Internet dating, where am I going wrong?

[GemsAngels]

Iv just signed up to a dating site and Im a little disappointed! Its been a few weeks and i want to give up already!!
Im not sure what I was expecting but I seem to be attracting the below 25's who are looking for what they call 'fun'!
Or the over 45 bald fat ones!! (sorry to bald fat men but its not my thing!)
I have a good profile. I have put some decent pics on there.
Please tell me where Im going wrong??

It's not you, it's them.

Internet dating is mainly rubbish tbh, I know it works for some blah blah. Hang on in there and you never know someone half decent might pop in your inbox.

Be patient. Was on there for 18 months talked to loads only had 3 dates one of whom is now my DH.

Be picky don't take it too seriously x

Thanks Tressy
Its like its a pick up site! The young guys honestly think your on there cos your desperate or something, saying that god knows what the fat bald ones think.
I dont know if Im shallow but we all have a 'type' its shocking some of the messages.
Someone said it builds your confidence, not quite getting that!!

Thanks Losingitall thats good :)
I am trying not to take it too seriously, just so shocked by it I guess!

lol....yes I got loads of messages from young guys too. Hilarious. I love their arrogance too. When you say 'you're too young for me' they always come back saying 'you're not too old....you look great' etc etc and are staggered to realise that you are just not interested in them.

A lot of guys are bald! I don't mind that, although was hoping for a change of hairstyle at some point! Dunno. I've been lucky with internet dating. Chatted online to quite a few, met a couple of guys in RL, both nice. Been seeing one of them for a few months despite initially thinking I wouldn't when I first met him. He is balding and more robust than previous partners...but really good laugh and I seem to have fallen for him!

Amazing some of the crazy messages. If you try to keep an open mind and not get offended. Block anyone who is just downright rude/awful. But to be honest, in my experience, even those who have crazy requests can be fun to chat to briefly and if you're upfront then no-one gets offended.

I'd say meet up in RL as soon as possible if you're interested in anyone - just for coffee. Then you don't waste time on great online chit chat and then find it's not going to go anywhere. You only really want to find one or two decent ones amongst all the dross. Have fun. Good luck.

Yes OP don't be discouraged by the twits, just block them and be patient. There are nice ones on there, same as anywhere.

You just have to sort out the wheat from the chaffe theres always far more of the latter

or could it be chaff don't have spell check on here.

Which site are you using? Several friends have met partners through the paid sites rather than POF.

Thanks LovingFreedom and MissFaversam
Iv just discovered the block button so will be using that.
I hope I dont sound shallow as Im not perfect, but have morals, and try to look after myself, have drive! These guys look like slobs, or have pics of their dogs, cars, muscles. Im just not attracted to them, not my type at all. I find myself getting irritated by the text talk or if they dont add a comma or fullstop! How mean am I?
Not one decent guy as yet :(
I will try and stick at it!

Its POF sky

If anyone had a picture of their car was semi naked or read the sun or mail I put in my profile that they shouldn't contact me!

That filtered a few out

POF is well renowned to be a knocking shop, you are likely to get a better clientèle on paid sites.

I might have to update my profile, its hard to without sounding shallow or mean.
Up until now it has made me feel worse about being single, at least before I had some hope, now I have next to none!

My friend had loads of pictures of dicks sent to her when she was on POF. She joined a paid site and her now P sent her a picture of his dog

Hi Gems, You don't sound shallow and don't lower your standards! Looks not everything but yeah, posing with cars, muscles, guitars, dogs (well maybe I'd be ok with a dog, depending on the pose lol) is pretty sad. Also, some that advertise things like 'free to a good home' make me laugh!! I was on OKCupid. I'm not saying that it's any better necessarily. Haven't tried any others. I also put a request on my profile saying 'please do not contact me if you are married or in a relationship'. Surprisingly (to me) I had been getting a lot of messages from openly married men and that did seem to cut them out.

Oh god internet dating is a nightmare. I signed up to Oasis, and didn't accept a single "contact", every man on there looked either like shrek without the charm, or like a sex obsessed child man dipped in a vat of slime. Just awful. I deleted my profile after two weeks.
I did join a smaller more specialised dating site, and had a few ok-ish dates, one really nice one, and had only one freaky message. Unfortunately the nice one disappeared.

sky Noo! Really, omg see I would be discusted. Ok the dog thing is cool!

Lovingfreedom Thanks. I might look at that one or maybe think about paying for one. Fed up of being single now!
Yes Iv had 2 married guys mail me. Im gonna update my profile, see how it goes.

Aw that made me giggle runtosea yeah I understand totally, I cant see me putting up with it for too much longer.
Im sure another nice one will come along soon, Im waiting for just one :)

Tough love from the expert here!

I wrote this thread a couple of months ago because OD worked brilliantly for me and several friends - we are all happily married to fab men. A lot of people don't like the 'no sex too soon' stuff but it was crucial for separating the frogs from the princes. Take the tips or leave them - but OD CAN work.

In fact will post the original post below but if you want to see the questions and comments on the original thread click on the link.

Good luck :)

ODQ

This may be controversial... Have name changed.

Online dating has proved very successful for me and three friends ie we are happily married to lovely men we met online dating. We are ordinary women with decent jobs, not supermodels / mega wealthy etc.

