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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

"She can have want she wants, she's at Grandpa's house"...

81 replies

Elf1981 · 04/03/2006 21:26

...were the words uttered by FIL & MIL today as they put a chocolate button in my 5month old DD's mouth.
I'm so annoyed!! I've spent the last month shouting at anybody else who tries to go near her with chocolate, wish they had listened.
I have been slowly weaning my DD over the last week or so, literally small tastes of baby rice / pureed carrot & potato or bannana, nobody seems to understand that I want DD to be used to eating "normal" food before being addicted to chocolate!
I have the fear that if she ever goes there for a day or something, the food I send will be throw away and replaced with crap.
Anybody else in the same situation??

OP posts:
collision · 04/03/2006 23:22

my mum gave ds1 strawberry icecream when he was 11 weeks and when I objected she looked at me with the look I want to batter her and said, OH! You're going to be one of those mothers are you?'

eve2005 · 04/03/2006 23:26

ouch collision! don't think i would have handled that very well! what did you say? or was it one of those stunned silence moments?

jessicaandrebeccasmummy · 04/03/2006 23:28

I dont understand this mentality at all.... my dad is FAB with Jess (Becky is 19 weeks and is still milk only) She eats better at his than she does at home and will devour all sorts of fab food.... try the same at home and it gets spat out or mouth clamped shut..... as soon as i win the lottery, my dad is moving in with us!

lockets · 04/03/2006 23:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

collision · 04/03/2006 23:30

After stifling the urge to batter her(!) I walked away (after wiping the icecream off ds's mouth)

Really winds me up.

Chandra · 04/03/2006 23:37

Talking about these things, I surprised one cousin (28 yrs old) about to feed coloured icing from a birhtday cake to another cousin's 10m old baby! Obviously she doesn't have children herself but I was not expecting she didn't have common sense either. Shock

eve2005 · 04/03/2006 23:39

don't blame you collision. i've almost completely stopped bringing dd to either set of grandparents as i can't handle the stress anymore. should be able to leave her with them while dp and i go out but instead we have to hover over them at all times to make sure she's safe. Angry

lanismum · 04/03/2006 23:40

my mums like this, and my nan and aunt, sugar sandwiches, coke, chewey sweets, basically anything and everything thats sweet! dd is nearly 1, but they have been like this since she was about 4 months old, shes also allowed to do anything she likes, and is never told no or stopped from doing things.

Chandra · 04/03/2006 23:47

I meant to say 10weeks old baby, I guess that by 10 months it wouldn't be such a sin, although better to be avoided as much as you can.

Lanismum, how have you tolerate it? I almost flamed my mother after she offered coke to Ds when he was 2.5. But then maybe, after all his long history of food allergies I may be oversensitive to this topic.

lanismum · 04/03/2006 23:51

well im not a really strict mum with dd, but the only thing i never let her have is coke, and they all give their cans to her when she wants them, i do take them off her, but once shes already started it causes a big tantrum, and then i get all the 'horrible' mum comments!! im also really careful about brushing her teeth, but she crys, so for that reason, they all think i should just leave them to rot!!

lanismum · 04/03/2006 23:54

have to add that dd has no allergies/intolerances, so its not as huge a deal as it could be, and im sure they wouldnt do it if she had, i just dont want her to get used to fizzy drinks, as me and my brother and cousins were all given coke as young kids and all of us had rotton baby teeth.

eve2005 · 04/03/2006 23:58

my dp has horrid teeth, thanks to his parents feeding him crap, never brushing and never going to dentist and it really bothers him so he always stands up for me in the no sweets arguements.

lanismum, i think i'd slap anyone who had the gall to call me a horrible mum for trying to feed my dd properly!

lanismum · 05/03/2006 00:08

a few of my cousins have terrible adult teeth, luckily mine and my brothers adult teeth turned out ok Grin luckily we only go round my aunts every other week or so, and my mums not quite as bad, though i never do know what she feeds her when im not there..............

eve2005 · 05/03/2006 00:11

my mom does that. my dd gets awful nappy rash when she has dairy, think she has a milk intolerance and my mother knows this yet i have several times walked into a room to find my mom feeding her scones covered in butter!

bobbybobbobbingalong · 05/03/2006 00:19

I am taking a packed lunch for ds to my PIL for tea tonight as they still show absolutely no concept of what he can and can't have.

