Morning, tis me, Mouse
I realise that I am late posting this but JWIM, the post about how your darling son would have been 21. Such a huge milestone. I read about the loss of your second darling son too. Life is a cruel and twisted bastard at times and hurts those who deserve it the least, yet allows others, those who rape, murder and maim walk free.
I have no words to take the pain away, with each year that passes, each milestone, each Christmas, each 'would have been' for your boys must be so hard to face.
It's common knowledge on here that we lost triplet boys at 16+5 weeks gestation in September 2005. The guilt, the hurt, the void, the unanswered questions that rattle round your soul for days, and weeks and months and years, do fade a bit, well, they have for me but every now and again, when you least expect it, you see their face or hear their cry and your heart sinks.
Having to let go after your son held on for so long must have crushed your very being. It was all out of your hands, nothing that you could/n't have done would have changed what happened to him I'm guessing? For me it was the not knowing that means I can't close the box fully, but then again, maybe I don't want to. We have a Christmas tree for them in the garden and cherry blossom too....... I often go out and just smile at the trees, and at Christmas, their tree has lights on 
DH and I had only got together four month's before we found out we were pregnant and although we hadn't planned to have a child just yet (the pill and antibiotics don't mix and we thought we were out of the 'risk' zone), we embraced the fact and were so shocked when we discovered that we we're having three babies, let alone one!
The first few scans went well, lots of questions from both sides and although we were warned that maybe we'd lose one of the three as he was smaller than the other two, we can of flowed along with everything.
There are NO multiple births on either side of the family so we were a bit shocked to say the lest. We went on holiday as planed and came home for another scan only to be told that all three heartbeats had stopped and that the boys had died.
I screamed, I yelled, sobbed. I shook with rage, fear, pain and sorrow. DH was as white as a sheet. We just didn't know what to do as we'd started to tell people, planed their bedroom..... bought three of everything.
Sorry, this isn't about me JWIM - but I wanted to share a bit about our loss with you..... I know that other Babes have lost precious babies along the way too. And incredible amount of pregnancies end before they should these days, or is it maybe that the taboo of losing a child has lessoned somewhat?
I wanted to reach into the screen and hug you JWIM. Thank you for sharing that part of your life with us. Again, this place isn't just about the drinking is it?
It's about real life, about things that take us to where we are and where we want to be. The things that take us in directions we may never have gone.... the places we end up.
It's six years since the boys died this September 28th, my sister's Birthday. It would appear that lots of my closest friends who have lost children, also have other associations with the anniversaries, which sometimes makes the day that little bit harder, having to share it with another who is celebrating maybe?
Anyway, I'll shut up now.
Lots of love to you and to those who have lost a child or loved ones.
{{{{{[hug]}}}}} xx