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Original poster

"She can have want she wants, she's at Grandpa's house"...

81 replies

Elf1981 · 04/03/2006 21:26

...were the words uttered by FIL & MIL today as they put a chocolate button in my 5month old DD's mouth.
I'm so annoyed!! I've spent the last month shouting at anybody else who tries to go near her with chocolate, wish they had listened.
I have been slowly weaning my DD over the last week or so, literally small tastes of baby rice / pureed carrot & potato or bannana, nobody seems to understand that I want DD to be used to eating "normal" food before being addicted to chocolate!
I have the fear that if she ever goes there for a day or something, the food I send will be throw away and replaced with crap.
Anybody else in the same situation??

OP posts:
SleepySuzy · 04/03/2006 21:29

Oh yes!!! My mum does it all the time!!! And, the annoying thing is (I should be pleased, really) is that she eats better there than anywhere else!! She's 2 now.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 04/03/2006 21:30

No, my parents and ILs are under NO illusion about dietary requirements. However, they still manage to f*ck up mind you - DD has nut allergies and they still cant read allergy warnings on packaging yet (she is nearly 3).

What did your DP/DH say about this?

They need to respect your wishes - especially with such a young baby. Utterly irresponsible IMO.

Mumatuks · 04/03/2006 21:32

You're having a really crap time aren't you Elf? (have seen your other threads)
I'm not being sarci, I feel for you! Hope you get on better soon.

BTW She is your DD, you tell the PIL's and make it clear that DD will not be visiting them again until they respect your wishes. I've done this, and the message has finally got through.

Good Luck.

harpsichordcarrier · 04/03/2006 21:33

5 months?????
bloody hell
way out of order

Original poster
Elf1981 · 04/03/2006 21:36

DH was a bit like "one wont hurt" and cannot understand why I was so upset. I think he'd just rather hear me whinging than arguing with his dad, iyswim.

It just makes me mad as I dont want her to start rejecting "normal" food such as carrot and potato and other veggies in favour of sweet foods. With breastmilk being very sweet anyway, I had been trying to wean on veggies and at a push fruit, so she gets used to these foods and I dont want to face a battle when she will only eat chocolate pudding! Because it's me that would have to deal with it, even though it wouldn't be my doing.

Vendi - that's awful about the nut allergies!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Elf1981 · 04/03/2006 21:40

Mumatuks - thanks for the sympathy, certainly something the PIL's shouldn't have done after the thing with my car!!

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 04/03/2006 21:40

Yup - i'll never forget the "oh ive checked the packaging on this easter egg and there is definitely NO nut warning" so they gave her milk chocolate buttons and a few minutes later we had the piriton and her asthma inhaler out and in use.

When i checked the packet to see what might have caused it, there it was, plain to see "May contain traces of nuts...."

I ALWAYS check packaging at theirs now before they give stuff even if they say theyve checked. At least they do try though.....Smile

I would think a good reason NOT to give a baby chocolate like chocolate buttons is because of the risk of allergies etc.....or maybe im a bit biased???

Original poster
Elf1981 · 04/03/2006 21:43

I think the PIL's are under the assumption that because it's small chocolate, it's okay!
My mum will be peeved, as for the past week I've refused to let her give DD organic chocolate pudding (think it's Hipp). We settled on bananna and peach, at least that's healthy (healthier)!

OP posts:
Original poster
Elf1981 · 04/03/2006 21:45

She's just rolled over in her sleep, she's got three really big red blotches on her face, not sure if a reaction to chocolate or just wound up (she's dreaming at the moment!)

OP posts:
eve2005 · 04/03/2006 21:53

be strict elf, just tell them plainly that she's your daughter and just because they feel it's ok to give her potentially dangerous food doesn't mean you'll allow it. make it clear that you won't be visiting very often if your wishes aren't respected.

as for dh make a point of showing him all the medical advice against chocolate for such young babies, not to mention the choking hazards, and explain that yes, just one could hurt.

Original poster
Elf1981 · 04/03/2006 22:01

The more I think about it, the madder I get!!
They have other grandchildren, one in particular who gets dropped off all the time (spends more times with his grandparents than parents tbh) and so they're not too fussed what he eats so dont mind the PIL's given them whatever they want to.

She's supposed to be spending the day with them in a few months time while my CM is away (DD doesn't go yet, I'm due to go to work shortly :() but want her to be eating the food I give, not rubbish all day.

OP posts:
spidermama · 04/03/2006 22:09

You have every right to be absolutely furious.