Original poster
Elf1981 · 05/03/2006 08:03

bobbybobbobbingalong - are you confident that your PIL's will give your DS the food you have packed, or are you staying there too?
My fear is that I will leave food and it will get replaced with rubbish. It annoys me as I have a small dairy intolerance, so I have tried my hardest not to give DD any dairy as I figure she may be sensitive to it as I am (just gives me an upset tummy if I eat cheese / too much milky stuff). I want my daughter to eat healthy food.

OP posts:
Original poster
Elf1981 · 05/03/2006 08:06

Spoke to DH last night about it when he got home. By this point I'd let myself boil into a frenzy!!
I think part of the reason he let it happen is because he did not have a good relationship with his dad growing up, so his dad is trying to make it up through his grandchildren (ie give them everything and spoil them) and my DH is trying not to rock the boat.
However, I pointed out that she's our DD and I wanted him to back me on things like that. He agreed, so hopefully there wont be any future problems.

OP posts:
Enid · 05/03/2006 08:12

chill out

one chocolate button is not going to hurt her/lead her to reject all non chocolate foods

Enid · 05/03/2006 08:15

please don't put your dd on a non-dairy diet! Sorry but it always bugs me when I read this. Tbh it doesnt sound as though you have a true allergy to dairy and an intolerance isn't necessarily hereditary. Dairy food IS healthy food for growing babies. Obviously if she does turn out to have an allergy to it, speak to your gp or a dietician before making any radical changes to her diet.

I can see from reading the rest of the thread that the issue goes deeper than one chocolate button so I'll leave now Wink

Original poster
Elf1981 · 05/03/2006 08:28

No Enid, fair comment.
Dairy - I'm leaving til DD gets older (she's only 5 months old so I dont want to push things that may be a problem and cause allergies til she's over the 6 months iyswim). I'm not putting her on a non dairy, I just dont want to give her that stuff too early and risk it.
As for the chocolate - maybe one or two wouldn't hurt, but that's all the PIL's want to push onto her. Everybody I know seems to say "give her some chocolate" not "let her enjoy food".

OP posts:
bobbybobbobbingalong · 05/03/2006 08:41

I was staying too. MIL was reasonable because ds had Paed appointment and 3 year allerdy tests next week and so cannot have his normal zyrtec.

mummygow · 05/03/2006 09:11

Hi elf thats awful - I would go ballistic if anyone tried to give ds anything like that, like you determined to wean him on the "right" food. I weaned dd on the appropriate food for her age and she did not have ant chocolate, puddings, crisps etc until she was 2 - everyone accepted this but still continuously saying "poor Jess"/"cruel mother" comments and I felt that I was always defending myself and trying to explain myself and I know it will be the same with ds - although I dont think anyone would try and give him chocolate at 5 months (then again maybe they would if I had given it to Jess as a baby) stand your ground - she is your baby!!

fairyjay · 05/03/2006 09:20

Not read the whole thread, so sorry if I'm repeating.

'She might be at Grandpa's house, but she's still Mummy's daughter, and Mummy says no!'

I'd follow it up with a sorry if you think I'm paranoid, but she is my daughter, and I am doing what I think is best for her.

eve2005 · 05/03/2006 10:54

elf, no harm to be careful of dairy. i have a mild intolerance too and when i introduced it to dd at 6 months she got the most awful nappy rash, boils and all. she only gets goats milk now and it's cleared up but it still flares up badly if any cows milk slips through. remember, mommy knows best!

SHHHH · 05/03/2006 14:50

DH & I are on the same wavelength.....BOTH sets of grandparents have been told that under NO circumstances is dd to be given any food such as chocolate. DH is adamant that if we ever found out they had gone against our wishes then they would never be allowed to see her again.

Sounds harsh I know BUT both dh & I have struggled with weight etc and we don't want dd to go down the same line. We do allow her the odd treat of a choc button etc BUT it's very rare and like I said, a treat.

Both sets of parents laugh at us like we are mad but I would dare them to try it.!!!! Angry
Elf1981,you ned to stand up for what you want for your dd and make sure everyone knows it. She is your dd so you are the one who decides what she does/doesn't have. My mum never gives dd anything without asking me or dh first.

Goodluck.