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Original poster

DP's choice of porn

88 replies

NotACougar · 30/07/2012 21:50

Hi ladies,

Have namechanged to post this as I'm quite embarrassed but..

Tonight I came on the laptop that me and DP share. I have always know DP watches porn and that doesn't bother me at all. He has always wiped the internet history when he has watched porn (not bothered by this either - would rather that than 'youporn' popping up everytime it try and go on youtube!

Anyway - he watched porn the other night whilst I was out with friends and obviously forgot to wipe the history. The thing that's bothering me is his choice of porn. It's not 'weird' porn at all but it seems he's into 'older' women.

Now I'm not talking granny-porn here! I mean 40something cougars seducing younger men. We are both in our mid 20s and I am younger than him, so this is something that I definately do not fulfill for him!

He has mentioned briefly to me before that he has had relationships at Uni with older women but I never thought anything of it, and now I've become obsessed!!

There is an older women (late 30's) that he works with that quite clearly has a thing for him, and I've always laughed and thought it was quite funny but now I'm worrying! The porn really focused along the 'seducing housewife' storyline. It scares me that he's into this because my crazy mind is telling me this could easily happen in real life :(

Am I being crazy? Do I have anything to worry about??

OP posts:
MadAboutHotChoc · 31/07/2012 17:20

How nice Hmm good to know people like you care about these trafficked, abused and raped women Hmm

KatieisScarlettinSpandex · 31/07/2012 17:22

You could have said that about Iraq.

"Bush likes it, Blair likes it, nonissue"

Except for the dead people, that is.

Houseofplain · 31/07/2012 17:22

I agree with your points fwiw.

I don't think though that EVERY single thread, dragging out the soapbox and telling ops they are wrong, and colluding in abuse. Actually does an awful lot for mn. Especially when there is no signs of being uncomfortable.

There is plenty of information on porn, on mn if an op chooses to look.

Its not what she asked, she is ok with porn, that's her choice.

Windsock · 31/07/2012 17:27

Also presumption porn is for men only

summerholshell · 31/07/2012 20:16

I'm a little on the fence with this one. I do agree that porn can be very damaging, but can being the operative word.

Me and dp used to watch porn together and I know he still watches it occasionally on his own. I stopped because it was getting to the stage where I was becoming bored by regular, albeit, really good sex with dp.

Having said that, it's different strokes for different folks(no pun intendedWink)

Back to the original question though, no, I really don't think that particular kind of porn is ANYTHING to worry about.

dranksinatra · 31/07/2012 20:51

Did you really just mention the war in Iraq??

solidgoldbrass · 31/07/2012 21:28

Gail Dines is a liar, though. S/he misrepresents figures, makes stuff up and uses unsupported anecdotes as data, all to power an anti-sex agenda.

There is plenty of porn made by willing performers, quite a lot made by producers and performers with an active agenda to have a good time and ensure good working conditions.

And anyway, that wasn't what the OP was asking: OP, your feelings are valid, so are his, but lots of people have a 'favourite fantasy' that they are happy to wank over but consider something quite separate from the rest of their lives.

SirBoobAlot · 31/07/2012 21:46

OP, I think its okay to feel the way you do, but everyone has fantasies. Part of the reason fantasies are so exciting is that they will (probably) never happen. They are removed from the reality of day to day (even if you have a very exciting sex life!) which is where the thrill comes from. So try not to let it get to you.

MadAboutHotChoc · 01/08/2012 07:42

SGB - for FFS why do you think being anti porn means being anti sex? You always say that Confused It actually says a lot about you and your hang ups...

You do not know if the porn you are watching is "ethical" - the VAST majority of porn isn't.

It says a lot about a person if they its fine to take the risk that the porn they are watching is not ethical and that they are happy to orgasm over images of abused women.

solidgoldbrass · 01/08/2012 10:55

Madabout: There are no valid figures on how much abuse goes on in the porn industry. Gail Dines makes hers up. People who are very anti porn always at bottom have an extremely narrow and prescriptive view of others' sexual behaviour; anything they don't fancy doing themselves must be wrong.

MadAboutHotChoc · 01/08/2012 11:05

SGB - do you have any evidence to back up what you have just said? Hmm I may be very anti porn but I am definitely not anti sex or anti masturbation.

