Internet dating, where am I going wrong?

[GemsAngels]

Iv just signed up to a dating site and Im a little disappointed! Its been a few weeks and i want to give up already!!
Im not sure what I was expecting but I seem to be attracting the below 25's who are looking for what they call 'fun'!
Or the over 45 bald fat ones!! (sorry to bald fat men but its not my thing!)
I have a good profile. I have put some decent pics on there.
Please tell me where Im going wrong??

sl34 please please if you find a way tell me! ;)

Gems, LoveandFriends is a great site. But as a free member the messaging system is a bit complicated.

If a full member messages you, you have 7 days in which you can reply.

If another free member messages you, you will need to use the tagging system in order to reply (or upgrade to paid membership).

As a free member you can send winks / icebreakers but again would need to use the tagging system to send a proper message.

Click on the Messages area and then on Messaging Rules & Tips for a full explanation.

Good luck.

Oh thankyou IamtheZombie I will have another look later. Sounds complicated and I bet its better to pay!

Missed your post sl34 Im not sure I can do it but will give it a bit longer. At this rate its depressing! Thanks for the help :)

SL34 if you think it's easier meeting men in RL... just do it! No one is making you OD and if it's depressing you then definitely take a break.

But on the linked thread I do write several times that persistence is the single most underestimated quality needed for OD. And rule #1 - don't expect to enjoy every date. You won't. That comes with the territory. Expect double figures as standard, 20-30 dates isn't uncommon, I can easily believe some people go on more.

Gems I'm reluctant to do this but if you want to post me the link in a PM to your profile I will have a look if you like?

I suggest you PM it because I know there was another thread a while back where a girl bravely posted a link on the thread and people were a bit obnoxious about it.

OnlineDatingQueen - thanks for your sympathy. It was hard because we were together for a few months and I was on the verge of falling for him in a big way before I realised what was going on. We met on Guardian Soulmates and he had a nice profile, unlike many on there which are pretentious, and offputting (to me at least).

GemsAngels - thanks. I couldn't believe my luck when we met. There was chemistry from the beginning and it couldn't have gone better. He set up the second date at the end of the first and was just lovely. I still can't really work out what went wrong. He's not back on there again though so I think he's gone back to his ex. He did tell me on the first date (because I asked) that he'd split up with her a few weeks before - which would be only about a week before he put himself on GSM. I think next time I will definitely make sure it's not just a rebound thing before getting too involved, though difficult to ask too many questions in the beginning! And I will know the signs of coke use this time!!

And I'm glad I'm not the only one who cares about proper grammar and spelling. To me, it's like a job application. You wouldn't send in any old crap if you were trying to impress an employer so why is it ok to send any old crap to a potential date?!

I also don't know why so many men put photos of themselves with other women on their profiles. At least cut the other woman out, especially if she's gorgeous!

I laughed at the height thing. So, so true!

PS I'm in Bristol and bagsie any decent men in this city!

Gems, Zombie paid, she met, she married.

Gems it is depressing at times, and confidence-sapping. You have to have a VERY healthy sense of self esteem to keep on going with it and dealing with all the crap associated with it!

I've found that online is full of fakes, liars, cheats, nutters, timewasters and general mindfucks. All you can do is just keep on keeping on sifting through all the dross in the hope that eventually someone half decent will turn up.

Or you just give it up, buy 5 cats and live out life as a spinster.

I am currently on the verge of the latter!

I was the one who was brave crazy enough to post my profile (because I couldn't get beyond a first date - still haven't in fact!). Whilst there was some helpful advice, and a lot of positive comments, the less positive ones were fairly clear that I wear too much makeup, dress like a slut, think too much of myself and that's why I can't get a man...

So don't post a link to your profile on a thread as it's unlikely (going by my experience) to end well!

Thanks ODQ Have sent what my profile reads and I have a couple of pics on MN so you can see what I look like!

Aw bless you hatesponge you havnt given up though so thats good!
I will keep at it and see if I can get just one date at least haha!
Thanks for the help :)

Gems / hatesponge I can say with confidence that I categorically DID NOT meet more than 3 'fakes, liars, cheats, nutters, timewasters and general mindfucks' and one I sussed within 2 dates , the other two after 1st date. And that was after 20+ dates. That said there were 2 funny guys who I never actually met up with but had me ROFLing because they cancelled dates last minute because:
#1 - claimed he had been in A&E and told me in disgusting detail what he had done until I felt like I was going to hurl (kind of killed the romance for me :o)
#2 - a few hours before date phoned to say "I'm so sorry, I just can't do this, I'm not ready!" He sounded like he was going to have a full on panic attack, something to do with a relationship that had finished months or years before but he wasn't ready to date!!! I did try to gently talk him down (for his sake rather than mine!) and point out it was just a coffee, not an elopement but he couldn't go through with it :o

There is a knack to reading profiles for the 'hidden stuff' but in the end all you can do is go on the date and trust your gut.

