Checked DHs Internet History

[PastaLadyHasNameChangedForThis]

I have name changed, am a very regular poster who is sat wondering what the actual fuck.

I am on Maternity Leave at the moment and all this time is playing havoc with my head. It's so unbeleiviably silly but i've gone form being so trusting and utter non-jealous of DH to thinking constantly that something's going on that I don't know about.

I have comitted the cardinal sin of checking his messages and the rational part of me is glad to have found nothing, however the irrational side of me is thinking "hmm....has he deleted stuff?". I would like to clarify here and now that on a rational day, I do NOT think he is cheating. On an irrational day, I think in equal measures "he's cheating / flirting with someone else" and "you are being irrational".

It's my problem to work on.

After checking DHs phone, this morning, I also thought I would check his internet history. I was out last night and there are porn videos on his internet history for yesterday.

I'm not porn-averse, and genuinely don't think anything of him using porn to satisfy himself. There are a couple of feet fetish pages and a couple of 'big boobs and bums' too. Nothing shocking, though he's never seemed that fussed on my feet truth be told.

However, and this is where I actually feel a little bit sick and am shaking, there are also Tranny and Shemale pages.

Seriously feel ill.

I visited the site on my phone and to look at the Tranny / Shemal pages, you click on Fetishes and then click on that subcategory. There are a few pages in his history. Therefore I don't think e's looked at these by accident.

Fuckng hell.

DO straight men look at these things?

My heart is pounding.

I don't think it necessarily means anything - maybe just curious? It is something you should be able to raise with him and talk through.

(although not saying I agree with porn usage in general)

Two thoughts spring to mind:

1. Have you been reading the relationships threads too much? I find that if I do, then I start to question things that ordinarily I wouldn't, and where there is really no reason to. They are very sad threads, but they aren't representative of the majority of normal relationships, so it is easy to get things out of perspective.

1. Or, the polar opposite, you are suspicious for a reason. Any change in behaviour of your DH for example?

he's obviously not gay if he also looked at big breasts/bums, is he? the rest could be a laugh/curiousity.

I do usually stay off these boards as I do feel its all "leave the bastard".

Im glad you think it might just be curiosity. I think, I hooe this doesnt make me sound a bad person, I will keep a watch on sites visited over the next week and if they crop up again, speak to him.

No changes in his behaviour. we did have a wobble a few weeks ago when dd was waking every hour through the night and we were both so exhausted we were just constantly snapping. However both of us are more rested and happier and have been since (and before) then.

Maybe not gay but bi.

Sleep deprivation is a killer, I think just snapping at each other is pretty good going actually! Its also not great for rational thought... By all means keep an eye, as it might be something you need to talk to him about anyway, but do bear in mind that the early days with a baby are bloody hard, and you might need to treat each other kindly.

I'd attribute it to curiosity unless the same sites come up repeatedly over a period of time and he starts to look at the shemale type sites more than the female/straight porn.
My friend found her husband only ever looked at gay porn. No straight stuff at all. And over and over again. That's a red flag. Your sitch, how it is at the moment, is not. JMHO

I did the same as you while on maternity leave, waiting for DS to arrive. I think it's more boredom than anything else!
I found DP had been looking at bondage-type stuff, and it was one particular girl as well, which made me feel worse somehow.
Anyway I spoke to him about it and he reassured me that he was just looking out of morbid curiosity really, as he's interested in photography and the girl had just done a photo shoot with a famous photographer (he read it in the Guardian, nothing dodgy!)
I believe him, never found anything like that before or since.
I just think some people find it hard not to look. I'm a bit the same with horror movies so I do understand. Your DP was probably just having a mooch (while he had a mooch!)

I feel at bit sad at the thought of HAVING to check again in a few days time but know I coupdnt forgwt it and not check

Im really sorry to carry on but I just cannot settle.

DH is out all afternoon and evening and I'm just sat here mind buzzing. I KNOW it could be curiosity (fingers crossed) but when I think about it, this is the one and only time ive ever looked at his phone internet history and those sites were on there. Conicidence that I would look the one and only time he's looked at this sort of thing?

