The Brave Babes Battle Bus - All Going On A Sober Holiday! <crosses fingers that it stays sunny>

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, mouse

Welcome to The Brave Babes Battle Bus, grab yourself a seat, they're really comfy and a , oh and a home-made chocolate chip before they all get eaten!

We're a Bus full of alcohol abusers/addicts, some of us say it out loud, some whisper it and some aren't ready to say it at all just yet.

That said, there are a few of us who just have the occasional drink and that's something that they can handle. There are a few of us who must NEVER have another drink because that first one will lead to many, many more which will only ever end badly.

We're open to all....there are no requirements to join us on our journey to sobriety, there's support, great laughs, tears and tantrums here and that's just me!!!

If you'd like to see how we got here, follow THIS LINK

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Well, we've woken up to Seth having nose bleeds so he's off to the vet. We're supposed to be going away today, it's our wedding anniversary gift to one another, DH pays for the hotel and I get the fizz (a rare treat to have the real stuff) and pay for other things too, ice-cream, ice-cream and more ice-cream.

We've always tried to do something to celebrate, go to stay somewhere gorgeous. We're off to Aberdovey in mid-wales. It's a gorgeous place and the hotel is right on the beach front.

So I'm hoping that Seth just has a grass awn or the like up his nose and it's causing the bleeding. He could also have an infection and did feel warm to the touch just now........

Koti - I hope you are feeling better today? I'm starting Atkins again tomorrow as I've eaten way too much bread of late and put a half stone back on. Grrrrr! It's the ONLY diet that really works for me, that combined with low everything - fat, sugar, cals etc.

I am the same as you though with the cravings for pizza, I'd sit and drool watching DD eating pizza

It's a glorious day again here so I hope it is where you are too. Keep going Koti - you're doing great! xx

Gugg - 2 days is great! Any number of days is great. I found that it'd eat at weird times and craved salty foods when I first stopped drinking. Now it's sweet stuff and I have a cupboard full of Haribo sweets and treat size chocolate bars I've never heard of anyone getting serious health issues from the odd gummy bear!

Today I will be drinking. I will be sharing a bottle of VC (posh fizz ) with DH once Nemo is asleep and we're sat out watching the sea rolling in and out of the little bay the hotel is set in. I can almost smell the sea air.

By planning to drink, by allowing myself to drink, I know that I will drink responsibly and not get wasted because I want to remember the night for all of the right reasons.

I'm going to get myself some new memories, new happy places, new things to think about when I want to explode and totally lose it.

Hope everyone is okay this morning?

happy anniversary mouse have a lovely time at the hotel - hope seth is ok and there are no spanners in the works.

good to see you too faire. some great ideas there but sadly i'm so not craft mum. off to my folks house to do some watering (they're on holiday) shortly - will go there through the fields to run off some steam from dog 1 and boy. going to go to the cinema and do some bits and pieces in town tomorrow.

anyone have any experience of toenails coming off? ds dropped something on his foot a few weeks ago - first he had a completely black toenail then that faded and it has been gradually lifting off of his toe from one side - it's now only attached at one side. seriously gross stuff and i have no clue what to do other than leave it alone and let it work it's way off? presumably they grow back? is there anything i'm meant to do to it?

soba - have read back a bit - are you planning to drink again when the antabuse is out of your system? what's the plan?

mouse - eek! I hope seth is ok and you can manage to get away soon. Congratulations on your anniversary! Aberdovey is gorgeous ... it sounds perfect.

kotinka - good to hear you sounding so happy! I'm feeling good too though my sleeping patterns are just all over the place ... but there are loads of lillies coming out on my patio so I am enjoying those and taking it all slow.

Hope all the babes are having a good sunny Sunday morning.

Saf - If it's come off on the one side, it's likely to need to come off totally (did you see what I did there? Toetally? )

DH's brother is missing a toenail after something was dropped on it when he was little.... it's never grown back. Have you Googled it? Mind you, pictures of half hanging on/off toenails isn't great to look at.

Is it sore or infected at all? If not, and it's dry etc. maybe see if you can get it off? The danger with it being half on/off is that he'll catch it on something and it will tear the skin around it.

UPDATE ON SETH -vet has called and said he's not got anything wedged up his nostril, he's too young for them to expect it to me a tumour so she thinks it's a burst blood vessel in his nose and he's sneezed which has burst it.

As soon as she said that I was immediately cast back 28 years to when I used to have the most horrific, looks like a scene from Texas Chainsaw Massacre kind of nosebleeds!

I once had one so was off school. I sneezed and a massive spray of blood splattered the fire place, wall, sofa..... the lounge was covered!

My father had years or taking me to A&E in the small hours of the night to have it chemically cauterised, they used to use liquid cocaine to numb the nostril first. I had it electrically done too.

I once went with my head in the bin from the lounge because we had nothing else to contain it in!!

Anyway, the vets are going to do bloods and keep him over-night so we can go away for our little break.

Hey you!

How are you feeling today Silver?

Just off to shower, not ignoring you if you reply but I'm keen to know how you are my friend xx

Thanks Mouse as if the toenail wasn't bad enough I now have the 'bloody sneeze' scenario in my head < feels sick >

Saf some big lout of a lad accidentally trod on dds toes a couple of years ago and both big toenails turned black. They eventually came away on their own when a new nail grew underneath. I did take her to GP and they said new nails might never grow, so they were wrong there but it might be worth taking your ds because if it does need to be removed, they can do it for you.

