The Brave Babes Battle Bus - All Going On A Sober Holiday! <crosses fingers that it stays sunny>

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, mouse

Welcome to The Brave Babes Battle Bus, grab yourself a seat, they're really comfy and a , oh and a home-made chocolate chip before they all get eaten!

We're a Bus full of alcohol abusers/addicts, some of us say it out loud, some whisper it and some aren't ready to say it at all just yet.

That said, there are a few of us who just have the occasional drink and that's something that they can handle. There are a few of us who must NEVER have another drink because that first one will lead to many, many more which will only ever end badly.

We're open to all....there are no requirements to join us on our journey to sobriety, there's support, great laughs, tears and tantrums here and that's just me!!!

If you'd like to see how we got here, follow THIS LINK

Fresh and alive Venus, I reckon that's the best choice I can make this evening:) Have a safe weekend everyone and see you all on Monday xx

kotinka !

Well, I was going to say that you will soon start to find bits and bobs to do, but it sounds as though you have your hands full (ahem) already. O.K. this is where you reveal that you were searching for a lost sock, whereas I have revealed that my mind is in the gutter.

Obrigada that is a wise decision! I'm only just feeling better from last night's hangover. I've had two weeks of eating and drinking crap and I look awful. My skin shows that I'm not looking after myself properly and I've put back on the weight I'd lost by abstaining.

You however will be sober and look fab

Evening, tis me, Mouse

Koti - I need to learn to be strong enough to cope without using life as an excuse to pull another cork.

Yep, you do but do you know what? Today I wanted to drink anything, and I mean anything, alcoholic the moment Nemo slapped me in the face for the third time. Infront of our friends. And it really hurt.

We came home and he started yelling for DD to go away from him, she'd come to see if I was okay.

He hit me some more. I did the naughty step until I couldn't pick him up anymore. I took him for a bath and he pushed the side off the bath in, which I repaired, he did it again, I asked him not to, again, I asked him calmly to sit on the bath mat to wait for his bath to be ready, he did it again so I picked him up, screamed that he was a hateful brat and put him on the landing, slamming the bathroom door behind me.

I am not that mother you see, the one yelling at her kid to 'shut the fuck up or get crack' nor do I ever hit my children but for a split second today I wanted to run (hobble) far, far, far away from DD, DH and Nemo as fast as I could for the fear of what I might do to myself.

IE - get utterly shit faced, punch a wall...... kick a door in. I'd NEVER lift a finger to another human being, (unless in self-defence) but seriously, I scared myself.

My friends said I look stressed and tired. I have no liquid morphine, I've run out until tomorrow so my pain levels are sky high, I'm doubled over in pain at times, Scrunched up, unable to walk.

I can't play with my son the way I want to, I feel like a single parent, I have so much to deal with, the cleaner wasn't good, I have Nemo's assessment hanging over me.... it's our wedding anniversary on Sunday, DD is off to Manchester tomorrow for a week, we have to be here, there and everywhere......

BUT - I didn't pick up. And I won't. Because at 3am when Nemo shouts "mamma bear" I want to get out of bed with a fuzzy glow of loving emotion, not a scowl because I need to sleep my boozing off.

It's by no way a competition - my day was worse than your day - but life is shit at times.

Treasure the good stuff, the great stuff. Find times in your life that truly made you take a deep breath and smile a huge smile.

Take yourself there, take yourself to that place and see it, feel it, breathe it.

Mine will always change because nice things do happen. Nemo says sorry, DD cleans up for me without any asking or incentive because she knows. DH brings me flowers, kisses me gently, tucks me in, looks at me in that way...... an old friend calls, I look at photos of happy times, family events..... places I've watched the sun go down.... and up again!

You just need to find something to take the edge off that isn't chemical based. I've done a shit load if years masking my emotions. I binned that mask the day I stepped onto this Bus.

It's not easy and there's no magical wand waiting for any of us, but life is too short, it really, really is. You can't turn the clock back (cliche-atastic) nor change things you've done.

You can change things that you DO though and right now, that's what matters.

My husband is home, Nemo is asleep, DD is packing for her week away, and I'll miss her so so much. We have a two day trip planned over the weekend and we're taking Nemo too. We'll eat and stay in a nice hotel, over looking the sea, taking in the fresh air..... with ice-creams too, who knows.

If you're serious about kicking the booze, you have to be prepared to find ways to deal with the shit that comes you way, and if you're serious sweethearts, you will

Right, my take-away curry is here, I'm on Becks Blue with lime because a curry is nicer for me with a beer.

Night night Brave Babes - KICK ASS!!!!! xxx

Evening everyone!

NonAst - thanks for the advice. Sorry to hear about your dad - that's such a sad story. There but for the grace of God.

trist - just saw your post with MIFLAW's analogy ... I love that. Thanks for re-posting it.

mouse - you are a wonderful woman. I am not very good at saying gushy stuff but I read your posts and think it all, you know?

