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Original poster

DP's choice of porn

88 replies

NotACougar · 30/07/2012 21:50

Hi ladies,

Have namechanged to post this as I'm quite embarrassed but..

Tonight I came on the laptop that me and DP share. I have always know DP watches porn and that doesn't bother me at all. He has always wiped the internet history when he has watched porn (not bothered by this either - would rather that than 'youporn' popping up everytime it try and go on youtube!

Anyway - he watched porn the other night whilst I was out with friends and obviously forgot to wipe the history. The thing that's bothering me is his choice of porn. It's not 'weird' porn at all but it seems he's into 'older' women.

Now I'm not talking granny-porn here! I mean 40something cougars seducing younger men. We are both in our mid 20s and I am younger than him, so this is something that I definately do not fulfill for him!

He has mentioned briefly to me before that he has had relationships at Uni with older women but I never thought anything of it, and now I've become obsessed!!

There is an older women (late 30's) that he works with that quite clearly has a thing for him, and I've always laughed and thought it was quite funny but now I'm worrying! The porn really focused along the 'seducing housewife' storyline. It scares me that he's into this because my crazy mind is telling me this could easily happen in real life :(

Am I being crazy? Do I have anything to worry about??

OP posts:
dondon33 · 30/07/2012 21:57

I wouldn't worry if you're ok with it at other times. It's probably the older woman= more experience thing that seems to turn some guys on.

Houseofplain · 30/07/2012 21:59

It's quite a common fantasy for younger men...to have the experienced older woman seduce him and teach him a trick or two.

That's why there is a whole genre of porn which caters to it, it dosent mean he's going to run off with every older women.

Like those with a fetish for suspenders, heels etc. They aren't going to run off with every woman who wears these.

He's with you, because he's with you. It sounds like a common old fantasy to me.

Original poster
NotACougar · 30/07/2012 22:04

Thanks! Feel a bit better now. I suppose a fantasy is just a fantasy. I just got worried at the thought that its a fantasy I could never fulfill...

OP posts:
Houseofplain · 30/07/2012 22:10

Yes but....if the fantasy was all that great in real life, he'd have continued going out with older women wouldn't he?

A case of the fantasy is better in the head than in rl, and he knows it.

If he liked porn with 20 something's. Then what's the difference? That could easily happen as well.

boodles · 30/07/2012 22:11

It is just a fantasy and it could be worse. I suppose at least when you are in your 40s you know he will still fancy you, infact you will be his fantasy.

familyscapegoat · 31/07/2012 01:07

Why does he use porn? Do you?

How would he feel if you were masturbating to images of other men (of any age) and he didn't feel the need to do the same?

I'm asking these questions because so many women in their twenties and thirties seem to accept this as normal behaviour in their menfolk, but never question why that is so, why there isn't an identical expectation of women needing to use porn and whether there would be a similar level of acceptance in reverse.

angryfurball · 31/07/2012 04:02

It wouldn't be a difficult thing to role play, if you want to fulfill it. I wouldn't worry, he's in a relationship with you so you clearly push his buttons.

WaitingForMe · 31/07/2012 07:37

I think it can be tricky to interpret what he's getting from it from what you see. I've seen the odd thing on DHs computer that had me saying "you're into that? Confused" only for him to point out it was something that came up on a search for something else and the granny/goat was actually wearing/doing x/y. Such as him looking up a particular knot to use on me (we practise BDSM) and the best example being on a ore-op transsexual.

I think you should always just ask.

Incidentally I read the Sleeping Beauty books by Anne Rice would would NEVER want to do anything from there in reality! Fantasy is distinct.

dranksinatra · 31/07/2012 07:39

In my youth, I would of loved an

dranksinatra · 31/07/2012 07:40

Older woman to show me the ropes...

Windsock · 31/07/2012 07:42

I suppose it's a bit like a masterful older man swooshing you off.

Windsock · 31/07/2012 07:43

That sounded sexual. Arf

Original poster
NotACougar · 31/07/2012 10:23

familyscapegoat - he uses porn when he masturbates and there is nothing wrong with that IMO.

I use porn too, but I tend to read it rather than watch it. He prefers more visual things.

I was only concerned that his fantasy would be something I couldn't fulfill for him but I think youre right angryfurball, it is something we could easily role play - might try bringing it up tonight!!

OP posts:
MardyArsedMidlander · 31/07/2012 11:57

"It's quite a common fantasy for younger men...to have the experienced older woman seduce him and teach him a trick or two."

Hoorah Grin

However... I used to go into a papershop which stocked a porn mag called 'Old bags wanting shags'. Not so Mrs Robinson....

Original poster
NotACougar · 31/07/2012 12:08

Hahaha! Might try and hunt down a copy of Old Bags Wanting Shags and supprise him for his birthday ;)

OP posts:
dranksinatra · 31/07/2012 12:13

Arf,arf...and, furthermore, arf.

solidgoldbrass · 31/07/2012 12:13

We all have our fantasies, we don't all want to act them out. And that genre of porn seems to be one of the most good-humoured and playful, on the whole.

Lucyellensmum99 · 31/07/2012 12:14

family scapegoat - My DP uses porn, although very rarely and usually only with me. I use porn to masturbate - he knows this and doesn't have a problem with it. We both like different things (theres a surprise).

LMAO at the old bags - but then hang on one goddam minute - im 41 AngryGrin

Lucyellensmum99 · 31/07/2012 12:15
familyscapegoat · 31/07/2012 16:09

I disagree with your views Op that there is 'nothing wrong' with your partner looking at porn. He and you probably have no idea how it was made and what suffering the women in it have had to endure to make that film. The stuff you read is fiction; porn is not. And before everyone whines that not ALL women in porn are abused, just remember that you cannot KNOW whether the porn you or your partner enjoys has been made in an ethical, non-abusive way. It's not regulated if it's on the internet and so no-one knows.

dranksinatra · 31/07/2012 16:45

Porn is one of the most regulated "businesses" in the world, actually.
Or all the performers would have aids.
Oh, yeah, and the girls are paid way more than the guys.
Look it up..

Houseofplain · 31/07/2012 16:49

Look scapegoat. I do not think this is the place. Some people agree with porn, some people don't. That is NOT what op asked advice on.

She asked if an older woman type fantasy was normal, it is. There is enough pro porn, or anti porn arguments on here as it is.

Not every op has to be a platform for one argument or the other. Not every op has to be told their choices are wrong.

familyscapegoat · 31/07/2012 16:49

I have and you're wrong. Read some Gail Dines for the real truth, not what the porn industry wants you to believe.

The internet is NOT regulated, therefore what goes on it doesn't have to be regulated. That's very different to DVD productions, which are regulated (to an extent) but are not most consumers' first choice when they can get stronger stuff for free on their laptop. The OP's partner didn't buy a DVD after all.....

MadAboutHotChoc · 31/07/2012 17:00

I am with familyscapegoat - internet porn is not harmless.

It is NOT regulated, many suffer internal injuries, diseases and are often traumatised by the time they leave the industry. Often they use alcohol and drugs in order to cope Sad

Also porn can be very damaging to relationships...

Windsock · 31/07/2012 17:16

He likes it she likes it. Nonissue.