I've been googling (god help me) and there seems to be suck a mix of opinions and people even suggesting to others in the same situation that they should embrace their OHs fantasies and even some said buy a strap on. Others said it was just a case of 'regular' porn being too vanilla and so they move on to weirder stuff....well, where the bloody hell does that end?

Others say they have had experience of the looking and curiosity not being enough and so their OHs have cheated to actually try out these fantasies.

I don't think i'm going to be able to think about anything else for the whole evening.

Our laptop is always in the bedroom as we use it for a TV, but it's set (by me yonks ago when looking for birthday presents for DH) to wipe the history each time you close the IE window. So I don't think there's any way of searching the computer for anything more.

such not suck. What a time for spelling mistakes.

Perhaps this is a cockeyed view but just supposing... he looks at 'regular' porn but has no inclination to stray/have an affair etc. I would've thought that it's only a small step to go trawling the internet to see what other people get up to in their spare time? Curiosity rather than a desire to take part? Just something 'naughty' to do when he's bored. If it's eating you up I would mention it. Say the pc was running slowly so you thought you'd delete browsing history but thought you'd better make sure there was nothing that needed saving.

Nah, it was on his mobile phone.

If or when we discuss this, I will need to tell him that I searched his browser history on his phone.

He's probably on the blokes version of mumsnet, and someone posted the link.

I bet a lot of mners have a very dodgy internet history dragon butter, blue waffle, space docking

We had sex last night after I got home and he wanted to do it from behind.

I was happy with that and it was enjoyable but now i'm second guessing things.

I think you're giving this too much importance. If it comes as a surprise to you he obv doesn't behave in RL as if he's interested in stuff like that. Put it down to he was bored and curious. Don't tell him you looked -it will only end in a huge argument because he'll be humiliated. You shouldn't have seen it anyway. Just forget this and enjoy your baby and family.

You are right.

I shouldn't have looked, and how I feel is my fault for looking.

We've all done it! I mainly discovered that my dh has an incredibly boring job.

Quite honestly, I wouldn't think twice about 'regular' porn.

I wish I hadn't looked. I wish I didn't have to spend the next few days thinking "is he looking at it again?" and I didn't even check through previous days. Just yesterdays.

I hate that I have brought this on myself.

Some people have a simplistic view of life. why shouldn't you look at your partners phone? Really why not? Your gut tells you somethings not ok, gut feelings are usually right in my experience. Don't give yourself a hard time

I have a very simplistic view of life.

I seriously wouldn;t have thought that staright men would be interested or even curious about this sort of thing.

Can I ask, those who say he is probably just curious etc, genuinely, how would you feel if you learnt this about your OH?

I really wouldn't worry. I enjoy tranny porn and gay male porn sometimes and I'm a happily married woman.

It doesn't mean he's a gay man, any more than it means I'm a gay man. He might have been curious, he might have found it exciting, he might have thought "never again".

My DH knows about my somewhat "eclectic" tastes and isn't bothered. If we want to watch some porn (which both of us do occasionally) its something we do separately. I wouldn't look at his history, as we all need some fantasies just for us sometimes.

My DHs taste is quite vanilla but I wouldn't worry about what you've described. It doesn't sound excessive, habitual or obsessive, just maybe like he's got a bit of a kinky side.

I wouldnt even check again if i was you. Let it go and concentrate on enjoying your baby and your maternity leave. If its your first baby, perhaps you're struggling a bit with the transition from busy working life to being a mum? The change in role (even if you're loving it) could be de-stabilising you and making you feel a bit insecure, hence the sudden suspicions and worries about DH?

I'd he a member of a chat forum? I only say because on mnet we joke about what are search history must be an awful lot, perhaps he was following links?

You are coming up on the classic problem of starting to listen at keyholes and down that road you will not hear anything nice about yourself and end up paranoid about everything. You should never go snooping on anyone whether that is their email, mobile, sock drawer etc. etc.