Internet dating, where am I going wrong?

[GemsAngels]

Iv just signed up to a dating site and Im a little disappointed! Its been a few weeks and i want to give up already!!
Im not sure what I was expecting but I seem to be attracting the below 25's who are looking for what they call 'fun'!
Or the over 45 bald fat ones!! (sorry to bald fat men but its not my thing!)
I have a good profile. I have put some decent pics on there.
Please tell me where Im going wrong??

hatesponge How long have you been on there if you dont mind me asking?

Gems I've been on POF on & off since Sept last year - I think I'm now on my 4th or 5th profile - my tolerance is about 2 months max then I get fed up, delete and give it up for a couple of months til the boredom of being single draws me back to it!

I've been single for about 4 years in all now though, I was on a couple of other sites prior to POF, but with no greater success - I did about 6 months on Match 3 years or so ago which was a complete waste of time & money! I also spent about a year or so just trying to meet people in RL, not very successfully as it turned out :)

I am not yet one of the success stories of internet dating I'm afraid!

Well lets not give up eh? Im going to keep calm and take it easy :)
I would love to meet someone in Rl but its so difficult. All my friends are settled down, so every other weekend when the DC are at their dads, Im soooo lonely. I usually have my bottle of wine to keep me company.
I am happy with how my life is heading as Iv been on a bit of a rollercoaster but missing a certain something now.
Ok here we go again, Im going to check my mail, if any :)
Good luck hatesponge

I agree with ODQ that it's good to come across as interesting and easy-going. Some other tips:

-photo is important. Don't use an old one or one where you are much prettier, slimmer, younger than you are now. Men hate that when they meet you and they get a nasty surprise. Use one that looks like you, ok on a good day, but looking kind of relaxed/normal. Holiday snap is good. Then when you show up in RL you can wow them by being more attractive than on your profile.

• again on photo. Smiley and relaxed I think is better than very sexy pose. Most men prefer natural look when it comes to partners rather than NSA sex or one night stands. You want to look approachable not scary and like someone that even if it doesn't work out they will have a decent laugh, conversation, night out with. And again, you can turn on the sexy stuff for them if and when appropriate. I'm amazed looking at some of the women's profiles how provocative they are but they say they are looking for friendship etc... (not saying that's you, I haven't seen your profile).

• I think being a bit relaxed about what you are looking for is better. Having a 'see how it goes' attitude prob works better than saying you are looking for a long term relationship but that doesn't mean NSA is on offer

• on the profile, maybe include a few interests that might appeal to men too, eg comedy shows that you like, films, music.

• try to include something that might spark some interest or give a talking point. I included a Scottish word in my profile and you'd be amazed how many men have contacted me using that as an initial hook into a conversation.

• go slow. Don't sleep with them for first few dates. If it means they piss off then so be it, they were only in it for sex. Let them know that you're busy with other things so doesn't hurt if you can't make some of the dates they suggest. Mention friends, interests etc so they know that you are a catch and that there is competition for your time.

• I agree with those who say spread the net a bit wider geographically esp if you have a city nearby - Bristol must be teeming with great single guys.

Thanks Lovingfreedom
All my pics are recent and no pics that are showing more flesh than should be shown! God Id scare them anyway!
I think I have my profile up to standards! Im not sure if alot of guys are put off by me having kids. I feel there is alot of pressure for single mums, well me anyway!

Another success story here but not well qualified to give advice as I only chatted to/met one guy... the one I signed up to the site (GS) to meet and am now living with 2 years later!

My one big tip - you can't always tell you fancy someone on the first date, give them a second chance unless it's really been horrendous. I didn't fancy my DP at all on our first date, and he had a really irritating laugh! Turned out to be nerves though as it's never reappeared. We got on OK, not great, but gave it another go and by the 3rd date were getting on like a house on fire. Obvious 'attraction' took time to develop.

Just asked DH what he liked about my profile and he said lack of detail, brevity? Hmm, that's not helpful, is it.
I agree with it being a numbers game.
I agree with avoiding web cam - sounds excruciating!
Lots of nice smiley photos, but not party ones.

Coming to Kent: our experiences were similar! I had lots of fun/shagging before meeting DH (and there it ended!), no guardian dates- have stopped reading it in disgust. Also a guy late 50s who said he was 40 - I had liked him because he wanted to meet 30-50 and I thought he was open minded.

Hate sponge, DH was really ill on first date (but didn't tell me) it put me off him massively and I refused to meet for a second for ages. It would have been way better if he had simply rearranged!

I do recommend match.com

Gems, on the single mum thing, I mentioned kid in the 'about me' section but nowhere else. A lot of profiles go on about their kids Peter andre stylee and I think that can be off putting too.

Wow that was good going Fratercula I will remember the fancying bit then. Its so difficult through pics, I dont find any that have mailed me appealing. I wish there was a slight attraction just so I can see if I can get a bloody first date!

I agree with Alurk on that. I've seen a guy advertising on OKC and it basically read like he was looking for a child-minder (felt a bit sorry for him as he was widowed and left with young family but....). I've been upfront about having kids but, like Alurk, as a fact about me rather than major part of the profile.

Thanks Alurk Havnt mentioned them just where it says do you have kids and have ticked yes! My pics are smiley, actually I get called smiley alot. They are happy ones anyway.
Some guys message me and I reply and then they dont bother again. One guy looked quite nice so I messaged him, he replied and then asked a question, I answred and asked him a question and he didnt reply. Dont bloody get it!

