrupt with no x's. Might sound silly but it's freaked me out a bit and now I'm thinking he's angry with me again.

[doinmummy]

This is what I thought he might do , when I said about him worming his way back. Obviously he's pee'd off at losing his job but you will never be 100% sure that although he's nice today he may well 'turn' again tomorrow.

I would keep everything very business-like.

You will always have the worry at the back of your mind that he will 'be angry with you' no matter how nice he is being.

Ignore the text and keep texting to bare minimum.

[janflan]

Yeah that makes sense.

[janflan]

Am just about to go and meet ex at the castle so ds can see him. Really not looking forward to it at all.

I'm still trying to summon up the strength to tell ds we won't be going on the holiday he's been talking about for months. We were supposed to be going next week.

[janflan]

This is so hard. I'm so emotional it's horrible. Lots of good memorys here which i don't think is helping.

[tuckingfits]

How are you doing Jan? Been thinking about you today. Hope it was calm & reasonable this afternoon. I know what you mean about places having happy memories for you but as time goes by those will fade to insignificance & you will build new ones that aren't tainted by him & his awful behaviour.

Please let me know you're ok & that nothing bad has happened after the job loss...

[MiniTheMinx]

Hi Jan, how are things today? Was ex reasonable?

There are bound to be times when you remember all the good bits but in time you can remember the good bits but they will just be memories. It's strange we seem to have the capacity sometimes to forget the bad bits too so it would seem that an ex was really not so bad after all. Just keep in mind how dreadful things can be and work hard and stay focussed on what is best for you and DS.