"She can have want she wants, she's at Grandpa's house"...

[Elf1981]

...were the words uttered by FIL & MIL today as they put a chocolate button in my 5month old DD's mouth.
I'm so annoyed!! I've spent the last month shouting at anybody else who tries to go near her with chocolate, wish they had listened.
I have been slowly weaning my DD over the last week or so, literally small tastes of baby rice / pureed carrot & potato or bannana, nobody seems to understand that I want DD to be used to eating "normal" food before being addicted to chocolate!
I have the fear that if she ever goes there for a day or something, the food I send will be throw away and replaced with crap.
Anybody else in the same situation??

ooooh, I made discussions of the day!

Elf1981: in some small defence of your aunt allowing her dog to 'sniff' your child...

I do this with my dog when I introduce something new into the house. If he gets one good investigation, he then leaves it alone. When he was a puppy, he barked endlessly at a new lamp, until I picked him up, let him sniff it and he realised that it was completely dull and not worth being threatened by. With a child, you obviously want to avoid any aggression (even fear-inspired) from the outset.

He does sniff my daughter (five months). I try and keep him away from her face, but she's at an age now where she's starting to grab at him.

The difference is, of course, that it's my daughter and my dog. Also - he's a damn sight smaller than a Boxer, which are a rather bouncy breed, in my experience (although generally amiable). I certainly wouldn't have held the child in front of the dog: it's more important to keep hold of the dog's collar, I'd have thought - not least because a playful dog can hurt accidentally.

Most of all, no matter how much of a big softie your dog is, you are still basically living with a hairy predatory canivore in your house.

RZ - we will sit our DD on our knee and let her stroke the cat, but my DH will hold the cat as sometimes she has the tendency to scratch.
I dont want my DD to be frightened of animals, I know I am freaked out as I had a few bad experiences with dogs growing up (got chased home by a rotweiller once!) and dont want my DD to suffer similar experience that makes her wary of what 99.9% of the time are fantastic creatures.
You are right with the fact that your baby your dog your decision. I like going to my grans as she has a much more placid dog but will keep him held by the collar saying that she wouldnt harm the baby but she wont give her the chance. Just like a cat can harm a baby by jumping into the cot to be warm (I once found my cat in DD cot before DD started using it, I was shocked!) a dog can do harm by being boisterious (sp)

oh god giev the kid some chocolate buttons

I love how you can start a thread about weaning a baby at five months and people jump on you to say no, must wait til six months, but it's okay to give chocolate to a five month old. Not too sure on the logic.

Not kid, baby, cod. Behave!

ditto

[raspberry emoticon]

Besides, it's not the chocolate that is the main issue, it's the undermining what I want for my own daughter.

I have a goddaughter who is on medication to make her sleep as she does not have the hormone that regulates sleep. I detest using it on her when she stops at mine (hate seeing her zone out), but that is what her parents want me to do (so she sleeps earlier than 2:00 in the morning and longer than 5:00) so I do it. When looking after other peoples children, surely they should take into consideration the wishes of the parents?

Hi Elf,
I see your problem, the grandparents think it's their right to spoil their grandchildren, and it's your job to do all the not-so-nice bits, for example my MIL loves to play and take DS out for walks etc but when it comes to changing his nappy it's my turn (that's one of the things we need a break from isn't it). Grrr MILs (however that's another subject).

I must admit Dh and I gave our almost 11 month old DS a tiny bit of chocolate once, last week, just to see his reaction (DH and I tend to polish off a bar of Dairy Milk every night after dinner...) Oh the smile on his face! Maybe it was just cos of the reaction he was getting...
He had a similar reaction to a sip of Daddy's beer one afternoon. But we have both agreed not to give him chocolate (OR BEER!!) only as a treat later on. Of course it'll be a different story telling fat Grandma this, as of course she'll want to spoil him. Grrrrr.
Sorry not much help, but you know you're not alone.

On the dog issue, we have a boxer and the first thing we did when we brought both babies homw was let the dog say hello and sniffing is their way of doing that. HOWEVER i wouldn't want a dog i don't know close to my newborn so i get your anxiety.
On the food issue, i think you need to be stren NOW otherwise they'll get worse.
They need to know that she's yours and waht you say goes, whether they like it or not.

"She can have want she wants, she's at Grandpa's house"...

Oh how that phrase has made my life a misery! No words of wisdom though, it's still work in progress for us, although tiving 250 and miles away from my parents helps no end.

No - I would be anxious too about someone else's ruddy great dog saying hello to my daughter (have mental picture of baby being dangled in front of great salivating Rottweiler...) - I was just trying to see it from the aunt's point of view. You know how people with dogs can fail to appreciate that not every one else has the same level of affection for them...

Speaking of dogs, my mother tries to impose her routine on my dog if we go there. I always feed him after we've eaten and he sits patiently until he hears the last fork go down and then starts staring at you pitifully. I do this for the theory that being fed last will underline his position as the runt in the pack - and hopefully he won't develop any cocky, dominating behaviour.