And if you are attracting no guys / the 'wrong' guys I would always go back to the profile. I'm reluctant to say that Sponge as I think you got a hard time over your profile and had changed it quite a bit but that would be my starting point. Said on other thread but I re-wrote my friend's profile and she started getting messages from totally different guys.

Xposted Sponge. I know, I remember some people were very horrible :( There was no need for it.

This is going to totally out me to people who know me but

I used to do a lot of OD - met one bloke I went out with for nearly a year but have had some shockingly bad dates (Rhodri Morgan is writing a book about OD - one of my most awful ones will appear in it :o)

My last two which really put me off were men who got really upset that I didn't like them as much as they liked me and were really horrible about it, sending me horrible emails and whiny messages etc.

Actually that links into the Schrodingers Rapist blog that Beachcomber posted on another thread. Men who really harassed me for not fancying them basically.

So I haven't done OD since and that was about 2 years ago. I really need to get back in the saddle

Your advice is v useful ODQ

I had one utter shit date with a guy who thought it was socially appropriate to greet me for the first time with a full on smacker...queue my excuses to need a wee, then straight to my car.

Next date I had (after ten months mind from the above), was with my now boyfriend. That was in January and am now very very happy. Keep with it op

Gems I do give up from time to time - after the whole thing over my profile I felt so utterly despairing I deleted it completely for a few weeks! Am back on now though still with not much more success. I did meet one guy a couple of weeks ago who is nice, and allegedly wants to see me again, but he's been ill since then so atm I'm still waiting to see if I ever get a second date with anyone! or if I am just doomed to be on the shelf forever

ODQ the only good thing is that in consequence of years of this stuff I am now fairly resilient to criticism so the comments people made on that thread luckily didn't affect me that much :)

Patiently awaiting ODQ's verdict :s
Oh I know how you feel Dow I have had a couple of mean messages too, saying I am shallow as I ignored his messages, all 3! Are we supposed to mail every single one back saying thanks but no thanks, maybe I dont know!
Are you gonna give it another go now?

Hello I am in the same boat, I know that it can work as 3 of my best buds have met their bf online and infact two of them are now engaged!!! The two that are engaged met their other halves on match.com and the other mate is 3 months in to a new relationship with a chap she met on pof!

So it can be done but I seem to just attract the freaks, have had one date and he was o.kay but not really enough there to make me want to see him again and all the other ones have really not been that great. One guy seemed nice and we msged for a while and then he said he had 'issues' and vanished another one said he had a great career - it turned out he was a delivery driver for sainsburys, not being snobby or anything but really ??!

Have decided just to check in every once in a while and not take it too seriously!!!

Sent verdict - hope it doesn't seem too downer, I put focus on things I would tweak IYSWIM. Feel free to ignore it.

Just asked DH what he remembers about my profile (all these years later!) and he summed it up by saying I sounded 'interesting but easygoing'. The male dream...

And sponge if he's ill give him a chance (if you believe him). With DH we only had 3 dates in about 5 weeks (first 3 dates too) because a) we were both in mad periods in work and b) we lived a bit of a distance apart so needed a bit of planning. It actually got easier once we got to the 'staying over stage', was a PITA for about 8 / 9 dates when we were still just smooching! :)

ODQ I do believe him, it's just a bit annoying having after all this time (possibly) met someone who does want to see me again that illness has got in the way - sods law I guess!

Thanks OhEmGee Oh dear, how embarrassing for you! Glad it worked for you in the end!
Hopefully you get your second date hatesponge :) you will be a pro just like ODQ and when you find 'The One' you can come and advise us beginners ;)
Hi girliefriend yeah Iv heard good stories and I feel its got to be a good way to meet otherwise how else do we meet potential partners? Im 35 and have DC its difficult for me. My ExH left and moved on within weeks. Im fed up of spending every other weekend by myself. Poor me :) haha! No seriously Iv been on my own 2 years now and feel its time to meet someone nice :)

You will Gems fingers crossed :)

Right, going out for ice cream here but will be watching with interest! :o x

Thanks for verdict ODQ :)