Nemo is a lucky lad (and the 'mamma bear' thing is so cute!).

Hope everyone is doing ok, resisting the booze callings. I'm staying strong here and drinking my coffee.

I would have completely reached for the bottle mouse - you are a strong woman. My first week actively on the bus has been ok. Although i have had a couple of drinks there has been no stashing or hiding. Shared a bottle if wine with dh but had no urge to buy more-which is a big step. BUT Dh has gone and bought 3! bottles tonight. We will only share one but i will get in a mood when he says no more . I know i can't have it in the house without wanting it. I know i sound pathetic but that is how it is. Sorry i needed a rant. Good luck to all for the weekend x

Mouse I have no words to describe how your post made me feel.

Apart from thank you from the bottom of my heart. x

mouse You're a very wise person - you knew how much you could handle, and when it got too much (as it would to anyone) instead of hurting yourself or anyone else, you just gave yourself a breathing space (by closing the bathroom door) Sometimes there isn't any other option - it sounds as though you had tried everything else.

I hope you manage to schedule in regular breathing spaces for YOU

I'm off to my sisters tomorrow - there will be wine flowing - my new tactics are - REFUSE a G&T before the meal. Drink water or dilute wine with elderflower.

DO NOT TAKE A LAST GLASS OF WINE UPSTAIRS. Sorry for shouting but this is important Joey, are you listening to me? When everyone else goes to bed, so do you! Remember how great it felt that time when you woke up in the morning and didn't have to try and smuggle a glass downstairs?

[talking to yourself now are you Joey? maybe you should lay off the giant tubs of ice-cream, hmm?]

mouse your post was so beautiful and full of strength and determination, it made me well up. xxx to you.

joey another trick you could try is refuse the LAST glass of wine too, when everyone else is greedily eyeing up the last dregs in the bottle, and instead ask for a cup of herbal tea - you will swell with pride if you can do it, and you will feel so pleased as you go to bed.

Whay-hay kotinka

Well done kontinka

Epic fail tonight. But new day tomorrow and all that. I will do this

Thank you

A boingy good morning from me. Couldn't be better really, in bed with dog, cup of tea and lap-top, looking forward to return of DD later today (she's been with her dad for a week and now I have her till 9th August). Went to the pub for a quick lemonade with a friend last night, it felt strange to think I'm not on antabuse anymore but I can't drink for a week anyway as it stays in your system and I don't want to risk it. What would I have done if I could have drunk? My friend had a vodka and tonic and maybe I would have had a glass of wine (175ml of course) but that would have been it. Glad I don't have to make the decision yet though.

{{{{{hug}}}}}} to you lovely Mia. DD's feet won't touch the ground this summer as she has a complex but wonderful extended family - apart from ex-H's little one June who Mouse knows :), she has another half-sister her own age, long weird story but they love eachother to bits. So she's had a week with her dad, then a week with me, then a week with half-sister, then another week with me and then another week with cousin's family. Naples is somewhere I've always wanted to go and your DD is such a fortunate girl that you want to make it really interesting for her.

Did anyone catch the queen looking at her fingernails during the triumphant entry of Team GB last night? Hilarious! Poor woman, staying up so late at her age. Can't make up my mind whether the opening ceremony was amazing or just downright ridiculous but it was certainly excessive and too all about us IMHO. This is an international sporting event right not an advertisement for Cool Britannia? Great music though and lovely to see Mike Oldfield looking so good after all these years. Have a great Saturday everyone xx

Good morning everyone,
I've just been catching up on yesterdays postings.
Whoa quite a busy day wasn,t it.
day 6 for me today but only by the skin of my teeth.
Spent most of yesterday, day and night hiding from RL.
All I could think about was opening a bottle.
Finally dropped off to sleep in the small hours.

Woke up this morning feeling sorry for myself.
RL has to be dealt with today, lots to do and now also
have to catch up on what I should have done yesterday.

Having said that been called to duty, will post this half a post now or I will lose it.
Back laterxx

.

soma when I saw the Queen looking down, I thought maybe she was sending a text message or maybe posting on gransnet . Perhpas she'd take a photo of her and Prince Philip and was putting it on facebook (status: me 'n the prince at the Olympics) . She was probably very tired after all the James Bond helicopter goings-on. At least the opening ceremony has let me know what to expect next time in come to Englandshire - green grass with cricketers and farm workers wearing smocks, some dark satanic mills, lots of dancing round Maypoles with ribbons, and some doves on bicycles.