Constantly seeing threads on MN and other sites where women are OD and having a nightmare meeting decent guys who don't just want a shag. The people who nay-say the most make (IMHO) certain key mistakes. I would therefore like to share my 'tough love' tips for online dating. Please don't feel patronised and do feel free to flame me to death. Doesn't change the fact that for me and three friends we have met and married brilliant guys who we met OD.

1. Don't expect to enjoy every date - this is crucial. I once read something where OD was compared to job hunting - it involves time investment (online), getting dressed up and feeling nervous (for dates). It is not always a comfortable experience and it is MUCH easier to stay home. No pain, no gain. I went on 20+ first dates over a 5 month period before meeting DH. At least one date a week most weeks, occasionally two.

1. DO NOT HAVE SEX ON FIRST DATE - or indeed in first month. I have read exceptions to this where it has worked out (online) but don't know of anyone personally. They are the exceptions. Why complain that men only do OD for sex, then put out on the first date? If this sounds Victorian, can't be helped. Making a man wait gives you both a chance to suss each other out and builds anticipation. It also immediately eliminates the opportunists / married men etc.

1. Don't waste months online - few emails, phone call, suss them out - then meet. You can have great online chemistry and they can tick all the boxes - but when you meet there's something not there. Happened to me a couple of times and one of the guys was amazing - but just no spark. We were both regretful about it but after 4 lovely dates we were honest that something was missing. Hugged and wished each other well.

1. Keep dates short and sweet - meet for an evening coffee. Yes it is a pain getting all dressed up for one hour, but saves being stuck at dinner with the world's most annoying guy.

1. If they cancel more than once without major reason, drop them like a stone. Ditto if they keep texting (especially flirting / sexting) without ever wanting to meet.

1. Here's the clincher - DON'T SWEAT THE SILLY STUFF. I'm talking here especially about clothes and other easily changed things. Can't believe how many people I know who went on dates with nice guys then obsessed over their shoes, their hair etc. My DH arrived at our first date wearing THE UGLIEST JACKET IN HISTORY! By 6 months in, it was away to the charity shop. I was lucky - saw very fashionable friend in action when I met her then BF. He was wearing a dad jumper and trousers too short for his legs. He is now her DH and dresses like a normal human being, thanks to her patient guidance. Ditto my husband (took about a year to get rid of the worst offenders, including the anorak and the schoolboy shoes :o).

1. Be prepared to expand your search area an extra few miles - it's amazing who appears in your search list for the sake of 20 miles.

This is my longest ever MN post but trust me, I had plenty of OD experience. Good luck in your search!

ps: if you just want a shag, ignore all this and pick the juiciest one you can find. I had a few 'friends with benefits' offers and with one was really tempted

PlentyOfFish does seem to be a site that is mainly used by people who want NSA/FWB encounters. If that's not what you're after, another site might be better for your.

Wow! OnlineDatingQueen thankyou :)
Thanks for your tips, and Im gonna have a read of that post later when Im home. Wow it works, hard to believe but good to know!
Yes very tempting as some of these guys are quite yummy but its not for me!
Thanks again :) Can I ask what site you were on? Also your friends?

Im gonna look around solid chhers! :)

Agree with ODQ - all good advice.
I think that a lot of guys struggle with what to put in their profiles so give guys who look/sound reasonable a chance. If you stick to the coffee date rule then you only ever have to put up with someone for 45 mins or so. Be prepared to meet some people, most of whom you won't want to see again, but all of whom will be an experience for you!

Thanks Loving Yeah i will def do the coffee date first, hope Im not too nervous. I do try and give them a chance but not highly attracted to any, its hard through a pic. I will try though.
Well lets just see if I even get one date eh!

There was a really funny woman on tv a few years ago talking about the way men fill in their profile for online dating.

Hair colour - because they only look at their chin in the mirror when they're shaving, they put the colour they were born with. They truly haven't noticed they're no longer that colour.

Height - as children their mums always said "You're so tall! When are you going to stop growing! You're my big boy" etc so when asked for their height they think they must be at least 6 ft tall. (Plus if their mums are older they will have shrunk so they're even taller in comparison.) After all, when was the last time anyone's height was measured?

Weight - they have a choice of either average (because all of their contemporaries are overweight too) or well built (if they are bigger than their contemporaries.) Well built sounds OK, doesn't it? You think of rugby players.

Hobbies - well, they don't have any. They see the list though and think, Oh I used to love camping in the scouts. And that day I went rock climbing - that was great. And I loved that gig I went to in 1987. And they were given a couple of books a few Christmases ago that they haven't had time to read yet, but fully intend to.

Job - they were put in charge of something because they'd been in the company the longest time and they were a difficult person to deal with in meetings, so that boss decided to get him off his team.

So the woman turns up expecting a 6' tall manager with dark brown hair and average build who loves hiking and rambling and live music and reading.

He's actually 5'8", several stone overweight, with grey hair and doesn't remember the books he's read and clearly hasn't been outdoors for pleasure in a very long time. Oh and he's in charge of the stationery cupboard.

But POF is dreadful, OP. Try Love and Friends or Guardian Soulmates.