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Original poster

If you are a SAHM do you.....

80 replies

angelp · 07/03/2006 09:01

cook the meals do cleaning, washing and shopping etc? Or do you share the chores?
I am a SAHM and am quite happy to cook the evening meal every day. I do it during the day also put the washing machine on and do the odd bit of ironing. We do have a cleaner because neither of us like cleaning but as I am at home with one DD I don't mind doing the other stuff at all. Reading some of the posts on MN makes me wonder what others do. Some people seem to say No Way would they do all that and DP does half of everything as childcare is full time job too. To be honest I probably spend half an hour to an hour a day doing 'chores' the rest of the time I have to spend with DD. I feel I am the one who gets off lightly because I can do what I want when I want most of the day - parks, coffee out, swimming, play centres. Hardly a tough life. When my DH gets back from work he is tired and it seems silly to 'make' him do his share of the cooking or whatever just to ake sure we are equals. What does anyone else do in this situation? Would I feel differently if I had more children? TO be honest DD (2.5) is a very good, easy and contented child

OP posts:

nemo1977 · 07/03/2006 09:07

I do it all unless dh is home then we share housework. He also tends to do the bigger diy jobs and I entertain the children. I have 2 children DS 2.5yrs and DD 11wks. To be honest if i dont keep on top of housework and washing then there would be no clean clothes full stop. Cooking evening meal is fine for me as DH doesnt get home till 8.30pm or later so he cant exactly cook it. However he changes to a new job next week when he should be home from around 5 so we will probably share the cooking of tea.

julen · 07/03/2006 09:30

Yep, I do the same, angelp. Don't particularly like the housekeeping stuff, but as I am the one at home at the moment, I have the time and opportunity to do it. Doesn't mean that it all gets done though. And dh cooks and washes etc as well, at weekends and when he is home early. It's a bit of an ad hoc affair really, now that I think about it - we don't really have any fixed division of labour.

Bozza · 07/03/2006 09:55

angelp as a SAHM with one 2.5 yo and a cleaner I would say that you could reasonably absorb most of the rest of the chores. My DH does some of the cleaning/ironing/tidies up the kitchen etc but I have two children (5 and 1), work 3 days a week and have no cleaner.

Although having said that I cleaned the house right through (apart from hoovering upstairs because DD is scared of the hoover - I did downstairs while she napped) yesterday because DH was away last night. I also had a filling replaced (my friend watched DD), had DS's friend for tea from after school, took DD to story time at the library, cooked, did two loads of washing and a pile or ironing. But that was an exceptional day and partially because I went out on Saturday night and so did virtually nothing on Sunday.

tarantula · 07/03/2006 09:55

dp is a SAHD and he does most of the housework and I generally get my dinner in the evenings too. Luckily dd(2) generally naps between 4 and 6 so he does the cooking then.

He keeps the house tidy and clean tho we do tend to do a big clean on a saturday morning together.

We share the clothes washing and I do make an effort to do as much as possible. I also do all theironing cos its mostly mine anyway.

coppertop · 07/03/2006 10:00

I'm a SAHM. We don't have set rules about who does what but I certainly don't do everything. Dh does the washing-up and probably about half of the cooking. I do most of the washing but dh will often do some at the weekends. Neither of us do any ironing if at all possible.

Lucycat · 07/03/2006 10:02

I do the same angelp. I do the cooking mainly beacuse I really enjoy it, cleaning - well I do what needs to be done, shopping I quite like too, dh would spend too much, and I love searching out bargains - sad I know, and I do feel guilty sometimes that I have by far the best deal staying at home with dd2 (dd1 is at school) but then 'running the house' and looking after dd is my job, so I do all the finances too.

Having said that when dh is here, we pitch in together, a real team.

saadia · 07/03/2006 10:05

I do nearly all the house stuff - cooking, washing, sweeping, cleaning, and shop for bits in the week but dh hoovers the rugs and stairs and we both usually do the big weekly shop at the weekend.

