Breaking up with someone who's bipolar

[zellen]

I'm a man who's met the most wonderful woman. The problem is that she was with someone beforehand who she says is bipolar. She says they've split up, and I believe her, but from things like facebook (only what's on the wall, etc), it's not entirely clear he understands this. I've not met this person and he lives a distance away. In an ideal world, he would be completely out of the picture

My new partner has asked me to be a little patient. However, I feel decidedly uncomfortable that he is still on the scene. I don't want to appear insensitive to the difficult situation, but also, it does make me feel a little uncomfortable.

How would you handle this situation? I trust my new partner in that she is being honest with me

Thanks solid, she is telling me she feels guilty about leaving him. It would appear that he doesn't have good relationships with his family, and therefore, she (unreasonably) feels a sense of responsibility with him. I agree about making ultimata, I don't want to be doing that.

It is relevant to my point, please don't be flippant. My point being that you seem very keen on making whatever is happening between you sound important and substantial. I think this is clouding your judgement and enabling her to treat you badly. You want her to be your gf and ultimately your partner, right now she can't really be.

If he is 100s of miles away then there is no problem and I don't get why you have posted unless it was deliberate mickey taking?

she needs to cut all contact with him if he is not getting the message, he is not her responsibility - don't understand why they are still FB friends unless they were friends before they started going out with one another, she needs to remind him it is over and then block him

that's it really?

Offred, I take your point completely. I suppose the problem is that I do think what is happening is important and subtantial. I think she's a wonderful woman, but then I wouldn't be dating her if I didn't think that.

It's not mickey taking, I promise.

Either way, deliberately playing you both or thinking she is the ultimate determining factor in their relationship or coming out of an emotionally abusive relationship... None of it ends well for you in this situation.

Especially if you feel strongly.

It would be awful to be him and to have his private health problems and private relationship shared with someone who could be seen as a usurper... It will likely be horrible for you when you feel strongly for her and have started on such a bad note which already undermines the trust and the relationship. If she is wonderful she'll still be around in a few months when she is single. If you want a relationship I think you doom it to fail of you get involved with supporting her through her break up.

Offred, thanks for the good advice.

I really need to go to bed now. Sleep well

I see that after i went to sleep last night the ridiculousness continued

Some people on this thread have made themselves sound really pathetic.

This thread could have been a really good chance for some to learn about mental illness, instead it turned into bullying and picking on one person for NOT already knowing about it. How dare the op not be as educated as you on the subject!

Perhaps if you removed the massive chips on your shoulders you would be able to think more clearly.

Op. I would imagine that you are massively put off mn. I wouldn't blame you.

Oh Christ he sounds like my 'ex'! I was with him for 3 months, the emails stopped three years later. When I first met DH I'd finally woken up to what an EA wanker this guy was and had told him I didn't want anything else to do with him. I had to change my phone number as was getting tonnes of texts and phonecalls throughout the day; I had to notify my work as he was threatening waiting outside for when I finished. The messages would go from pleading to aggressive as I constantly ignored them and the calls. The police had to get involved.

I was honest with DH about the situation, he'd even hunted out DH non fb and sent him abusive messages! Needless to say DH still decided that he wanted to marry me.

It's a strange compulsion that makes you read emails etc and sometimes respond. I was still getting emails 3 years later!

You have to support her in getting rid of any guilt she has, that's how they get to you!

Also I have bi-polar, doesn't mean that I stalked my exes after we broke up!

I think the absolute key fact here is that you don't need to be mentally ill to be an arsehole but having a mental health problem doesn't mean you aren't an arsehole, either.

Thanks, I think that's where the confusion and upset seemed to come from last night. In my opinion, I think the ex is a bit of an arsehole. I think some thought by implication, I was saying that all people with bipolar are arseholes.

It seems to be as if this ex is a bit of an arsehole. The woman I'm seeing's mother is going through chemotherapy right now and has spent a lot of time travelling back to where her mother is. The ex would make my girlfriend feel guilty by suggesting that he had been abandoned. He genuinely seems emotionally abusive.

I'm just testing to see if this thread is still alive

I think the absolute key fact here is that you don't need to be mentally ill to be an arsehole but having a mental health problem doesn't mean you aren't an arsehole, either.

Quite.