Glad you're doing so well soma and feeling confident. Please take it easy though. I know that your habits have completely changed (it takes a couple of months to do that) but research also shows that it takes about 9 months for any habit to become really ingrained and for you not to react as you previously did when in a stress situation (think of thrying to use your left hand rather than your right, for example). So don't forget to keep on coming back here if you feel yourself wavering at all.

rural well done for resisting. Yup real life is real life, not a comfortable fantasy, but it's better faced than hidden from - at least it takes some of the scariness out of it when you face it. In my experience I can always imagine worse demons than the reality turns out - and if nothing else, at least not all of the possible disaster scenarios I imagine can come to fruition together - so in reality the gear box on the car either needs mended and costs a small fortune, OR needs replaced and costs a large fortune, OR has damaged the whole engine and requires a massive fortune to scrap it and buy a new car. But while I don't face it, I feel the anxiety of all 3 of the scenarios simultaneously. When I do face it, then there is only one of them to be faced (and the uncertainty removed). Actually, last time I didn't deal with a dodgy gear box and tried to ignore it, it broke down completely, late at night, in the dark and rain and cold, in an isolated spot, when I was rushing home for an important event. Wished I'd faced up to that problem earlier.

Just trying out my new Olympic name (while watching the cycling)

Morning everyone. Day three for me.

Good luck to everyone.

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Sorry for typos in my last post, I was typing from the heart.......

Saf posted something a few weeks back, a three minute rule. Whatever it is that makes your blood boil, makes you want to scream, lose it, reach for that bottle...... take three minutes time out. (or along those lines )

Lock yourself in the loo (making sure your DCs are safe of course) or go to the bottom of the garden for three minutes, go for a walk, just sit in a room, do what you can to get those three minutes because for me IT WORKS!

Koti and crystal - you both said in the first few lines of your posts that you'd be picking up after my day.... and not that long ago, so would I. Not only that, I'd have necked at least three large vodkas in quick succession, hiding the fact from DH and DD by then chewing Airways gum because that's the only one I found that covers the smell for a while.......

I'd have thought 'fuck it, I'm not doing this anymore' and drank. I'm not saying that I never will do that again, I'm saying that I'll never get a 'FUCK IT' moment again, but I am trying to deal and cope with stress in different ways to how I used to.

LRD - it's fab to see you back on here, but also a little sad. You did really well the last time you were here and it's so easy to slip back into bad drinking habits isn't it? Stick with us and you'll be grand xx

Koti - Way to go sweets!! Don't you feel ace this morning? It's a glorious day here, I plan to wash everything in site and get it on the line. Rock n roll me you know.

Soma - DD is going to be with her dad and my folks for the next week and I will miss her tonnes. BUT, she needs a break too. From me, and her brother. From me not being to give her 100% of my time, from me not being there when she needs me so she patiently waits......

The guilt I feel makes me super glad that she's going to be spoiled rotten for a week. I hope you DD has a wonderful time being so busy xx

Mia - you sound like a brilliant mum, you really do! So very different from when we first met xx

crystal - I hope you aren't feeling to much like DFDV (deep fried dog vomit) this morning.

rural - day 6??!!! Brilliant! I hope that you're starting to feel better both physically and mentally by the end of the day..... you WILL get there but you have to believe that you can too..... you've done six whole days! That my lovely, is awesome and more than you thought you'd ever do, six days ago isn't it? Keep posting and sharing how you feel, it really helps xx

Joey - The Last Glass..... I know it well. Just One More before bed..... just fit another in, then that's the bottle done. Another one tomorrow. Easy as that really isn't it.

I used to measure the wine in my glass and compare it to DH's and if he had more, I'd take a sip out of mine and top it up.

It's really great to have just one less. I used to take a glass to bed too, and read for a bit. I got to the point where I was asleep before I actually drank it would wake up to a warm, wasted glass of wine. Which of course I drank.

Not drinking takes planning. No booze in the house if it's just you, if it's not, then you have to tell your DP/H what you are doing and why. I've posted before that my DH laughed in my face when I told him about this Bus. Now, he supports me 100%. Not only that, he's stopped asking if I want a drink.

You really do have to take things One Day At A Time. It's the only way you can get through it. Never say never but if you can prepare to mentally stop as well as physically stop drinking, I find that helps.

I wish that we could all actually be on this Bus for real some days so that we could sit and chat and swap seats and chat to others, stop off for a fresh cream tea somewhere, pick up new Babes along the way...... but I also enjoy the anoniminity (sp?) of the Bus.

You can post about real life here, say things that you might not say out loud. and you won't be judged. You might get told off, but never judged

Right, I'm shutting up now before I send you all to sleep. DD is going and I will miss her. We went and had our hair done together the other day. She's now the proud owner of 'dip-dyed' hair and she looks so very grown up. Not only is she taller than me, she's getting prettier by the day and more womanly too.

It scares me to think of her as a woman in this day and age..... I hope with all my heart that she stays safe whilst away, she's a sensible girl and I can trust her, it's the other people of the world who worry me!

Have a good rest of the morning everyone xx