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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationship? Or just a pile of shit?

105 replies

saggyhairyarse · 28/07/2012 11:32

So, I have been with my partner for 2 years, he moved in a year ago. The last 6 months have been awful. He doesn't communicate anymore as he is always "too tired, about to go to work, just got in from work ya de ya de ya de".

He does nothing around the house at all, just leaves a trail of destruction in his wake; for example, he will use an ear bud, walk around whilst doing so and then just drop it when he has finished with it or leave it on the bed/desk/kitchen worktop/where ever he might be. He has even pooed on the loo seat and not cleaned it up. It is not just a case of leaving wet towels on the bed, it is proper skank. Another example would be that the front of my house looks like something out of shameless as I am having a new kitchen and the skip was late so I trimmed all the grass, swept the drive, weeded etc to make it look a bit better. That evening he comes back and washes his van, smoking fags and jsut flicks them all over the front that I have just cleared up.

Yesterday I had a bit of a trauma as I lost my purse containing a lot of personal info and documents that I needed. I was going to the bank to pick up the cash to pay the builder and I couldn't withdraw the money as I lost my ID and bank cards on the way Blush So I called him and asked him if he could lend me the money for 5 days, until my cards came through, and it was jsut an outright no.

I know he is entitled to not lend me the money but considering the circumstances I cannot understand his lack of support. I would do that for any good friend of mine, no questions.

What with that and him generally being an offensive, moody, skanky, unsupportive prick, I think our relationship is dead in the water. Thoughts?

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 28/07/2012 11:53

I'm glad you said, "He moved in" because now, no question about it, he can move out again.

saggyhairyarse · 28/07/2012 11:53

The kids did not see the two above drink related incidences. They are also usually in bed by the time he gets in from work. It is difficult to explain but for example, if we are eating dinner when he gets in, rather than join us with his plated up meal he will sit in the back room on his own. He is not unkind to them at all.

OP posts:
AtLeastThatsWhatYouSaid · 28/07/2012 11:55

No OP, he is unkind to you and disrespectful to you and your home.

It's just as bad!

Doha · 28/07/2012 11:55

When is he moving out? Today l hope

saggyhairyarse · 28/07/2012 11:56

I am not defending him in the previous post, just trying to explain.

I know what i've got to do, I just needed the confirmation of others that my issues are not valid.

OP posts:
CuriousMama · 28/07/2012 11:56

Oh that's ok then, keep him Wink

saggyhairyarse · 28/07/2012 11:56

*ARE valid, sorry

OP posts:
CuriousMama · 28/07/2012 11:56

Good glad you know he's no good. You'll look back on this and shudder

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 28/07/2012 11:57

You have confirmation that he's a waste of space. You know what to do now.

pictish · 28/07/2012 12:00

Oh and black humour led me to LOL when I read your thread title.
You don't need us to tell you, do you?
But seeing as you're asking...we agree with you.

saggyhairyarse · 28/07/2012 12:02

I have had a really rubbish week. I am meant to be going on holiday tomorrow but I can't find one of my childrens passports (I have booked to get one made up in a week), i've had to postpone my holiday anyway but then I lost my purse yesterday with my passport in it. I am having a new kitchen so am ripping out the old one which is hard work, my skip was late. Because i've got the builders in i've arranged to stay in Weymouth next week (free accomodation) but obviously the Olympics will mean it is v busy. I've had to rearrange dog, cat, gerbil/hamster care, rebook tickets, cancel bank cards etc etc etc as well as entertain 3 x kids. I am starting Uni in September as well and am sorting out student finance etc etc.

Yesterday he came home from work and I said I felt really stressed and he said "you don't have the monopoly on stress" and cut me dead. I actually wanted to pack his stuff there and then. I can't believe i've picked another wrong 'un!!!!

I think its me thats the prick, lol!

OP posts:
saggyhairyarse · 28/07/2012 12:03

LOL Pictish :)

OP posts:
QuietTiger · 28/07/2012 12:05

Get rid before your holiday and change the locks. Start by packing his skanky shit stuff in black bags and throwing it in the skip.

Guaranteed to make you feel better. Wink

saggyhairyarse · 28/07/2012 12:07

I am going away on Monday. I will sort this out when the kids are away with their Dad when we get back. It isn't a case of that I am putting it off and will back down, my head might explode if I have to deal with this on top of everything else.

If I get the building work done and the kids are out of the picture, I can sort it out properly.

Thank you ladies, I needed some straight talking as i've been all over the place what with everything.

OP posts:
AtLeastThatsWhatYouSaid · 28/07/2012 12:07

No OP, your not a prick at all. You sound far too nice.

If you continue with this relationship he will grind you down further.

Don't let him give you a sob story when you kick him out. If he has nowhere to go then that's his problem for being a skank!

saggyhairyarse · 28/07/2012 12:08

I would LOVE to do that QT but I haven't the charcter to deal with the faulout and will forever be thinking karma will bite me on the arse.

OP posts:
CuriousMama · 28/07/2012 12:08

Blimey you're making me tired just reading it! Get rid asap. He's a cocklodger. I've made a few mistakes before I met dp. We only learn this way. I hope he isn't going on holiday with you?

CuriousMama · 28/07/2012 12:09

Karma? You have nothing to worry about there. He's the one who should worry but he's so arrogant he won't.

CuriousMama · 28/07/2012 12:10

Out of curiousity, where did he live before he cocklodged with you? Or is it his place?

Mellower · 28/07/2012 12:11

Oh he sounds awful. So many awful men out there but I have been told there are some nice ones.

Your last sentance speaks volumes!!!

saggyhairyarse · 28/07/2012 12:14

No he's not. Another sore point, LOL (there are many). Back in April I was sorting out holidays due to the kids being away with their Dad and trying to tie it in with builders being in so I suggested options, one of which being the option I booked after him saying he would like to go and dates were OK.

Three weeks ago he said he didn't think he could afford it, even though my Dad paid for our flights as staying with one of my relatives and very cheap destination. Then he was coming, then he wasn't coming ad infinitum. In the end, I just said, "Right, I am making a decision, you are not coming now, we will go without you, you can carry on working and sort out what it is you need to do (these are things he has had all year to do but now they are suddenly important).

OP posts:
CuriousMama · 28/07/2012 12:15

Oh my word. If you were my friend I'd have to slap you with a wet kipper.

saggyhairyarse · 28/07/2012 12:16

He was living at his Mothers but he had lived with two previous GFs and in London on his own. Apparantly, he kept his place spotless....

I think, basically, he has no respect for anything that is not actually his.

OP posts:
CuriousMama · 28/07/2012 12:17

Bingo! He's actually an ex of mine dontyaknow? Wink Except that ex was tidy. Oh and he ended up stalking me and I had to get out an injunction. But he lived with his parents and looks for single mothers to cocklodge with. He has another poor cow now.

CillaSlack · 28/07/2012 12:18

Is he staying in your house while you're away?