The Brave Babes Battle Bus - All Going On A Sober Holiday! <crosses fingers that it stays sunny>

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, mouse

Welcome to The Brave Babes Battle Bus, grab yourself a seat, they're really comfy and a , oh and a home-made chocolate chip before they all get eaten!

We're a Bus full of alcohol abusers/addicts, some of us say it out loud, some whisper it and some aren't ready to say it at all just yet.

That said, there are a few of us who just have the occasional drink and that's something that they can handle. There are a few of us who must NEVER have another drink because that first one will lead to many, many more which will only ever end badly.

We're open to all....there are no requirements to join us on our journey to sobriety, there's support, great laughs, tears and tantrums here and that's just me!!!

If you'd like to see how we got here, follow THIS LINK

Afternoon, tie, me, Mouse

Well, it's the day before we leave for home. Sorry to not have read back fully but welcome to NoNo, hello to Lelli - not sure if I've said hi to you or not.

Joey - you seem to be having the shittiest time of it, big hugs to you xx

Saf - really? You've emptied your barns and those other bits? Wow! I'm loving the 'you' that is kicking ass right now. So constructive. I love that you're sorting your life, home, head maybe..... I hope I'm making sense to you. You're de-cluttering all of the 'stuff' that's been shut away and kind of ignored, but you can see it now?

Faire - your posts have really helped me this week, you have no idea how much. Thank you. xx

venus - you are so right about the seahorse, DH said that maybe I've lost it here because he is supposed to buy it for me, (I bought it, he gave me the money) but more than that, if it's here, then we're meant to be here too. Just because I'm not wearing it, doesn't mean anything.

Ma - I'm not sure, I'm really not. I'm wearing a mask most of the time, I feel like I'm failing which ever way I turn, I'm just tired I think which is adding to it all. So very tired.

We went out last night to a gorgeous pub kind of place, think gastro pub, and I had two large glasses of house white, gorgeous sav blanc, BUT boy am I suffering for it today. How the times have changed. Previously, I'd of had them and then had more when we got in. I fell asleep twice on the drive home, had the worst nights sleep I've had in a very long time and feel sick, dizzy and very fragile this morning.

On the way to the pub last night, we had to drive down a very narrow part of the lane, that leads to the main roads out of here. DH had to do an emergency stop because of some idiot in a Mitsubishi Warrior flying down the said lane at great speed and almost taking us out on a bend. DH was amazing and managed to stop but I have no idea how, the guy came out of nowhere.

As a result, my pain levels are through the roof again, so DH feels bad. I'm not sure if the Gabapentin is working yet or not.

Anyway, enough waffling. I need to go and start packing. We have to be out of here by 10am but I'm going to ask for an extra hour so that I can make sure Nemo's feed is settled before we get into the car. He's loving it here, the sand is getting easier (he hates anything like that touching him) he prefers the wet sand as it's firmer but we did have a few meltdowns the first time we went to the beach bless him.

To those who are struggling with day 1, I so know how you feel and I only had two large glasses of wine. I dread to think how I'd be feeling if I'd had more.......

Be back later,

Mouse xx

mouse hello! hope you have a decent holiday, it sounds like you need to schedule a regular break into your routine? I wasn't sure which car was yours on the way back to Wales, so I didn't wave, just sent happy holiday thoughts.

I have tried to organise my workload, and sort out my to-do list. Been ruthless with unwanted emails, either unsubscribed or created rules to send those straight to junk mail. I've probably halved the number of emails I get daily! I still feel a bit overwhelmed by it all - can I do everything on my list? I'm dreading the appraisal on Monday, but will try and anticpate everything that might come up (instead of burying head in sand as usual!)

And whereas normally I would get home and think 'Bloody hell! I really worked hard today and deserve a glass bottle of wine!' I will have ice-cream instead. (may need to buy new jeans...)