I think it's only fair for me to do most of the housework as he is working and commuting - and worls quite long hours as well.

ghosty · 07/03/2006 10:05

Yes, as a SAHM I do most of that stuff. It is what I have chosen to do (be at home that is - who would 'choose' to do housework? LOL).
But there is a part of me that tends to 'clock off' at 6pm when DH comes home. He has his job during the day and I have mine during the day so I kind of feel that when we are both home we are both 'in it together' .... I don't see why he should come home and veg in front of the telly with a beer while I cook when I have not had the chance to sit down all day and have 3 cold unfinished cups of tea on the draining board that I tried to drink earlier.
So, he tends to bath the children while I do reading with DS, then when the kids are in bed we take turns to cook. He does do the ironing at the weekend but he does it in front of sky sports so he still gets his cricket fix. I tend to do all the washing and all the other stuff.
I have two children and I have discovered that having just one for 4 years was very cruisy compared to having a 6 year old and a 2 year old ...

Lucycat · 07/03/2006 10:09

If I'm in the kitchen cooking I expect dh to be there too, with a glass of wine acting as my sous chef!! He would never be sitting down doing nothing if I was busy. It's also our chance to catch up with each other and chat about our days.

Mistymoo · 07/03/2006 10:19

I only work 2 days a week (not even full days - school days) and the rest of the time I look after the kids ds (5) and dd (2.5). I do the vast majority of the household chores and have always done that.

I know my dh would do more if I asked him but I'm a bit of an obsessive in that I like things done a certain way. Although looking round the house you wouldn't know

Also I would prefer it if he saw a job needed done and got on with it rather than asking.

My dh works very hard and has done a lot of big DIY jobs around the house (which I end up cleaning up after!) and I do appreciate that as it saves us a lot of money.

satine · 07/03/2006 10:35

My dh is great, and helps out whenever he's at home but I do see the house and kids as sort of my job. I feel really lucky, tbh, that I can decide on a whim to take the kids to the beach, or to a museum or whatever, and I never have that awful sunday evening 'back to work' feeling! So doing the housework etc doesn't seem like such a chore.

iota · 07/03/2006 10:37

I do most house stuff - dh sometimes cooks if he is home in time because he enjoys it.

I am SAHM but kids are at school and nursery/pre-school, so I have plently of time to take care of the chores.

mili · 07/03/2006 11:09

i do most of the housework, but it really doesn't take long, an hour and half at most. dh does the hovering tho, and cooks if i'm not well or don't feel like. he does all the shopping as i can't be bothered (have 4wk dd and haven't been out yet). i don't mind doing the 'chores' as i don't look on it as such. it's kinda fun, compare to being out in college from 8-7. dh does iron as well, i do it only on sat. but we'll probably be sharing once i start uni in the autumn.

GDG · 07/03/2006 11:15

I think that being a SAHM to one 2.5 yr old is different to being at home with more than one - I've got 3 under 5 and it is not a walk in the park by any means. They are all boys and are energetic, noisy and demanding!! I'm a SAHM but also work freelance.

I do all the washing, drying, and most ironing - when I'm busy with work, dh does his own ironing.

I do most of the cleaning too but, again, if I've got lots of work on, dh shares it.

I do most of the cooking too but I enjoy that.

When dh is here we share what needs doing - he usually gets the boys' breakfast in the morning while I go for a swim and then he goes off to work and I take over the children.

At night, he immediately steps in to help with bathing, reading stories, bed etc.

He also does a lot of the shopping - if we need stuff I email him a list and he goes on the way home. He also does loads of errands in his lunch break - going to the bank, post office, picking stuff up we might need, making phone calls.

I think it's absolutely right that it should be shared but then if I only had one child and a cleaner I have to say, I feel my life at home would be rather a doddle!

Flamesparrow · 07/03/2006 11:17

I do pretty much all of it (not that I am desperately fanatical about cleaning ), but it is pretty much with the understanding that if it isn't done, or if I ask for help, then there isn't an issue. I am firstly a mum, secondly a housewife... if the housewifey stuff gets lost while the mum bit is being done, then since we both live and eat here, we can share some of the jobs.

Childcare in the evenings and weekends is joint - I am not on duty 24/7 - I do the independent mummy thing the same hours he works, when he comes home, we are both parents.