FrannyandZooey · 04/03/2006 22:09

"She can have what she wants" Shock

How exactly does a 5 month old baby manage to convey that she wanted a pack of chocolate buttons? Angry

VeniVidiVickiQV · 04/03/2006 22:11

Very good point FAZ!

eve2005 · 04/03/2006 22:12

\link{http://www.healthatoz.com/healthatoz/Atoz/hc/par/info/feedingguide.jsp\feeding guide}try printing this and showing it to them.explain you understand they don't mean any harm but you parent in a different way to your brother and would appreciate if they could respect that, if not you'll happily find other arrangments for when your CM's away. being polite is all very well but you shouldn't have to worry about your child when she's in their care

Original poster
Elf1981 · 04/03/2006 22:12

after she dribbled the first one all down her chin they gave her another!
she spat this one out. (or it slipped). I mushed it up in a tissue!

OP posts:
harpsichordcarrier · 04/03/2006 22:12

Oh I don't know
dd1 can "hear" dd2 speak and does a little translation when she wants some support....
dd1 - "mummy, (dd2) wants to watch tv. don't you, (dd2)? yes I do!"
she is very advanced for three months though.
maybe grandma can hear dd saying "I want some chocolate" very very quietly....

FrannyandZooey · 04/03/2006 22:14

If this happened in my house they would hear me say quite a lot of things very very loudly.

Original poster
Elf1981 · 04/03/2006 22:19

thanks for the link Eve2005.

Didn't realise that babies could have egg yolks before egg whites.

I'm following an M&S babies cook book, they have suggestions of purees for 5-6 months old.
I know I am weaning earlier than the "magic" 26 weeks (she's just over 21 weeks) but I dont understand how people think that my DD's experience with first solids means chucking all sorts of food at her!

OP posts:
Original poster
Elf1981 · 04/03/2006 22:22

lol harpsichordcarrier, that's really sweet about your dd1 :)

I took a vow today that I will not force chocolate down my own grandchildrens throat. It's getting a long list of things that I wont do if I ever am bless with grandchildren!!

OP posts:
eve2005 · 04/03/2006 22:32

join the club elf! last time we were at dp's parents when dd was 7 months they drove me up the wall, worst was the day grandad sat with dd on his lap and the dogs ball in his hand, teasing the dog into jumping up. poor dp was going frantic trying to take dd off him but grandad wouldn't let him stating that 'tiger (the dog) won't hurt her, he's grand with kids'. about ten seconds after this the dog jumped up, scratched dd quite badly down the leg and frightened the life out of her. haven't been there since.

my own mother has caused arguements with me about such varied topics as 'of course the 9 month old baby with 2 teeth can have a ginger nut biscuit' to 'why don't we put her at the top of the stairs and see can she climb down' Angry we don't go there much either any more!

Original poster
Elf1981 · 04/03/2006 22:35

God, the dog thing! My Aunt held my DD close to her own dog so he could "sniff" her. We dont go there much! I swear my heart stopped beating the whole time (he's a Boxer dog, quite big).
I hate the sentence "they love kids, wouldn't hur them". Totally wrong IMO - I dont trust animals around kids. It only takes a split second. I wont even let my cat near my DD!

OP posts:
eve2005 · 04/03/2006 22:42

cat we have is afraid of dd and he's not allowed upstairs so not pushed about him, he tends to hide outside til he knows she's in bed anyway! first time we went to dp's parents this dog snapped at her foot while i was holding her though so poor dp was understandably s*ting himself but grandad just can't be reasoned with and short of wrestling her from him he didn't know what to do. i came close to killing the grandad though. thats why i'm so vocal on the 'don't let the grandparents get away with it' front!

Chandra · 04/03/2006 23:07

OUch, I know how you feel... as for your FIL/MIL' S words... hope you both can get them to understand that your DD is your DD, and your rules and desires about/for her are not to be overthrown by simple factors as location! (angry on your behalf)

mind you, a chocolate at that age can make lots of damage specially if it contains nuts (and many of them do).

About the link to the recommendations... I would add to leave also egg yolks out of the equation at least until she is 1 yr old (not that difficult to avoid and a risk less to take). I didn't introduce cooked egg until DS was 18m and still he developed egg allergy Sad.

WestCountryLass · 04/03/2006 23:15

I really think you have to take a stand. She is your DD and if you don't make a stand now you will be living with them over-riding your decisions forevermore as far as your DD is concerned. It might be unpleasant in the short term but in the long term everyone will know where they stand and hopefully they will realise the boundaries.

So far as the day with them goes, if you are still not happy book it as parental leave/holiday. That'll teach em!