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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Separation & beyond.. Lala goes forth!!!

636 replies

LalaDipsey · 01/08/2012 18:49

Hi everyone. Well, the saga continues. H turned up for his single 'abuse assessment session' on Monday to find that the counsellor had, by mistake, booked him in for Wednesday instead of Monday! I was fuming!
I spoke to them and said it may just be one more week to them, but to me I had mentally psyched myself up for H to have this DV assessment and was then ready for a session this Monday coming either together or on my own. Nothing could be done but I was gutted as I had hoped us to be significantly further along by next week and now we won't be.
On the plus side, night 3 of sleep training tonight so hoping for a massive improvement.
Had no idea what to call this thread... Felt this was still the right place as I extricate us from this relationship but I hope by the time this reaches 1000 posts H has either moved out, or is living here whilst the divorce is being processed so I hope the title sums that up!!
Thanks for everyone still with me

OP posts:
LalaDipsey · 20/08/2012 21:37

It's not another chance, per se, it's about me just working this final bit out - If he changed would I want him?
I know some of you will be pissed off with me and feel like I'm ignoring you. I'm sorry.
Math - money & time!! The oldest reasons in the book. I don't have the money to go myself and it's hard enough getting childcare for all 3dc once a week - takes weeks of coordination - let alone twice a week! Now the DTs are napping better I can leave them sleeping at lunchtime so someone only needs to look after dd, but there's really only my mum and one friend that she can be left with.

OP posts:
Lagartijadoesthecrazyshake · 20/08/2012 21:41

BUT HE WON'T CHANGE!!!!!!

LalaDipsey · 20/08/2012 22:21

I have also, today, spoken to the support/police/refuge local group. Counsellor suggested I speak to them to get my name & number 'registered' for a high risk response & to set up a safety plan with them. She said there is nothing more dangerous than a man with nothing left to lose and to make plan to leave and to end it whilst I was still finding it hard to actually do so.
And I have am appointment with another solicitor next week, just to see vs the one I saw a few months ago as he is local and pops up on every Internet search for a good family lawyer.

OP posts:
LalaDipsey · 20/08/2012 22:22

I guess that was to say that I'm not all rubbish!!

OP posts:
MrsTomHardy · 20/08/2012 22:28

Please just move on with your life with your babies....you are wasting so much time dragging this out.

Tell him it's over, end of!! Either he goes or you and dc's do but either way it's over!!!

RedMolly · 20/08/2012 22:30

I don't think anyone will be pissed of with you - maybe a bit exasperated, but not pissed off! We are not living your life but most of us know the situation you are in from one angle or another, and are just desperate for you to find the strength to make the break.

Do i understand you right that you can't have a friend over or make a call while he is there? I do hope i have that wrong. Not sure i get why his reaction to your doing this would make any difference to all the other shit that he did/does. Do you mean that if he doesn't kick off that would mean he was going to change? What has he actually done differently since his big admission that he is going to change?

mathanxiety · 20/08/2012 23:20

I think you have taken important steps there with the alert, and the person you spoke with was so right that you need to have a plan in place. When he drinks he gives himself permission to 'lose it' as you have seen before.

I hope the new solicitor will give you a good sense of what is possible here too.

mathanxiety · 20/08/2012 23:21

I wondered too about that remark wrt phone calls/having a friend over.

LalaDipsey · 21/08/2012 06:50

It's something which has been going round my head since my 'DV' interview at relate. I was asked if he ever stopped me seeing my friends, and he doesn't.
But he's always made it awkward or difficult for friends to come over when he's here. Or for me to make or receive phone calls when it's the evening or weekend. He just makes me feel uncomfortable, or makes an atmosphere so I don't tend to do it. Just another habit I've got into.

OP posts:
LalaDipsey · 21/08/2012 06:57

What he has done differently is control his anger and his mutterings. And he has apologised when, on a couple of occasions, he has got a bit short tempered or muttered. He has now done breakfast with us the past 2 weekends and helped clean away. He is now calling home 80% of the time he is away. He asks about the dc - by name and specifics. And he has been drinking less, but I really don't expect that to last, especially since Sat night. And he has been doing a lot more with the dc.

OP posts:
Lagartijadoesthecrazyshake · 21/08/2012 08:26

But it's still not much more than a friendly uncle, really is it? Sorry for shouting, I know you're moving forward and you've come a long way, but there comes a point when you just need to cut the crap, take a leap and end it.
Also, he chooses to be "nice" less of a twat now. He CHOSE to be a wanker before, he'll will do it again.

MrsTomHardy · 21/08/2012 08:35

Agree.....just get rid and move forward.
Be happy!

CatPower · 21/08/2012 11:49

Oh Lala, you've come so far but you're still clinging onto the man you believed your husband was.

He was never that man. Never.

You and your children are living with a mentally abusive alcoholic, who makes it uncomfortable for you to speak/socialise with other people.

Making the final step and ending the relationship is the hardest part and you're right on the edge of doing it - please stop hovering, it's been months already and he's not changed. He won't, he doesn't feel he has to.

You've got to be brave and be the one to end it, because he sure as hell won't. He has everything he wants, he can even go out on the drink all night and he knows you won't bat an eyelid. Sad

You CAN do this. You have to.

Jux · 21/08/2012 18:37

Didn't you give yourself a time limit, at one point, Lala? I remember you saying it would definitely not be months. Maybe I've got that wrong, though.

