Now you've said that about him 'getting you into the habit' of not seeing or contacting your family and friends, I understand a lot more about you. I understand a lot more about your inability to believe that, for example, my husband changed all my son's nappies (that he was around for) in the first year of his life, "because you're breastfeeding, love, you're doing so much work" and "because it's our special time together, isn't it, son?" - basically because it's a good thing to do. Not because he's superman, but because he's a nice man.
I understand how things like my H getting up in the night with DS's nightmares last night "I've got this one, pregnant lady, you get your rest" and then sleeping on the floor in his room for the rest of the night when he wouldn't settle - I get now how that seems impossible to you. But it's not impossible, it's entirely usual in this house because we make sacrifices and do things for each other - love isn't a one-sided struggle, Lala, it's a mutually-reinforced-activity.
Sorry if I'm rambling, I just kept remembering you saying on the last thread "surely no one else's H is any different" and "I know all families are like this" while the rest of us shouted "NO!" at our keyboards in horror.
Now I know he's controlling how much you see other people by his moods and his atmospheres and his "I-am-the-centre-of-the-world-and-you-all-dance-to-my-tune"ness, I understand how hard it must be for you to see a way past this, and I understand why you think you deserve a lying selfish negligent alcoholic for a husband.
But do you really think your lovely, lovely babies deserve a lying, selfish, negligent, abusive alcoholic for a father ? We all want the best for our children. Do you think they deserve a man like him yelling and throwing things and alternately frightening and ignoring them? Really? Or do you want something better for them?
Because that something better isn't him.