The Brave Babes Battle Bus - All Going On A Sober Holiday! <crosses fingers that it stays sunny>

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, mouse

Welcome to The Brave Babes Battle Bus, grab yourself a seat, they're really comfy and a , oh and a home-made chocolate chip before they all get eaten!

We're a Bus full of alcohol abusers/addicts, some of us say it out loud, some whisper it and some aren't ready to say it at all just yet.

That said, there are a few of us who just have the occasional drink and that's something that they can handle. There are a few of us who must NEVER have another drink because that first one will lead to many, many more which will only ever end badly.

We're open to all....there are no requirements to join us on our journey to sobriety, there's support, great laughs, tears and tantrums here and that's just me!!!

If you'd like to see how we got here, follow THIS LINK

faire very wise words about the voice in your head. I could feel myself wavering and have taken your advice to bat it away!

hmmm thats interesting, 2 of you have suggested my boss was trying to undermine me. Don't know about that - she just thinks I've been so useless lately that she will pick on any little thing - maybe to prove to herself that she was justified in instigating a warning. Don't know what I can do about it anyway.

The bloody dog! Throws up and then bounces around looking perfectly well. He probably ate something stupid in the garden

Lovely Faire, I started reading your post and thinking how right that wise woman is and then when I got to the bit about me and the antabuse I knew absolutely that it's the right thing for me to take it again. Thank you SO much. I'll only have to take one 200mg tablet every 3 days or so because that's enough of a deterrent for me (normal dose is 200mg daily) and I can't wait to pick up the prescription in a day or two. I definitely won't be drinking in the meantime.

I'm name-changing back to Soba I think, because that's what I HAVE to be. Like Notdrinking it's all or nothing for me. Have a safe day everyone x

Daisy, you did the right thing ticking the box and I'm sure you know it deep down. And thanks to you and Venus for reminding me how far I've come and how tragic it would be if I slipped (or more likely crashed) back to where I was. I stupidly chucked my antabuse away Venus but it's on repeat prescription so I've put a new request in. Thank God for my lovely GP. I just want to be like you and never drink again.

Morning babes! soma its great that you recognise where you might fall down before it happens. So much support on this board, it's wonderful.

I've just checked the appraisal form; the bit I was supposed to complete was a page rating your perfomance (on a scale of A to E) I had ticked D (In comparison with peers, has met fewer goals than would have been expected. Performance is required to improve in at least one particular area. If my boss ticks E I will die) It asks for supporting documentation, but I couldn't think of anything to prove how useless I am! Its clearly meant for the opposite end of the scale ie. if you'd ticked A, you should proved documentation to back this up.

Anyway, whaddya all think, should I mention that she shouldn't have cc'd to my colleagues? She's on A/L this week, so no rush...

I've thought of the best reason for staying sober: when if they sack me, at least it won't be anything to do with drink... trying to stay positive

Morning, Day 9 here and today I will not be drinking:) Decision made ...

Morning lovely babes,

Start of day 3 for me, not intending to drink today!

soma I am so glad that you didn't pick up, you are one of the success stories on the bus and a good way into your recovery: us new babes need to listen to what happens as you go along and follow in your footsteps a bit. Also, you are a bookworm and I can talk book with you

fairie hello wiiiissseee lady, how long have you been on the bus and sober (controlled drinking). You understand an awful lot, does that come with long term sobriety? Please feel free to say " no, fuck off, I am just well clever, init"

day 10 seems to be a difficult day to get past, I'm hoping to make it that far, this time round. I might try and make some plans for when (if) I get there. I might buy something nice on day 11. I still think that getting to day 10 or 8 or 5 is a brilliant achievement.

joey - i would reply to that email with everyone cc'd in who was on the first one saying politely obviously that you had followed her advice as per your conversation to only fill in what seemed relevant but that you will happily fill in the rest if that is what she would like you to do? it does sound dodgy and i'd match her with making it public and covering your back personally.

daisy - tbh it sounds silly to respond to an unhappy liver by saying you'll drink less for four weeks and expect it to be better. sorry but it is a bit daft and denial-ish to me. sure light drinking isn't bad for a healthy person but a person whose body is saying i'm not coping with alcohol clearly is not in the same boat.