NomDePlume · 07/03/2006 11:19

I'm a SAHM, have 3 kids (DS1 - 14, DS2 - 12, DD - 3.5). DH works full time in a v stressful job, but is home at weekends.

I do all the major housework, shopping, laundry and mid-week cooking. DH cleans as he goes along, does most of the more elaborate weekend cooking, and picks the odd thing up from tesco.

jessicaandrebeccasmummy · 07/03/2006 11:24

I am a SAHM and do pretty much nothing!

I help with the cleaning/tidying but cooking etc is down to DH

All helped by the fact DH is on long term sick at the moment so home all day too.... if and when he goes back to work, i may have to start pulling my weight a bit more! (And theres a lot of weight to pull!)

Bozza · 07/03/2006 11:25

GDG - I think I was saying similar to you really. While I have done most of the housework this week it will be different next week when the childminder is off so I have to work funny hours and mess about sorting out childcare for DS.

so angelp I would think it was reasonable for you to do most of the chores, but say you were under the weather with a cold or something, I would expect your DH to step in and take a bit more of the load.

GDG · 07/03/2006 11:27

I think so Bozza - when I'm not working it's not so tough. When I've got projects on, I'm working in all my spare time (ds3's nap time, evenings, weekend) and then dh has no option but to share the load as I just don't physically have the time to do everything.

When I've not got work on (just had a few weeks break!) I don't mind doing it all as I like to have the evening to relax with dh. He would still go to Tesco and do bathing, bedtime routine though.

WigWamBam · 07/03/2006 11:27

I do all the cooking and since dd started school I also do most of the housework.

But I very much agree with Ghosty - I 'clock off' when dh comes home too. I don't see why he should work 9 - 5 while I'm meant to work (or at least be on call) for far longer hours than that. We both have our own jobs during the day and I have no qualms about expecting us to share when he comes home. So dh does dd's bath, puts her to bed, and then we do whatever is left between us.

I'm also not a skivvy, and if I had no help at home I would very much resent the fact that so much of my "job" consists of the houseworky things I hate, while so much of his consists of things he enjoys. I find scrubbing, cleaning, washing up and tramping to school and back twice a day in the pouring rain pretty soul-destroying somtimes. I deserve some perks too, and I don't think expecting dh do the ironing and take over some of the childcare when he's here is asking too much. He may be tired when he comes home from work but so am I, and neither of us is more important than the other when it comes to deserving a bit of time off.

Heathcliffscathy · 07/03/2006 11:29

i have one 2.5 year old. am studying three half days and one evening a week. have a cleaner. i do most of the cooking, we share putting the washing on and out to dry. don't own an iron, so are wrinkled but ironing free.

i don't think life at home with a 2.5 year old is a doddle even if you did nothing but look after them...that's what a nanny does as a full time job and she doesnt' do all the housework too does she? nor would she describe her job as a doddle i don't think.

LilacBump · 07/03/2006 11:33

i do all the housework. i cook, though because DP works nights he often cooks his own evening meal. i do the shopping with DP as he needs to drive me there. i manage all the finances. DIY and car things are DP's responsibility. he also is supposedly going to help me with gardening.

GDG · 07/03/2006 11:35

I'm just comparing it to 3 under 5 Sophable - by her own admission angelp is not finding it hard. Compared to having 3 small boys - one would be very easy - not only in the house but in terms of getting out and about. It's not easy to take 3 under 5 for 'coffee out', 'swimming' or 'play centres' - it's hard work and it's stressful. When, for whatever reason, I get to take one out it is a complete doddle!

DissLocated · 07/03/2006 11:37

I do all the cleaning (which isn't much, I'm not exactly houseproud) I do the cooking and shopping because I enjoy it, but if I'm fed up I tell dh to cook or get a takeaway and he's happy to do that. I also do the washing but only iron mine and dd's clothes.

dh bathes dd on alternate nights and get up with her in the mornings to do breakfast and getting dressed 3 times per week.

It doesn't feel like hard work to me, dd is 22 mo and a very easy child. She's also at nursery 2 mornings per week which is a lifesaver, gives me time to do exciting things like this morning when i went to the tip. (To deposit, not pick up, I hasten to add)

Heathcliffscathy · 07/03/2006 11:38

fair enough gdg

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