TBH I'd probably ease up on the physical attraction bit and just start getting out there. At least you'll get some cups of coffee bought for you (you'll rarely or never have to pay) and you'll meet some interesting and uninteresting people. Just avoid those with the obsessive hobbies, huge muscley egos (unless that's your thing) and the gimp masks (again uniess that's your thing). Meet in public places, afternoon or early evening. Have a laugh. Why not arrange to meet several in one day if you've got a babysitter - I had one Sunday afternoon when I went from date to date then went round to my mates and we had a good old laugh talking about them all. Wasn't a total waste of time either cos one of them is the one i'm still seeing at the moment.

One thing I would say re sleeping with them or not, it's really no guarantee of longevity 'making them wait' til the 5th or 8th date or whatever, ultimately if a guy is just out for sex then he'll stick around til he gets it, and then bugger off without a second thought thereafter no matter how many dates you've had...sad but true. I think it's something you have to use your own judgment on when it feels right.

Agree re the kids thing though, I dont have photos of my DC on my profile or make more than a passing mention of them, and I tend to be a bit put off men who do.

Yes loving, this is true. Im always stuck for a friday evening, I will make this my date night.
Again, gotta get me that first date though :)
No pics, no mention of my DC. Just ticked the box!

Gems no harm in trying it but I know that having been on dates with men I didn't fancy when I was on Match (I was desperate to get something for my money!) I found it a really depressing experience tbh, and was quite resentful of wasting my precious free time on a series of unattractive losers!

Since then I will only go on dates with men I feel at least SOME attraction to, hence why I've only been on 5 or 6 dates this year...

Maybe look for ones who perhaps whilst not great looking, aren't unattractive, but also seem interesting/funny/entertaining from their profiles, at least that should mean that if you don't fancy them in the flesh at least you won't be bored :)

This is another thing, precious free time. I dont want to waste it either! Yes I will make sure there is some connection there to start. I just havnt been attracted to anyone as yet, but will keep looking.

Yes, I got lucky! Not sure what I would have done if it had led nowhere with the guy who's now my DP... don't think I would have been thick-skinned enough for the cut-and-thrust of 'real' internet dating.

I do think it helps to know yourself well and be clear in your own mind what puts you off in someone - I don't think either DP or I are 'typical' internet daters as we're both quite quiet and introverted. You see loads of profiles of guys (and girls!) who write something like 'All my many friends think I'm a good laugh and I like a good party' - trying to prove their social credentials - well I don't like a good party and I know from years of experience that I never get along that well with people who do!! There's no point trying to be someone you're not, just to meet people.

DP and I exchanged 6 or 7 emails before we met face-to-face, that felt about right as it gave us enough info to keep conversation flowing on the date (we could ask each other reasonably sensible questions about our lives) without becoming too emotionally invested.

Oh and I did think he looked nice in his photo, so I wasn't unattracted - but it took a while for something more to develop.

Thanks Fracter My profile is very true to me and friendly/chatty. I have recent pics. Just got to find a potential date now :)

@Fracter i am very similar to you not a partying or clubby person and really do not hit it off with people who like that sort of thing lol I am homely young woman really but do like going out to places to just not clubs or parties.

@GemsAngels better to find someone local then if things don't work out you haven't travelled far.

Tried POF, not a great experience, then again met a few weird ones on match too. Generally put off for now with web dating, if nothing turns up the 'traditional route' soon, may give it another go. Anyone tried datingforparents.com ?

I went on a paying site for my sport and met a splendidly barmy Special Forces officer who skyped me from Afghanistan. That was wildly exciting but he came with a whole string of Red Flags so had to go. We have actually become buddies now through our sport though.

Then I tried POF and met a lovely lovely man who is now my DP and after a year we are still to have our first argument.
(I seem to have forgotten how to! )

He had been on paying sites for two years and not met anyone and was despairing. It is just luck how long it takes to click with someone I think.

I am marking my place. not signed up for OD and the idea actually makes me shudder but I am gathering advice for when i feel the time is right.

I can't see me meeting anyone in RL as everyone is attached so it seems the only way to go!

Ok ladies, my laptop screen is broken, one of the kids stood on it, my fault for eaving it on the floor I guess. Anyway until I replace there will be no more OD for me. I can only just make out your messages I have received since last night.
sl34 I think anything up to an hour away is acceptable. I wouldnt be able to afford to travel too far.
Open My friend met her hubbie on dating for parents. Iv never tryed it myself. Maybe thats one I might try. Im thinking Im gonna give a paid site just a little go, maybe a months trial. (When I replace my laptop)
Lemon Thats a happy ever after :)
Kirsty I cant see me meeting anyone in Rl either, and apparently OD is the way forward these days.
Im sorry if Iv missed anything half of my screen is missing s)

Im considering the same, once divorce is over, its just finding the right site without all the perverts on it!

Every time I mention OD in whispered tones, thinking people will think Im a sad muppet, most of them go , ooh yeah, XX met XX through OD. So its not the "sad" thing that it used to be, lol.

So the 26 year old who I mentioned above and who is barely literate has asked if I would like to meet up next week. So far I've answered his messages out of a combination of amusement and politeness but don't know how to answer this one. We are so not suited.

Any suggestions on what I can say that's not - look, you are 10 years younger than me, can barely spell, obviously haven't read my profile properly and have asked me if I've ever been with a 26 year old....I don't think so!