Even if the percentage of abuse is low (which I know it isn't based on what I have read and its not just Gail Dines that I have been reading), it is still unacceptable.

GoldenFucker · 01/08/2012 14:12

always sgb ?

that's a very strong statement

you have issues with Gail Dines, that is clear, but there is no way you could back up your statement that people who don't like porn always want to police everybody else's sexual behaviour

do what you (collective "you") like, in private

just stop making it so accessible to younger and younger children and promoting the idea to our teenagers that women's bodies are purely there to be used for men's pleasure at their degradation (which is what the majority of mainsteam porn is like, as you know)

GoldenFucker · 01/08/2012 14:13

mainstream

Lucyellensmum99 · 01/08/2012 14:20

sgb with hang ups???? nah shes one of the most least hung up posters on here when it comes to sex. I don't agree with all of the stuff she says but shes pretty together when it comes to that department.

MadAboutHotChoc · 01/08/2012 14:26

From what she has written on here, she has issues with how some other people view sex, porn and monogamy Smile

I don't care what floats her boat (as long as its does not harm others) but I do have an issue about how mainstream porn is being normalised - its already fucking up the younger generation as well as my generation.

ElizabethX · 01/08/2012 15:36

As a matter of interest, is there anyone who objects to porn but not to drug use?

GoldenFucker · 01/08/2012 16:04

LEM, everyone has a blind spot

Porn is sgb's

(IMO)

GoldenFucker · 01/08/2012 16:11

I just got worried at the thought that its a fantasy I could never fulfill...

Give it a few years, you'll get there Wink

Except maybe he'll be into GrannyPorn by then. I believe there is a market for it. Somewhere.

solidgoldbrass · 01/08/2012 16:14

There is a great deal of serious abuse of women and children in the clothing industries - and in the catering and indeed cut flower industries. But it's only the porn industry where the opponents refuse to accept any woman's word that she is not a helpless victim, and insist that the entire industry is not only corrupt but aims to destroy socieity and is therefore irredeemable. You don't get posters jumping all over style and beauty ranting at everyone about how their new blouse was made by six year olds earning a penny a day and being beaten and they can't be sure that it wasn't.
And the claims of the anti-porn side are always the same old mishmash of conflated unrelated figures, anecdote and mythology, all based in the same old patriarchy-pleasing insistence that women don't like sex (unless it's about 'love') and that there is nothing more terrifying to women than a penis.

Back in the early days of feminism, the temperance and social purity movements did women's rights and freedom harm by leading them up blind alleys, the anti-porn obsession of the present day is the same old shit.

GoldenFucker · 01/08/2012 16:16

I have to wear clothes generally

I don't have to support the porn industry

Not a valid comparison

MadAboutHotChoc · 01/08/2012 16:28

splutters how can you compare these two industries? Wearing clothes to erm....wanking Hmm

The rest of your post didn't make sense, sorry - maybe I wasn't reading the same papers/articles Confused

Lucyellensmum99 · 01/08/2012 16:36

you don't HAVE to wear clothes produced in a sweatshop though?

i have a problem with porn in as much as i can't differentiate between porn where the woman is happy to be doing what she is doing and earning a reasonable wage and porn where is exploitation takes place.

GoldenFucker · 01/08/2012 16:53

I cannot ever be a hundred percent sure my clothes were not produced in a sweat shop by an 8yo paid pennies, nope

But I keep my clothes for years. I wear them again and again.

Porn is disposable. The industry has to produce more and more disturbing shit to keep pace with "popular opinion". Have an orgasm, onto the next image (this is generally the way it is consumed although I suppose some people will have their ole favourites like my ole favourite pair of jeans)

So.... wear for wear/orgasm for orgasm, you take a much higher risk that the real people behind your consumption are being debased/exploited/abused.

That's how I see it

LEM, out of interest. You say you use porn but you then make the statement you did at 16:36. How do you square that with your conscience? There are other ways to get your orgasm that don't require risking that what you are using is filmed abuse/rape.

StewieGriffinsMom · 01/08/2012 17:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LostinaPaperCup · 01/08/2012 17:46

Do you make money from porn SGB?