Hey ho, you're clinging to the merry-go-round wondering whether it's going to make you sick before you jump off.

mathanxiety · 21/08/2012 18:45

He is watching you to see how much of a massive about turn you are going to take in response to the small things he has managed to do (if he is still getting short tempered and muttering then he hasn't moved ahead much at all and what he has done he has done very reluctantly). He has been getting a huge reward up to now by behaving very badly and he will expect a reward for behaving differently no matter how small the changes he makes.

If you haven't yet told the counsellor about what you now recall wrt phone calls and friends you need to.

mathanxiety · 21/08/2012 18:48

'He has everything he wants, he can even go out on the drink all night and he knows you won't bat an eyelid.'

Yes -- he is watching you, Lala, and taking note of your reactions. He 'gives' with one hand and he takes with the other, and all the time he is making a mental note as to how far he can push you, how much he can get away with vs. how little he needs to give in order to bamboozle you.

HansieMom · 21/08/2012 22:35

When you started, your babies were ten weeks old. now they are seven months? His fuckwittery has occupied all of their babyhood so far.

PlopButNOPudding · 22/08/2012 02:39

I was asked if he ever stopped me seeing my friends, and he doesn't. But he's always made it awkward or difficult for friends to come over when he's here. Or for me to make or receive phone calls when it's the evening or weekend. He just makes me feel uncomfortable, or makes an atmosphere so I don't tend to do it. Just another habit I've got into.

Lala, but he IS stopping you see your friends.

Can you not see that?? What you just described is very wrong and quite disturbing.

Making it difficult for you to do something is the same as stopping you. It's just a more cunning, nasty and covert way of getting you to do exactly as he pleases. Whilst making you feel you were actually the one who instigated it not him: just another habit I've got into

It is very important you stop protecting him in these counselling sessions and just tell things exactly the way they are.

I also don't understand why you're wasting precious time attempting mind games and tests with a man who has successfully screwed with your head for years. You are setting yourself up for more confusion and bamboozling.

Concentrate on getting yourself and your dcs away and into a safe and happy environment instead.

RedMolly · 22/08/2012 08:49

The thing about friends/phonecalls really matters. It is another way of isolating you so that the lifestyle he has inflicted on you doesn't seem that abnormal. I remember way back you saying that you had been at a friends house and was suprised at how their dp played and interacted with their dc. This is what i mean - it shouldn't have been a suprise that men want to play with their children! If you stay with him the same will be true for your children - they won't be able to bring friends home without being afraid of upsetting daddy, or that daddy will say something horrible to their friends. He won't want people around who are not within his sphere of control.

blackcurrants · 22/08/2012 13:10

Now you've said that about him 'getting you into the habit' of not seeing or contacting your family and friends, I understand a lot more about you. I understand a lot more about your inability to believe that, for example, my husband changed all my son's nappies (that he was around for) in the first year of his life, "because you're breastfeeding, love, you're doing so much work" and "because it's our special time together, isn't it, son?" - basically because it's a good thing to do. Not because he's superman, but because he's a nice man.

I understand how things like my H getting up in the night with DS's nightmares last night "I've got this one, pregnant lady, you get your rest" and then sleeping on the floor in his room for the rest of the night when he wouldn't settle - I get now how that seems impossible to you. But it's not impossible, it's entirely usual in this house because we make sacrifices and do things for each other - love isn't a one-sided struggle, Lala, it's a mutually-reinforced-activity.

Sorry if I'm rambling, I just kept remembering you saying on the last thread "surely no one else's H is any different" and "I know all families are like this" while the rest of us shouted "NO!" at our keyboards in horror.

Now I know he's controlling how much you see other people by his moods and his atmospheres and his "I-am-the-centre-of-the-world-and-you-all-dance-to-my-tune"ness, I understand how hard it must be for you to see a way past this, and I understand why you think you deserve a lying selfish negligent alcoholic for a husband.

But do you really think your lovely, lovely babies deserve a lying, selfish, negligent, abusive alcoholic for a father ? We all want the best for our children. Do you think they deserve a man like him yelling and throwing things and alternately frightening and ignoring them? Really? Or do you want something better for them?

Because that something better isn't him.

Jux · 22/08/2012 16:09

Please start inviting people in for coffee, then for lunch. Now that you are separated, it shouldn't matter what he thinks, and it will start getting you into a more normal way of relating to more normal people, iyswim.

mathanxiety · 22/08/2012 16:54

Lala, I recommend the book 'Stalking the Soul' by Marie France Hirigoyen. It is about emotional abuse, what it is and what it does to the victim.

It's not really a self help book. What it does is give the big picture of EA, something I think you do not yet see as you are so close to the elephant so to speak.

Les Carter's 'Enough About You, Let's Talk About Me' is another you might like to read, and perhaps 'Narcissistic Lovers' by Cynthia Zayn.

NoWayNoHow · 23/08/2012 19:44

Hey lala

I hope you are okay today? Have you got anything nice planned for the weekend?

I just saw this on another thread and thought I recognised your "D"H in there quite a lot. Just something to think about...

DippyDoohdah · 23/08/2012 22:21

Still here la la x

RedMolly · 24/08/2012 17:10

If you haven't yet told the counsellor about what you now recall wrt phone calls and friends you need to.

Please do this. Also tell the counsellor that you can't celebrate your birthday on your actual birthday because the date upsets him (and why). She may be able to identify other areas where you are being controlled without even realising it. I don't think you can even begin to realise how much control he has over your life until you are not living with him any more.

Hope you are ok.