Lelli the only side effect I experienced was that I felt a bit more tired than usual but that quickly wore off. Also I only take a very low dose (usual is 200mg per day and I intend taking just 200mg weekly as it's enough to make you ill) so shouldn't be any side effects at all this time. Also it's a good idea to have regular liver function tests whilst your on it. I can't recommend it highly enough, for me it removes any question that I'll drink.

NoNo my ex-H has DD 3 nights a week also and at first I hated it too (she was 7 when we separated). But it got so much easier and now I'm used to it. As long as your children are happy being with their father just try and focus on how healthy the arrangement is for them. As for seeing your GP, how much you drink shouldn't be the issue, it's really about what drinking is doing to you mentally as well as physically. I'm a binge-drinker and would consume just over a bottle of wine 3 or 4 times a week and it was making me feel wretched. I'd recommend going to see him/her but bear in mind some GPs aren't that clued up on alcohol dependence although it's one of the biggest health problems they're likely to face amongst their patients.

I never wanted to drink normally if that meant having one glass and leaving the rest of the wine in the bottle for a week. And the allure of intoxication still seems too much of a temptation to risk trying that experiment (again!). Thank you Venus much more eloquently put than my saying in a recent post that I just drank to get pissed!

Thanks for the info Soba I knew very little about Antabuse before I came on this thread. Seems to be working well for you. It makes me think about how the brain works to try to undermine your good intentions except when you know you just can't drink...interesting.

Mouse Hello! Hope you get home from hols safe and sound

Are you in Wales aliasjoey? I live in Wales now but am originally from Devon

Soma - thanks for answering my question about when to get help. I guess on average I drank more than you. If I wasn't taking active steps to cut down, I would drink most nights. In between a half a bottle of wine and up to 2 bottles on a blow out although that would be unusual and only when with my boyfriend. For almost a year I did the alternate day fasting diet which meant only consuming 500 cals one day and then eating 'normally' the next. On my fasting day I didn't have alcohol but I often did the other day.

I also having eating issues. Was anorexic in my early twenties and have never had a normal relationship with food. I would avoid eating meals so that I could use my calories for alcohol. What a mess...

Anyway I don't want to think about what I did. But I do want to focus on what I will do now. Which is drink fruit tea and run a lot!

Have done my 7miles of walking today and am finishing off some work at home before going out with club for a run. I will be up early to do a Pilates class in the morning before collecting kids from their dad at 8am. We are going swimming and then visiting an old work friend for lunch and playtime. Then we are coming home and I have 7 kids coming for fishfingers, chips and peas for tea! I have also got some of their Mums coming which will mean they can finish my wine off which is sitting on the side. I will need that gone before I hand the kids back to their father for a week otherwise my resolve will crack

I am relieved to hear that some of you are survivors of shared residence. We ended up in court and the agreement was not one I wanted. However I had no choice but to accept and live with it. I hate it and will never believe it is best for my kids. But I will also never let them see that and all I can do is my best for them while they are with me. I cannot control what exH does and as much as it may upset me to hear my kids crying on the phone when I call to speak to them, I have to remain positive for them and surround them with joy when they are with me. That is easier to do when I am not hungover!

NoNo no, I was on holiday in Wales and coming back last week on the same day that mouse was going TO Wales - so I think we passed each other on the motorway...

Well I know why my head is buried in the sand - because when I try to take it out, more sand gets thrown at me

I checked my Workplan - it has 45 separate actions on it. Allright, maybe half of those are regulars that should get done anyway. That still leaves 20 actions, which is why I only get 5 of them done last time! This time I reckon I will have managed 15 out of 20, but worried my boss will focus on the ones I haven't done.

There are also 5 different actions on the -whadyyacallit- improvement document. And I've done 4.

AND theres the 8-page assessment report for my appraisal on Monday. All-in-all I'm pretty pleased with what I've achieved today but I'm exhausted and desperate for somebody to say 'Well done! Have a !'

Got home intending to crash but the dog looked so hopefully at me that I took him for a walk instead. He rewarded me by rolling in something disgusting, so I've had to give him a bath as well.

