Evening, tis me, mouse
I just wanted to update those who are interested that Seth (the Bus's resident wolf) is home. He looks terrible, his head is shaved and he has drill holes in it. I wept when DH brought him home.
BUT - he's okay, the infection has gone (flesh eating bacteria that was in his nose 
) and he is sat looking thankful at me as I type this. He's on meds for the pain and needs to go back in 2 weeks to have another course of strong ABs flushed through the holes they drilled.
Other than that, he's good. 
DH is down. So, so low and I can't fix it. I can't help because there's too much he said. He's 'fed up' all of the time just recently.
DD has a friend sleeping over so is happy. Her fuckwitt of a sperm donor called her earlier to update her on her sectioned sister.
One minute she decides he is her dad and wants to see him, the next he is Beelzebub. I'm just nodding, smiling, hugging and loving her, giving her space and being there when she needs me, best I can.
Yesterday was the great gathering at my mother's....... enough said about that.
Nemo is really starting to up the ante wrt his eating, he's asking for food ALL DAY LONG! He licks solids but will nail a little chocolate pot in minutes.
I got stuck in bed again in the small hours of this morning. I couldn't move. Not a single muscle.. I tried to reach across to DH but couldn't quite get enough leverage to lean.
A little while later, no idea how long because it felt like years, Nemo woke and shouted for me. DH went to soothe him. After 20+ mins, I managed to get up. Then slowly stagger across the landing to his room.
Another 18/24 months of this? Can I do it?
No.
I'm going to the GP tomorrow to talk about long-term pain management and I am NOT leaving until I have a solution, a crutch, a pulley, whatever it takes to get me out of bed, allow me to turn over in bed, allow me to move my legs, my hips and arms in bed.
Sorry to be selfish again but right now, I can't fight the pain with the resources I have.
Tonight I plan to wash my meds down at around 10pm with a glass of 13% red. I'm sorry, it will be only the one but tonight, I need to sleep deeply for the first few hours so that my body can rest. Self medicating used to be much more brutal..... sleeping tablets and my morphine and booze, and well, whatever.
Just one glass is all it will take tonight.
DH will drink the rest. He always does. Not always in one night
I'm sorry not to read back, I did however notice a new face - notdrinking - Hello I see the lovely and ever fabulous Silver has issued you with your lifetime ticket for the Bus?
Anyway, night night Brave Babes.
I hope that wherever you are, whatever your poison, drinking or not, that you are happy and safe and actually okay in your own skin tonight.
Be back tomorrow with an update from my doc. Those who believe and have faith, can I ask for a tiny prayer that something can be done long term to keep me going.
Mouse xx