Relationship? Or just a pile of shit?

[saggyhairyarse]

So, I have been with my partner for 2 years, he moved in a year ago. The last 6 months have been awful. He doesn't communicate anymore as he is always "too tired, about to go to work, just got in from work ya de ya de ya de".

He does nothing around the house at all, just leaves a trail of destruction in his wake; for example, he will use an ear bud, walk around whilst doing so and then just drop it when he has finished with it or leave it on the bed/desk/kitchen worktop/where ever he might be. He has even pooed on the loo seat and not cleaned it up. It is not just a case of leaving wet towels on the bed, it is proper skank. Another example would be that the front of my house looks like something out of shameless as I am having a new kitchen and the skip was late so I trimmed all the grass, swept the drive, weeded etc to make it look a bit better. That evening he comes back and washes his van, smoking fags and jsut flicks them all over the front that I have just cleared up.

Yesterday I had a bit of a trauma as I lost my purse containing a lot of personal info and documents that I needed. I was going to the bank to pick up the cash to pay the builder and I couldn't withdraw the money as I lost my ID and bank cards on the way So I called him and asked him if he could lend me the money for 5 days, until my cards came through, and it was jsut an outright no.

I know he is entitled to not lend me the money but considering the circumstances I cannot understand his lack of support. I would do that for any good friend of mine, no questions.

What with that and him generally being an offensive, moody, skanky, unsupportive prick, I think our relationship is dead in the water. Thoughts?

LP, you are an inspiration!

He tried to sabotage you going to uni?

I am baffled as to how anyone could unintentionally crap on the loo seat! I have had D&V bugs and still not done that.

I must say that many of us have tolerated total twats after the demise of a marriage. I did! I have a proper diamond now!

I read you OP to him and he was disgusted.

So glad you are leaving the bastard!!!

My ds has done most of the things you mention - crapping on the loo seat , spitting drink in my face for a laugh, being generally dirty and unreasonable.

But he is 7 and has autism, so I try to be understanding.

Can't believe a neurotypical adult would do these things and expect it to be tolerated.

Get rid!

Sounds like you're meant to be grateful he's not shitting in the sink. If he was raised by wolves I'd say give him a chance to adjust to life in the human world. Otherwise, sayonara baby. What a waste of your time and goodwill he sounds.

thenightsky, basically, on the Access Course we had multiple assignments to complete for each subject each term so you are talking between 6 bigger assignments or 12 smaller assignments every 6-8 weeks. I managed my time well but towards the end of term there was a lot of complete. Without fail, he would choose the most stressful times, the last two weeks of term, to kick off about something. At first I didn't notice/assummed it was a coincidence, by the end of the year I would just say "I will speak to you about this in two weeks" :D

On my graduation night they gave an award to the student who had progressed the most and when the Course Manager was talking about who it was she mentioned that it was a "he" and my BF said "ha ha, it's not you then". I think he thought that I presumed I would get it because I got distinctions in all the work I did but the award was not about that, it was about a person accomplishing a lot on the course and to be honest I didn't even think I might get it as was already able to do the academic work, I just needed evidence of recent study. So, yes, I do think he tried to sabotage me completing the course to go to University and I think he is a bit gutted that I did so well.

Tribpot, I think my STBXBFs problem is that his mother had a child out of wedlock, then a big gap, then met BFs father and had him and he has been treated like a little Prince. Not so long ago he went to the ub near her and he couldn't drive, he asked her to give him a lift to my house 40 miles away and she did

"Not so long ago he went to the ub near her and he couldn't drive, he asked her to give him a lift to my house 40 miles away and she did"

If the boot was on the other foot, wouldn't you drive him 40 miles to be at his mother's house instead of having him stuck with you?

OP, please will you come back when the dust has settled and confirm that you have binned this tosser provide us with an update? Have a lovely holiday.

I will :) I spoke to a real life friend today and told her everything, there's no going back!

Thank goodness - and if there had been a prize at uni for 'best achievement whilst living with a man capable of shitting in a sink', you would have won that, OP. What a complete tosser trying to wreck your mood during the ceremony - I do think genuinely you did extremely well to keep going with the course with him constantly undermining you.

Oh yes, I recall my ex throwing a massive wobbly and then giving me the silent treatment because I'd said I could only help him on his farm for a few hours and then needed to revise - three days before the final exams for my foundation degree.

I got a distinction and he's still a cunt.

saggy you are a fab poster that I see around the place often

what are you doing with this excuse for a man ??

think of this as a temporary aberration (we have all had them...) and get shut of the manchild (except he gives children a bad name...)

he is vile, and a fucking useless waste of space

don't even think about giving him another chance to treat you like shit on his shie when he comes a-begging (he will)

shoe

Kernowgal and I bet he always had a certain sort of smell didn't he? I dated a farmer for a while.

I recall an old bf of mine trying to put me off going to Uni

he said "we will drift apart and I won't know how to stay faithful to you if you are not around..."

wtaf ???

that was the straw, he was binned that day, never to go back

saggy, you will soar without that inadequate millstone dragging you down

Curious he would generously have a wash if I was staying over. I can't describe how he lived for fear of giving his identity away but suffice to say it was only a few steps removed from having a relationship with a Mongolian nomad. Ahem.

Occasionally when I stayed over, beetles would run over me during the night. He thought it unacceptable that I'd sit bolt upright and shriek because I had disturbed his sleep.

Never mind that I didn't get a moment's shuteye because of all the wildlife sharing the space with us.

Oh heck Kernowgal I had it lucky then

Even his mum used to say to him that I put up with an awful lot. How little she knew!

I recall him once describing in minute detail the process for artificially inseminating dairy cows. I fear it may have been an attempt at 'getting me in the mood'.

How erotic!

Kernowgal, that is SO SO grim. What did you see in him???

Thank you AF, that means a lot. His neice called me the other day to ask what was going on and I told her and she said "Well you knew what he was like when you moved in" but in my mind you never really know someone until you are with them 24/7. I certainly would not have chosen to live with a man that treated my house like a skip!

sometimes it takes a while to realise

don't waste that realisation

that you are worth more than a man who leaves used earbuds for you to pick up

Kernowgal - I'm wondering if you are local to me and I know you... My DH is a farmer and he has a dairy farmer friend in the next village who has dreadful trouble keeping a girlfriend...

Apparently, his way of "getting them in the mood" is to make calf noises in their ears and offer to milk them!

QuietTiger noooooooooooooo So glad I didn't have coffee in my mouth.

OP we all can wear blinkers and once they come off it's quite blinding! You're doing great and it's good his family know what he's like too.