And I've just discovered washing in the machine which I put in yesterday and forgot to hang up to dry...!

Sorry for all the ramblings it just helps to get it out. I guess as an introvert I usually keep my feelings 'bottled' up and use alcohol to relax. Please just ignore if you're bored...

hello.

mouse you may be overestimating how much i'm getting done and everything is only getting half done at the minute so mostly things look worse but are at least in progress

rural - i seem to be the horrible one who says the hard stuff at the minute and i hope you won't hate me for this but: whatever short term pain and disruption your son experienced through a break up it would not be as devastating as growing up being taught that abusive relationships are normal and the way to be a man is to bully, control and hurt women. it won't do him any favours or any of the women who he gets involved with. staying is not, imo, in the best interest of your son so to say i'm staying 'for' him is an illusion. rationally the best thing for him would be to not grow up in a dysfunctional abusive home full stop. what a small child feels/thinks they want is not necessarily the right thing and it's up to adults to make and own those choices.

ok here - got some more carpet out and there is now only a thin strip underneath a shelf unit and sideboard much loaded with stuff that i'll get out when i have to unload and move those to strip the wallpaper behind them anyway. a friend is going to lend me a steamer for a very limited time period deliberately so that i HAVE to get it done and not procrastinate haven't known her long but she seems to have me sussed already in some ways

feeling a lot better today than yesterday - mostly because i had a meeting last night and they really do help. being around people who get it, people who've been through or are going through or are going through where you were a few months back etc etc really, really helps me. as does being a bit humble and telling people what's going on and actually listening to their suggestions and what they've done in similar times/situations etc.

i am learning to be a lot more open to the idea that other people might actually know better than me about my life sometimes horrifying stuff!

how's everyone feeling about the upcoming weekend? whose on for a sober one?

hi alias x posted.

it sounds like the universe is conspiring to keep you busy with time consuming but not too challenging 'stuff' to do. it's all good. try and go with the flow as it comes x

I agree with sAf, rural. My counsellor told me repeatedly that children would rather come from a broken home than live in one. I know that I am now a far nicer and happier mother (in spite of the drinking) than I was while still married to my ex. The kids get way more out of me than they ever did and I have loads more confidence. But that is not to say you are doing the wrong thing by staying. But by thinking that you are somehow protecting DC by staying with their father may not necessarily be the full truth.

Evening babes

Day 5 and I'm not drinking tonight. Feeling pleased so far but I know that the weekend will be tricky.

nono I'm amazed at your energy and at how fit you must be. Get rid of that booze on the side, I can never resist unattended wine.

I love this bus : the incredible, insightful wise women, all of whom have a slightly different slant on alcoholism and tackling it.

joey why on earth would anyone be bored? I think you underestimate yourself. Do you love your job? I just wonder because the appraisal system sounds rigid, rather like a lot of hard work in itself. Good luck for monday.

kot college; enjoy. I take it you are going back full time then?

soba It's hard to find long stretches of time to read in, but funnily enough I do get time on the days when I don't drink! Big incentive for me. I read while I eat,when I travel, when Ds naps or watches sodding Thomas. Kindelling at work . I'd be terrified they would take my Kindle away if I was caught!

Gugg - well done on day 5. A day at a time

I have googled alcohol dependency etc. never really sure whether I classed as an alcoholic or not. I can give up with no physical symptoms whatsoever so clearly am not physically dependent. But alcohol has started to affect my life. I love running and it keeps me sane. And my favourite time for running is very first thing in the morning. 6am or so. But when I have drunk the night before I can't run then because my...erm... Bowels don't like it. So I have stopped running first thing. Which sometimes means, because life is busy, I don't get to run at all. So I have the double wammy of the alcohol and no exercise. That needs to stop.

Have many of you been to the gp about your drinking? I have a health check through work next week and will mention it there. At least I won't have to make an extra appointment to discuss it. And there are questions on the form about alcohol and I have answered them semi truthfully

I have tried to talk to a counsellor in the past about my drinking but she didn't seem to think that it was a problem. I know it is though and that is what counts I guess.