Well done kotinka now you know you can do it, it should start to get a little easier.

Have a lovely day Mouse, I hope it is calm and serene, romantic and restful and everything you could wish it to be x

Oh, that's great news mouse. Poor thing, but he will soon feel better if it's just a burst blood vessel. Hope your break is good!

If we keep talking about you, you will have to stick around when you hear your name, you know! Like MIFLAW (ok, I'm hoping ... that man is going to have such an ego trip when he reads this ).

Hi Mouse - i'm good thanks

Tinka - how good do you feel about yourself this morning? Toldya

thanks for toenail advice - and YES it is gross silver ! i'd say 3/4 of it is lifted off and where it joins is newly a bit bruised looking as if... well i think it is gradually dying itms. it appears dry and uninfected where it has lifted but is sore where still attached and yes hurts like hell when he knocks it bless him.

would like to avoid doctor's and/or removal if at all possible as he really, really hates people interfering with stuff that hurts. you have to promise that you're not going to touch whatever is hurting him for him to let you look at it - he honestly hasn't suffered trauma at anyone's hands

will see how it goes over the next few days. glad your dd's grew back faire! suspect it would be more of an ishoo for her than it would be for ds who would probably think it was some kind of trophy to get out and show people. at the minute he thinks it's hilarious to gross me out with it.

mouse - glad seth is ok and you can still get away.

how is everyone coping with the summer triggers? last weekend was the first time we got to eat outside in my mum's lovely garden and they had their seasonal 'ooh a nice cold glass of shandy would be nice' moment - it sort of snapped me out of the one day at a time mode and into hmm am i really never going to drink again? never have a cold beer on a sunny day? type thinking. i have bought some full fat coke and fresh lemons and put them in the fridge so when i get that treaty drink in the garden urge i'll have something there.

My DH does it too, and used to do it more - it's really annoying! kot, can you sit him down and tell him you really need him not to do it? People on here last time with me gave me loads of help to phrase it better than that, and it did help when he realized a bit more.

For the question ... for me, all sorts of things. I always knew on some level it wasn't good. I went to university with people who were extremely fucked up (lovely people, but bad things happened to some of them and there was a heavy booze/drug culture), and I was badly depressed, and I knew the alcohol was really a bad thing. I kept trying to cut down or stop and not knowing how, and being in a blur of thinking that I didn't deserve to stop, and I didn't deserve to feel safe, and I couldn't do anything good with my life anyway.

I think three big things really helped me - one was getting out of a bad relationship and getting onto a course at university that I'd applied for on spec. Both of those things made me feel I had a second chance. I was still drinking but I was also feeling as if there might be something halfway decent I could do with my life. And secondly then I met DH, and he was great at helping me see that I wasn't as awful and stupid and useless as I was feeling.

And thirdly, I was physically knackered, and I could see that eventually I would do myself a lot of damage or kill myself. And I think it's the combination of those three things that helped me see how much damage I was doing and also that I didn't need to be drinking, and I didn't deserve to be drunk and useless all the time.

There are, obviously, various memories I would rather not have which I could describe as 'rock bottom' moments, but I think on the long view, it was the positive stuff - the fact there was something to hope for - that really made me think I had to get sober.

What about you? (No need to say if you don't want). It was a good question.

For me it was the hangovers Kotinka. Feeling crap for a whole day (usually a Saturday and/or Sunday so wasting my weekend), all for the sake of a few drinks to unwind on a Friday night.

Eating crap, not exercising, gaining weight, drinking a 'hair of the dog' to feel better, and then repeating the whole flipping cycle day after day after day.

What a waste of a life.

That sounds familiar faire.

I think the paranoia hits, too. I am enjoying just feeling it lessening and going away and I would think in a month or so it will be gone.

one of the things for me was blackouts - not of anything major luckily but just the horrible creeping feeling of knowing there's something back there but you can't remember, missing periods of time and details, not being sure how you ended the evening and all this at 5am with a sickening headache, toxic sweat and awful generalised anxiety.

what really did it for me was a year or so of trying to do controlled drinking and how utterly exhausting it was to be constantly obsessing about drinking or not drinking and to keep going round in the same old circles. plus the mental exhaustion of having to put the denial back in place every time i failed and wanted to feel ok about drinking again. headfuckery really.

Oh, gosh, that's not trivial at all - no wonder you would be motivated. I would think being motivated for your kids is the best reason. They will be proud of you, I'm sure.

(And, oh, god, that horrible feeling when you wake up and try to think back ... yup ... not a fan of that! And then you check your phone and email ... not good.)

Hello lovely babes

mouse happy anniversary :) hope you have a lovely break.

kotinka a mixture of things for me: blackouts, anxiety, a garage full of bottles, hangovers...

I was hammered on Friday night and haven't posted since. Today is day 2.

Oh, we all have rants like that I bet!

sunny - hello! Good luck with day two.

just checking in - sorry to miss birthdays and anniversaries.
busy weekend varnishing surrounds and sills for new windows, house like a bombsite.
Two G & Ts last night - half pint glasses with loads of tonic - so feeling ok.
have a lovely weekend mouse