soma - don't drink! i know it's easy said but tbh it IS easy done as well if you get off that fence and stop flirting with it. keep sitting on the fence and of course you're going to end up drinking - of COURSE you are. there's no room for fence sitting. you were so unable to stop that you had to go to the lengths of medical help and whacking your body with antabuse. why would you start again? i think you have to be honest with yourself - wanting to drink again is not about ooh maybe i'll be fine (you know you're not fine with alcohol or you wouldn't have had a course of antabuse to stop). you know? please don't sabotage the great work you've done - get off the fence and be free of it - the in between is torture imo.

sorry - all the above sounds tough and harsh but god knows we don't do much honesty with ourselves when it comes to drinking. we'll believe any old shit our heads can come with to give ourselves permission to drink.

we'll believe any old shit our heads can come with to give ourselves permission to drink. made me laugh - its so true!

thanks for the advice saf - how's your puppy?

she's mad joey but cute with it. i can't quite think of her as a dog. it's like i now have a dog, a cat and this third 'thing' how's the home ed'ing going?

i've been sweeping out all the crap from the barns and passageway after taking out some grr on the peeling paintwork out there. i am a mass of half done jobs at the minute and keep stressing about the state of this house. i wish one of those tv shows would come and do my house.

my life has so much to 'sort out' in it after years of tuning out and burying my head in the sand with the aid of alcohol and depression. hard to know where to start.

Saf be as tough as you like, I hear you loud and clear :) There can never be a middle way for me and it is torture when I try to find one. I went to a drinks party on holiday and although I didn't have a great deal I was really aware that I wasn't drinking like the other guests - ie I was unable to put my glass down and had my eye on the bottle all the time. That way of thinking is so ingrained in me, I know it's never going to change so no drinking it is.

Gugg (do you like art by the way, with a name like that?), I feel not only a responsibility to myself but also to the new Babes; it is about finding hope in other peoples' stories isn't it? And I'd love to talk book with you, are you a kindle-lover or do you prefer the paper variety?

Joey agree with Saf about the work situation, hope it gets resolved soon. I have a meeting with my manager tomorrow about developing my role and she can be very slippery but covers it all up with a forced jovial air and accompanying rictus grin. I will not let her get to me and have resolved to stay calm even if she doesn't tell me what I want to hear (hard for me as I can be very hot-heated). My response will be "I'm most disappointed that this is all you can offer me, can I get back to my work now as I have a tremendous amount to do." Getting worked up has never achieved anything so it's time to try something new. A bit like giving up drinking maybe.

saf not me thats home ed'ing - that'd would be mia (now known as mysterything - where is she by the way? on holiday? not seen her for a while...) I definitely wouldn't have the patience to home educate!

joeys attempt to Home Educate:

So kids, we're going to be doing 'Coffee' this morning
Kids: you mean, geography of Brazil, harvesting of the beans, economics of third world countries etc?
Me: well, first you're going to learn how to make me a cup of coffee...

"Getting worked up has never achieved anything so it's time to try something new", Soma, I used very similar words at the weekend, I work myself up over the slightest little thing, worry, get upset etc etc. and I have decided that it's time to change

sorry joey - muddle headed!

i'd love to home ed in principle but the reality would be death for me, ds or both of us

who was it who was reading about will power/self discipline a while back? i'm on a mission to improve mine. one goal i've set is that i have to read one non fiction book a week. i need to get my brain and discipline back in gear (not sure it's ever been in gear tbh) in preparation for my msc. will happily take tips on how to train self discipline into myself.

saf it's me (previously Mia) that home-eds, and also me who talked about the will-power book - it's here

I obviously need to re-read it as my Monday was not an AFD and nor is tonight going to be. Only had a glass and a half last night and planning a couple tonight, but still a bit with myself. Tomorrow will be an AFD though.

I'm still here and lurking and drawing inspiration from all you Brave Babes. Busy busy at the mo though so not much posting.

