Orgasms

[KirstyWirsty]

After reading the dating thread I am feeling a bit hard done by!

A poster on there said that during a sex session she has about 20 orgasms!!! I am lucky if I have one (and that takes a lot of mental stimulation on my part) .. my orgasms have also become less intense so it's all a bit of a let down really

I brought this up with a friend and she said that she comes about 6 times ...!

Am I doing something wrong?? Is there something wrong with me?? I am 44 and this has always been the case ..

---

If you've found this page in your search of the best sex toys that can help you achieve orgasm and have been recommended by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best sex toys for women useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

Women exaggerate just like men you know

I'm 44 too and sometimes have multiple mostly not. We don't get a lot of time together though as dp works nights but we try to make the most of our alone time. How much time do you and OH get alone?

I'd talk to your OH if I were you? Are you happy with your sex life though? And is you OH? Maybe you could experiment a bit more? I find if penetration is delayed, more massage/foreplay etc. then I enjoy sex more. We're all different though.

Ahh yes the multiple orgasm, as rare as the actual orgasm during penetrative sex. Multi orgasmic is rare, but to be honest if Im lucky enough to orgasm once which will normally be during oral, then I will do anything to get out of him coming near me afterwards, as Im normally still shall we say, sensitive throbbing afterwards which then normally descends in to giggles and play fighting, where I normally give in and squirm around all over the place.

I dont always believe those who say they are, as maybe it might be what I can the smaller shorter ones, which arent full orgasms to me.

no theres nowt wrong hun, I am the same as you as are a lot of us on here.

OP I'm like your friend, probably 5 or 6 times in a decent session but there's nothing wrong with having one orgasm. Have you tried having a practice session alone? No pressure from a partner, just you and your fingers/vibrator. You need a time when you can be in the house alone for at least an hour or two, no disturbances. Get yourself relaxed first - nice warm bath, glass of wine etc. And then see where your body can take you.
But even if you don't start to have multiples, it's not wrong. Its just the way you're made :)

Kirsty just noticed your username, hadn't realised it was you when I posted. This may have a lot to do with the relationship you had with your ex. You may find when you meet the next someone special that this changes. It did for me after my divorce. Casual sex doesn't do it for me but being with someone I'm really mad about and I feel safe with definitely helps.

Ah yes Shh My STBXH wasn't exactly great in the bedroom .. missionary position, god forbid if I tried to initiate anything , didn't like the way I performed oral sex (not rough enough!! However he shot himself in the foot as simple solution was I just stopped doing it after he criticised me!!) and he did a creepy thing of saying 'oops!' after he came however I have never had much more success with anyone else!

I am actually in the longest period of my adult life without having even a snog from anyone since January .. it is very depressing ...

I got a rabbit for my birthday but I find the noise quite off-putting and am worried it will de-sensitise me and so make the problem of reaching orgasm worse!

Sorry OP I presumed you were with a partner.

Oh bloody rabbits yuck! I got one of those it's awful. Much prefer a dildo but tbh I prefer using toys with dp.

I had a weird exdh. He wasn't keen on sex and would call it naughties
The one after him was like yours, criticised my BJs - I'm fucking great at them, taught friends how to do them using differing sizes of veg, gherkin, courgette and cucumbers - so I dumped him. He was shocked.

I hope you find someone deserving of you soon. It makes all the difference being with a mature adult man who knows what he's doing.

:) i do believe that poster was me :)
not exaggerate, promise.

To be fair, i do cum very very easily, VERY easily, but also the man im seeing has delayed ejaculation, so a ' session' might last 3 -5 hours.
20 spaced out over that time isnt that spectaclar.
Though still very good.

I woiuld say the issue is down to your ex, maybe you werent relaxed enough, you need to be relaxed and able to just totally be in the momment.
Vibrators are also good, i can cum in about 30 seconds with one. But its taken practice ( which isnt a bad thing) and a lot of learning what i like to get to that point... Rabbits are quite loud, clunky things, maybe something smaller, and less obtrusive might be a good place to start, and then have a go and work out what feels good... what you like, what you dont like, orgasm doesnt have to be the main goal. and then when somethings good, relax and enjpy that feeling... and then you will probably find your body takes over, and jackpot!
Maybe some erotic literature ( not damn 50 shades) might be good to, to get you in the mood... or, if you are more visually stimulated, some porn.

This is a good toy.

Actually this is the one I have.

I wasn't going to mention you by name watch .. lucky so and so!

I have a full collection of Nancy Friday books and some other erotic fiction for women (I thought 50 shades was tripe!) - that's what got me through the last 10 years .. helped with the mental process!!

I mentioned about sex being (excuse the pun) an anti-climax to the counsellor I saw after the split and she said maybe I just hadn't met the right person .. but I've had sex with rather a lot of people ...

Can't look at those in work Curious - I'll have a look later.

Thanks!

Im not luckly, honestly, its taken a lot of practice.
LOTS
i know what works for me, so, i can get on top and cum almost instantly... im certainly not going to rely on someone else to get me off.

Im also not afraid to say exactly what works for me in some position, or hands, or whatever... so, i get what i want :)

But it honestly taken a lot of self practice to get to this point. Honestly. Cant stress that enough. and yes, its as much mental as anthing else.

Right, you have nancy friday, so def get some small, flexiable ( rather than solid) vibrator, and have a go :)

and you might find, with vibrators that you want to use them just externally, rather than internally.
I rarely use one internally and just rub/ grind aganist the shaft of it.
( lord, how embarassing, but in the interests of helping someone....)
and im sure ive read something that says most women do the same.

i orgasm when i play with myself on my own several times but during sex i rarely do.i try to relax and just enjoy it n please myself later.lol

Watch I was never allowed to go on top ... maybe with my next partner eh??

Fellinglonely I suppose that is another approach I could consider!

proof indeed that the issue isnt with you, but the muppet that was your ex :)

never allowed on top, controlling much??

You can only really orgasm with someone you feel comfortable enough with. Also not someone as selfish as your ex.

Not allowed to go on top???

You have a lot of making up to do you lucky girl!

Nice blokes will let you do all the riding you need!

Curious He didn't like me to initiate sex, didn't like the way I performed oral sex and basically followed the same routine ... very controlling indeed!

He also wasn't very highly sexed .. there are rooms in our house that we've never had sex in and we lived there for 7 years .. I think that is quite odd as it wouldn't have happened in previous relationships

Atleast Just need to find someone to practice with .. not exactly got a queue beating their path to my door I'm afraid!!

Don't know if I give off the wrong vibes or something as I have had several comments about how much better I look now (new hairdo and been going to the gym, new brighter wardrobe etc)

Give it time Kirsty, concentrate on you at the moment. Before you know it you'll be spoilt for choice. In the meantime get yourself a few toys and find out what you like. Not what your ex wanted you to like.

I met dp online have you tried that? I know it isn't for everyone.

Glad you're away from the ex though.

Me too Curious

I am just about to go into the major upheaval of selling my home (which I will miss - I don't miss him) and will be staying with my mum for a while until the financial agreement is finalised so not really a good time to start dating

I am not in any rush - quite enjoying my single life at present :)

For me with my ex I would only ever orgasm once but with my new partner I can orgasm many times. The difference I think is that my ex only wanted to do things in a set routine and always in the bedroom. In fact he always said we couldn't do the deed on the sofa in case he got injured?! My current partner is way more imaginative and I never know what's going to happen. He likes me initiating stuff too. It means I'm often really turned on before he actually touches me. This is why I orgasm more. It's definitely all in the mind. I never would have thought I could have multiple orgasms and didn't realise I was missing out with my ex. My eyes have been really opened.