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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationship? Or just a pile of shit?

105 replies

saggyhairyarse · 28/07/2012 11:32

So, I have been with my partner for 2 years, he moved in a year ago. The last 6 months have been awful. He doesn't communicate anymore as he is always "too tired, about to go to work, just got in from work ya de ya de ya de".

He does nothing around the house at all, just leaves a trail of destruction in his wake; for example, he will use an ear bud, walk around whilst doing so and then just drop it when he has finished with it or leave it on the bed/desk/kitchen worktop/where ever he might be. He has even pooed on the loo seat and not cleaned it up. It is not just a case of leaving wet towels on the bed, it is proper skank. Another example would be that the front of my house looks like something out of shameless as I am having a new kitchen and the skip was late so I trimmed all the grass, swept the drive, weeded etc to make it look a bit better. That evening he comes back and washes his van, smoking fags and jsut flicks them all over the front that I have just cleared up.

Yesterday I had a bit of a trauma as I lost my purse containing a lot of personal info and documents that I needed. I was going to the bank to pick up the cash to pay the builder and I couldn't withdraw the money as I lost my ID and bank cards on the way Blush So I called him and asked him if he could lend me the money for 5 days, until my cards came through, and it was jsut an outright no.

I know he is entitled to not lend me the money but considering the circumstances I cannot understand his lack of support. I would do that for any good friend of mine, no questions.

What with that and him generally being an offensive, moody, skanky, unsupportive prick, I think our relationship is dead in the water. Thoughts?

OP posts:
Longdistance · 28/07/2012 12:19

Dumperty dump I say.

Bloody hell, get rid and fast!

Just pack his bags, and bye bye!

saggyhairyarse · 28/07/2012 12:19

LOL, CM! You mean there are more sub-standard specimens out there. Lord, help me.

OP posts:
CuriousMama · 28/07/2012 12:19

Of course he's staying, his feet are so cocklodged under her table he can't move.

saggyhairyarse · 28/07/2012 12:20

No, I said he had to stay at his Mums as there won't be any water etc here anyway.

OP posts:
saggyhairyarse · 28/07/2012 12:20

He really won't be because I am giving his key to the builder!

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 28/07/2012 12:21

Ah, so he just doesn't get to move back in?

CuriousMama · 28/07/2012 12:21

Oh sorry I was wrong.

This is the best time to get rid of him. The expense of changing your locks is so worth it. Pack his stuff, have it on the front and have locks changed. You do not need this waste of space in your life!!!

startlife · 28/07/2012 12:21

I think he has started to show his true colours which tends to happen at around the 18 months - 2 year point. I doubt his behaviour will improve as he seems to lack basic respect for you and if anything it will escalate.

I'm glad that you feel able to get rid of him, too many women hang on to poor relationships because of the fear of being alone and of coping financially and practically on their own. Get rid before he starts to erode your confidence.

CuriousMama · 28/07/2012 12:23

I'll take your karma for you.

Dear God if saggyhairyarse has any negative karma coming because of getting rid of the cocklodger than I solemnly declare to take it all for her, Amen.

There, risk free now Grin

Xales · 28/07/2012 12:24

Buy a new lock and bung builder £10 to change it the day you leave taking 1 key with you and keeping the one he needs to get in.

Let him know that is it your spare and not to give it to anyone.

Come back, black bin bag stick in the skip all his stuff and tell him to come collect.

He is not a boyfriend/partner sorry.

Xales · 28/07/2012 12:24

he needs to get in = builder of course

saggyhairyarse · 28/07/2012 12:25

OLKN, that will be how it works out, I guess.

I separated from my alcoholic ex-husband after 10 years of putting up with shit, i'm not doing that again!

The two drink related incidences killed it for me.

OP posts:
saggyhairyarse · 28/07/2012 12:26

I've got to go now, but thank you ladies. I will think about the lock changing, promise xx

OP posts:
thenightsky · 28/07/2012 12:26

God he sounds revolting. His mother probably doesn't want him back.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 28/07/2012 12:26

It's a smooth way to handle it. Enjoy your holiday!

struwelpeter · 28/07/2012 12:53

Hah, thought you were with my ex for a moment there. But at least he isn't violent. Weymouth will be glorious, one less child to worry about. Think you will come back to lovely new kitchen and stress free life. Do get rid now and get locks changed. I bet he is the sort that decent men see right through, too. The only karma that is coming to you is the good stuff Smile

saggyhairyarse · 28/07/2012 13:02

Ahhh, thank you struwelpeter :)

OP posts:
Kernowgal · 28/07/2012 22:26

This is one of those occasions where I wish we could have a western-style rogues' gallery section with these fellas' mugshots so that no other poor lass has to go through what the OP has. Poo on the loo seat? - that's beyond minging. I'd be tempted to tell his mum about that one. You have some serious good karma heading your way!

joblot · 28/07/2012 23:21

Good luck saggy. If you're handy/confident, changing locks is usually straightforward, btw.

ThePieWhoLovedMe · 28/07/2012 23:32

Anyone who makes you feel like shit is a piece of shit ....get rid - life is too short

solidgoldbrass · 28/07/2012 23:54

When he's gone, make yourself a promise to take at least a year without dating. I was sort of waiting for you to mention that your last relationship before him was with a shitbag: your knob-radar is broken. It's very often the case that a woman who has had one shit relationship will take up with another shitbag on the grounds that he doesn't do whatever bad things the last one did. So if Partner 1 beat you, you might take up with a man who is a minger like this one because, hey, at least, he doesn't beat you. But it's not compulsory to have a partner, and it's much better to be single than to have some lazy selfish man shitting all over the place.
Get rid of this one and good luck for the future.

saggyhairyarse · 29/07/2012 00:10

Between splitting up with STBXH and getting together with the STBXBF, I was actually happy living on my own! He used to stay over a lot and at the time I was on benefits and didn't want to get done so after a year he moved in, big mistake. He thinks he gave me the moon on a stick because I don't get income support anymore regardless of the fact that I was at college and am going to Uni in September and 'have a plan' anyway Hmm

Over the last few months i've come to the conclusion that I just can't live with anyone. The kids and I are really happy when we are on our own and I can't be dealing with another manchild plus I like my own space and am just too busy studying; i've just finished the Access to HE course which he continually tried to sabotage and i've got 2 years at uni ahead of me.

SO, SGB, I will be taking your advice as I jsut haven't got time to be distracted by this nonsense and I do actually value myself and know that I deserve someone who is supportive.

Just got to get through tomorrow and then it's goodnight Vienna Wink

OP posts:
IvanaNap · 29/07/2012 00:26

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn as this poster has privacy concerns.

LapsedPacifist · 29/07/2012 01:24

You Rock! Going to Uni in September? Grin

I went 2 years ago, aged 49. Best thing I ever did! Grin

Get rid of this disrespecful tosser. You have it all worked out, and know you have nothing to lose. I dumped my extra 11 stone of unwanted dross 12 years ago and never looked back. Got re-married to lovely and adoring DH (at 42) have fab new life in beautiful city, gone to University etc.

It's all there for you too Smile . Seize the day!

pictish · 29/07/2012 01:36

Nice one OP!