For no reason, my mother wants to feed him earlier in the afternoon - which is when she used to feed our old dog. No one is asking her to get involved, I feed the beast myself. It's just controlling. And I can see her doing exactly the same kind of thing with my child(ren).

Elf all you have described is what i absolutely dread with my own mother. DS is second born grandchild and i know she goes against SIL wishes and yesterday i witnessed her give other granchild a bar of chocolate after he had already other chocolate and undermined my brother. This makes me incredibly anxcious about leaving him with her when older

Have other MNers refused to leave DS or DD with mother?

Oh I could be here all day, mother comes in to see DD1 (now DD2 as well) first thing she does is grab her sit her on her lap bring out the buttons and try and force them on her. She's been doing this since about 9 months. I let her have buttons as a treat but like to wait ubtil after shes had her lunch or dinner (she is now 19mo) so I say this to my mother "can you wait until after lunch" but will she listen every 5 minutes well I'm giving her the buttons now it's a fight! Also tried to undermine the 6 month weaning thing and tried to give DD everything. She has looked after DD1 about 3 times in her life and I left food for DD but she gave her porridge with sugar and salt in it at 9 months and a drink of lucozade! Her opinion is that children should have a taste of everything!!

Also on the dog subject DD was commando crawling and we took her to visit and one of her dogs was in season and bleeding on the carpet yuck!!! Also another one is one of those lick everything dogs double yuck, I have cats so not anti pet but dogs licking babies faces and hands is yuck.

Needeless to say we have not been to visit in a while.

So elf I totally understand I think some of the older generation think you are depriving a child by not giving them chocolate all the time

hi, new to mn, though been reading threads for awhile. i would be quiet annoyed if anyone gave either dds any sweets at 5 months. my mom would give dd1 tea biscuits if she was having some herself, at around 9 monthes. mom new i did not like it, used to say 'what mommy doesn't know wouldn't hurt'.i wasn't too worried as i knew she wouldn't give her anything before she ate. plus dd1 loves all healthy food, veggies her fav. another reason i wasn't so upset is cause i knew she gave her biscuits, crumps of cake cause she was eating it. she always fed her whatever she ate, though mainly lil bits of the sweets to 'let her have a taste'
as for the comments regarding 'horrible mommy'. well friends and family both used to say
when i wouldn't give dd1 sweets. i wasn't offended cause i knew none of would actually give their babies sweets, and were only joking.
so perhaps ur friends/families are only kidding?

Wow, Elf - you have more self control than I. Though my baby is only 3weeks, I can imagine myself actually physically removing him from Grandpa's house if that (She can have want she wants, she's at Grandpa's house) comment was made, and praying my retaliatory comments stayed unverbalized to avoid interfamily war.

What unbelievable disrespect and blatant recipe-for-spoilt-behaviour! Good thing your babba is too young yet to be truly spoilt by anyone - an older child could end up an awful handful after that sort of treatment.

Jacks - I feel empowered after reading your post is it really ok to do this? I think I am too soft I dread this sort of thing happening but I am determined to say somthing and notbe frightened of falling out temporarily.

I have spoken to DH and we are now on the same page about this sort of stuff. It would be very sad if it happened again and it caused an argument, there have been quite a few family fueds I have seen on the in-law side which have been quite sad, and I always vowed to stay out of it / be a good in-law, but my DD is my top priority.

MIL tried to give DD1 a sugarlump once - can't remember how old she was but no more than 2!!

MIL tried to give DD1 a sugarlump once - can't remember how old she was but no more than 2!!

i posted a few days ago about my mum nan and aunt giving my dd coke and choc, but i had forgotten this gem, i left my dd with my nan and aunt for a couple of hours while i went shopping, dd would have been 6 or 7 weeks at the time, i left her bottles of formula and off i went, when i came back, my nan was feeding her what looked like chocolate milkshake, turns out she had put nesquik in her sma!! i was actually lost for words, unusual for me

jacksmamma - sorry for asking but is your 3 week old your only child?

Lots of older children get a bit spoilt by their grandparents and honestly it doesnt make them into terrible brats

Been following this thread for a while and wondering if I should comment.
I don't really think that giving a 5 month old a chocolate button is the brightest idea in the world, but on the other hand I don't think it is a "deal-breaker" either.
Extended family is really important and it would be a shame to spoil a relationship with grandparents over the odd occasion of unhealthy food. We are all very precious with our first baby and then as they get older or we have others we realise that actually there are infinitely bigger things to worry about than too many crisps, sweets & fizzy drinks at Granny & Grandads. Particularly after we've seen them eat their own poo, dirt in the garden or whatever other horrors we haven't been quite quick enough to prevent them for shoving in their mouths.
By all means Elf, ask them to feed your baby your food, but don't forget they did manage to raise at least one adult to healthy adulthood & they could get very hurt if they think you believe that they are child poisoners.

lanismum, that's the worst by far.
6 WEEKS!!!