Hi Joey have you thought of joining a union? Even if your workplace doesn't have an organised branch you can join one like www.unitetheunion.org/default.aspxUnite as an individual member. You can then get advice, have a sounding board and if necessary call on a rep to come to meetings at work with you.
I agree with SAF upthread that you should respond to this sort of blatant rule changing and bullying.

www.unitetheunion.org/default.aspx sorry the link didn't work, hopefully this is better

Damn, I crumbled

Last night I burst into tears (I know, not very mature for a 40-something woman) Just felt like I wanted to run away and hide. I guess that is what alcohol does, wraps you in a blanket so you feel shielded from the world for a while.

Thanks for the suggestion and link bproud. I can't imagine taking someone to meetings - part of me thinks I'm making a mountain out of a molehill and it would be ridiculous to need 'support'. Also (I don't know if this makes sense, I'm already a glass of wine down) my boss clearly didn't believe the CFS/ME reason and I don't want to seem to be making more 'excuses'. My work has improved lately, hopefully that will satisfy her.

god I crashed the bus. Sorry.

joey it doesn't matter whether your boss believes you. She is not a qualified medical doctor so she doesn't get to make those decisions. Have a (((hug)))

Also, you cannot just be sacked unless it can be proved that you have been completely negligent, incompetent or broken some workplace rule or the law. It's not that easy to fire someone, don't let her bully you. Employment law is there for your protection, you might find it a comfort to read up on some of it.

gugg how long have you been on the bus and sober (controlled drinking). You understand an awful lot, does that come with long term sobriety? I've only been on the bus just over a year and only really got my drinking under control towards the end of last year, so 6-8 months of controlled drinking. I knew nothing about stopping or controlling before I found the bus, everything I have learned has been from what I've read here. But I do hang out here quite a lot so probably have absorbed quite a bit of advice But, yes, I would say that the more sober I am, the more I understand. It's a work in progress.

i am a mass of half done jobs at the minute and keep stressing about the state of this house - you and me both Saf I've been doing a massive clearout and halfway through that decided to start redecorating . I just get too fed up doing the same thing, so like to flit from one to the other. But it's been great really because I've always got something to do to distract me if I get a bit bored. And there's no rush to finish, it's a work in progress

{{{{{{*Joey}}}}}}} I know how stressful work problems can be. I've been through an acrimonious redundancy (but got what I wanted in the end) and walked out of my last job because I was so fed up with the way they were treating me. I had nothing to go to and lived off my savings for a few months until I found something else. I'm not advocating you do the same and you've had good advice here about your rights etc but just bear in mind you do have choices. Sometimes difficult situations can lead to better things.

Bproud have texted you re: meeting up :), waves to MysteryThing.

After my experiment with controlled drinking I've accepted that my being able to accomplish this is a very remote possibility indeed. And this is purely and simply because I've always drunk TO GET PISSED, so what good is one or two drinks going to do me? Why put myself through the torment of deluding myself that I can drink sensibly (and I can SOME of the time) but it's never ALL of the time. Sooner or later the whole bottle gets drained or I do a mad dash to the offie mid-afternoon and then the whole sorry saga starts up again; embarrassing myself in front of visitors, hiding drinks from DD, talking crap to my mum on the phone; disturbed sleep and then the worst part of all, waking up in the morning with that crash of realisation and knowing that the day ahead will be hell. I shudder at the memory. And hopefully it stays that way, a memory.

Have a great day everyone x

soma - you sound so much more resolved and cheerful and grounded, and that makes me very happy. Isn't it weird how much you can care about someone on t'internet?

alias with regards to 'supporting documentation' perhaps you could use some of the following:

• something about your ill-health, and the investigations that your doc is doing and, the impact on you (lack of concentration etc);
• some evidence of how you think this might have impacted on you work and performance;
• some specific examples of things that you might not have achieved because of this;
• a list of what you are doing, and what you have already done to minimise the impact of your health issues on your work;
• evidence of how this has already help you to improve;
• a list of things that your boss / colleagues / working environment could do to help and support you to perform your role.

Even the most aggressive of employers would find it difficult to take any kind of action against you until there had been time to demonstrate how your health, your actions at work, and your employers support for you had impacted on your performance.

Great advice venus

I think you've made the right decision, gorgeous one. You don't need alcohol; it doesn't add to your life, it detracts from it.

Wise and wonderful post from Venus as always. I second all that Joey - don't let them bully you.