I want to have an affair

[Affairsoftheheart]

[Message from MNHQ: Please note this is a zombie thread - it was started in 2014]

Okay long story short....
Been with OH for 8 years. We have 2 DCs - 5 and 2. We got together in a time in our lives when we were both vulnerable. We might not have got together. Since we had first DC, our relationship became quite bad (I think my hormones were crazy), and we were meant to sort out counselling. It never happened.

I also lost any interest in OH sexually, I just don't feel attracted to him. Though we did have another DC, which we both wanted. We sleep in seperate bedrooms, and have had sex about twice in 3 years.

Crazily enough we got married last year, and I really did want it to work out. I didn't really want to go through with it but OH insisted and it got to the point where I felt as if I couldn't cancel all the plans and tell everyone.
Anyway nothing had changed; sometimes we bicker, argue, get angry, at least once a month I want to leave. He is a good man, and I do love him, but I don't fancy him and I don't even want to try at the moment.

Anyway I have never even approached a man before BUT this builder came to look at a leak in our house and in a split instant I just was attracted to him. I kept phoning on the pretext of getting work done just to hear his voice. For the first time in years I felt so girlish, and silly, I fancied someone. I can't bear the thought that I will carry on in my life not having sex ever again!!!! I feel like I want to have a last fling, to be desired and attractive again.

So to cut a long story short; builder and I have been exchanging texts and mean to meet up, though I don't know if I actually will. He is young and very fit, and wants to please me.
I wouldn't leave OH as we are life partners, I have even said to him that I wanted to meet other men...

I am aware that this sounds like ones of reader stories in The Sun or something....

Am totally knocked sideways by my attraction to the builder....

OP did say that she talked to H about meeting others, didn't she?!

In the future, your kids will think badly of you for shagging the builder. And yes, they and everyone else will find out. That's how it rolls. You'll look embarrassing - an emotional car wreck and you'll be humiliated by this builder ultimately.

Try to get a grip before your hormones overcome you. Don't be the parent you and your school friends used to gossip about.

Harsh, but I say it because you can still see sense.

I can't believe that no one here who is married or in a long term partnership, has never been attracted to another person, not even just looking or admiring. Is it not totally normal to feel attracted to other people, because I think it is normal...

I have another one, but im less kind than my DP. I can't believe you even think this is OK. I assume the builder is married? And no, its not sour grapes, if you tried it on with my DP he would come home and tell me all about it and then have a good laugh about it.

You know what you need to do here, Affairs, you're just trying to distract yourself with a pleasant fantasy of dalliance with the builder instead of it.

There's no shame in saying a) "I want an open relationship, and I'm pretty sure you're not satisfied in this marriage either, what about it" or b) "This marriage does not meet my needs, I'm so sorry".

Woman up. Stop pissing about rearranging the deckcharis on the Titanic. Said with much sympathy for your position, genuinely. I have been where you have.

you will not get any support here im afraid as most of us have been cheated on by our partners and are heartbroken and picking up the pieces. End your marriage if your not happy before starting another relationship.,

Can just imagine the conversation "let's have an open relationship....oh and by the way I've already found who I want to shag"

Why not just end your relationship instead ?

I am often attracted to other men, i even flirt mildly, but i don't think about having affairs, so no, its not normal - its selfish, thts what it is.

likeatonneofbricks - we haven't formally talked about it as of yet. But it is something that I would like to broach if I ever had the courage to

It's totally completely normal to be attracted to other people. I've got a pretty high libido and I'm attracted to about twenty other people a day. But I respect my partner, and more importantly (to be brutally honest) his sex drive and mine are compatible. So I don't act on it.

Why are you here asking for our consent & encouragement to be unfaithful?

You are justifying it to yourself. If you can live with it and the fallout that WILL ensue at some point then fine.

Just don't expect sympathy from other women who have stayed faithful despite many attractions.

Get divorced & then look for comfort.

cotesdurhone - I haven't had any sex drive at all, completely dead down below, until I felt this attraction which I did not even know I was still capable of

You think your husband is your life partner?

Do you think he will feel the same after finding out his skank of a wife shags around?

Affairs, you need to take courage. That's what's missing here, not [insertrandomcock]. It's tough. Have you thought about counselling? Don't live your life in the shadows because you're afraid of bringing some unpleasant truths into the light.

of course it's normal to fancy others when you are in a committed relationship

taking steps to actually shag other people behind your partner's back is a whole other prospect though

how would you feel if this "builder" told all his mates what a sure lay you are...it puts a whole new spin on unsolicited calls to have your windows replaced don't it ?

Lucyellensmum99 - no builder not married - single

Well take it as a HALLELUJAH from the heavens that you are still capable of it don't act on it, but it's a massive alarm bell for your current life. Surely nobody can live like this. It's genuinely not the builder himself, really, don't go thinking he has a golden cock.

It's a big sign your life has somehow shrunk around you, I think. Be kind to yourself and start digging, but honestly if you go down this path I think you'll regret it.

bossybritches not asking for consent or encouragement

kinkyfuckery Laughing out loud at 'skank' of a wife!

Of course it's normal to feel attracted to other people.

Not normal to start a thread on mumsnet saying you want to have an affair though.

You need to talk to your husband.

Cotes - I think you may be right - for years I've been telling myself its okay not have sex, I don't need sex, I'm not interested etc and basically blanking the fact that OH and I don't have sex. In fact did not even have sex on our wedding night.
When all of a sudden its like oh actually I do have sexual feelings

I look at other couple who are affectionate to one another and surely have sex together, and I do feel that our 'marriage' is a sham. Because we don't have that basic intimacy

what's the point living with your P though? you aer in diff bedrooms, so why not be in different houses and divorced and co-parent? think of all the freedom and end of sexless life, AND you have found a lover already (mind you no guarantees how long would that last). Still you sound like you need your freedom more than the P.

Lucyellensmum99 - DH hasn't behaved badly, he is a good man...I just don't fancy him