Well I already have 'eating disorder' in bold on the front of my notes so they can just add that to my profile I guess. I did worry about the implications on life insurance etc of declaring it. Will just have to see how i go I guess. If I can't do it through willpower / babe-power alone though I suppose I will have to go and get some help... Better that than carry on like this.

saf and nono I understand totally where you are coming from. I do have a sort of escape plan and have no intention of staying here sine die unless things drastically change.
Explanations would take all night and controlling my drinking is a necessary first step.
At the moment I feel by staying I remain the major influence in my sons life.
Anyway enough of me.
DS is here see you later

rural take all the pennies you save by not drinking wine, and put them towards a running away fund.

Good for you for tackling the drink, absolutely the right step to take first.

Farie was right: it is a 'Think it through Thursday'

thank heaven I re-read my post just now - I forgot to hang up the washing again! No wonder my boss thinks I haven't got 2 braincells...

Back shortly...

Fer fecks sake, I put the washing on earlier just to re-rinse and spin - and forgot to switch it on! Early onset alzheimers? Alcohol withdrawal? No point in doing it now - by the time it's finished I would have forgotten, again, to hang it up tonight. So I've just hung it up, damp and slightly musty.

Life's too short, and I've got babes to chat to.

The good news - great news - is DH has developed manflu a cold (not great news for him, obviously) and I was despatched to Sainsburys to buy tissues and lemsips.

I also bought 2 bars of chocolate, a toffee sundae, grapes, jam doughnuts and extra coffee in case there's a world shortage.

NO WINE.

NONE. (and I was tempted, especially today after reading my 45-point workplan, 3-page competency assessment and 8-page appraisal document) Am overloading on sugar instead

Gugg - I was thinking today that I should save the money I would have spent on booze and put it towards something. I was thinking something for the kids as that is always my first thought. And then I thought - actually it should be for me really. I never treat myself to anything. My hair cuts are three times a year and cost £10. The only thing I buy with any regularity is running shoes and that is only because they are cheaper than physio appointments when I get injured by wearing old shoes!

Talking of running - bloody hell. Just done about 8 miles which wasn't what I needed after 7 odd miles of walking today. And it was hilly. I am buggered. By the end I had pins and needles in my fingers from lack of oxygen!! I am seriously unfit too and was lagging at the back. This is a kick up the butt to get out there and put the miles back in again

But for now I need to shower and get some good wholesome food in me.

Hope everyone is having a calm and sober evening.

NoNo oh my that is really something. You can't be unfit if you've walked/run all that way.

rural my tuppence worth - and I've never been in an abusive relationship so I admit there's a lot I don't know and just tell me to shut up if I've got it all wrong.... but I would not like to bring my kids up to believe that emotional abuse is okay (and they do take it in, they are little sponges, listening to every word and repeating it back verbatim at the wrong moment )

If you want them to believe everyone is worthy of respect, then they have to see it especially in their own homes.

Hi,
Calm and sober and I have performed my most hateful task without complaint : cooking, a task I truly suck at.

Well done, joey life's difficult right now but you didn't cave in. Sainsbo's at wine time? Well done.

Ermm ..nono please explain in what way you are unfit? Seriously, buying some treats instead of booze is a great idea.

Sorry - didn't mean to be flippant. Unfit in comparison to the rest of the club with whom I can normally keep up!

Yes, well done in sainsbo's at wine time!

Just been talking to my boyfriend about my drinking. He thinks I can just cut down my drinking - I know I can't. He says he will support me tho which is good.

Morning babes, hello and welcome to NoNo and Haribo

Today is Forge on Through Friday - this bus is going full steam ahead, just like any other day. Who wants to wake up in the morning pleased that they didn't drink today? Me! Anyone else?

Driver - ( Silver? Isinde? Ma? ) - put your foot down

Morning, Day 12 for me today:)