Checked DHs Internet History

[PastaLadyHasNameChangedForThis]

I have name changed, am a very regular poster who is sat wondering what the actual fuck.

I am on Maternity Leave at the moment and all this time is playing havoc with my head. It's so unbeleiviably silly but i've gone form being so trusting and utter non-jealous of DH to thinking constantly that something's going on that I don't know about.

I have comitted the cardinal sin of checking his messages and the rational part of me is glad to have found nothing, however the irrational side of me is thinking "hmm....has he deleted stuff?". I would like to clarify here and now that on a rational day, I do NOT think he is cheating. On an irrational day, I think in equal measures "he's cheating / flirting with someone else" and "you are being irrational".

It's my problem to work on.

After checking DHs phone, this morning, I also thought I would check his internet history. I was out last night and there are porn videos on his internet history for yesterday.

I'm not porn-averse, and genuinely don't think anything of him using porn to satisfy himself. There are a couple of feet fetish pages and a couple of 'big boobs and bums' too. Nothing shocking, though he's never seemed that fussed on my feet truth be told.

However, and this is where I actually feel a little bit sick and am shaking, there are also Tranny and Shemale pages.

Seriously feel ill.

I visited the site on my phone and to look at the Tranny / Shemal pages, you click on Fetishes and then click on that subcategory. There are a few pages in his history. Therefore I don't think e's looked at these by accident.

Fuckng hell.

DO straight men look at these things?

My heart is pounding.

Haha....ill check for knives and forks under his pillow before I sleep.

I thought I was open minded. I think I'd rather the transexual porn than eating. Each to their own...

It's Sunday night - can you talk to him? He really is the only one who can answer your questions, no amount of speculation on here can help.

Don't worry about having looked at his history. I really think it's unhelpful for people here to be buying into the stereotype of an 'irrational female'. Mothers are far more rational, capable and have their wits about them than anyone else, a new one more than any other. If you are looking at his phone now it is much more likely that somewhere there has been something in your relationship to make you think something is up - I'm not suggesting it's anything massively up, just something is likely to be not quite right somewhere. Think hard about this, and what you know about your husband, and talk to him. I doubt sincerely that you are a crazed, jealous person. If he is a kind person who loves you he should be able to understand and accept what you've done and how you feel and you can discuss any trust issues together.

On a similar note, I'd be very surprised if this was a one off on his part - it is just possible it is, but much more likely, given that you've found another site, that he's got a longstanding Internet porn habit. As Madabouthotchoc says, this can often inspire fairly eclectic tastes - it's all there, on the same site, at the click of a buttotheir just have to click on a link. I'd say it's probably less about curiosity than something he does because he can and he chooses to, although I don't think it necessarily make him anything other than heterosexual, and if you've made a baby and sustained a relationship without hiccoughs to date, I'd hazard a guess it's less likely he's bi or gay or 'living a lie'.

In my own case I long suspected something was up, we just didn't have proper intimacy, sexual or otherwise. I discovered porn as you did, including bondage and gay. I already knew he had a few issues relating to sex but it wasn't until I found the porn that I really fully understood him or, for that matter, him me, and we found a way to start to build true intimacy. On the issue of his sexuality, again, notwithstanding what I said above, I think only you and he can reach any understanding of that.

Only you, together, can work out what you are both happy with in your relationship and where your boundaries are, but to have any kind of true and honest relationship you need to be discussing it together, you really should never feel alone in a good relationship, so don't start building a wall between you now by keeping quiet - that way your fears will never be addressed.

Having said I long suspected something was up though, I never had any evidence and didn't suspect what I found (I didn't go looking on purpose, found it as I was looking for a quick link to something entirely innocent I knew he had been looking at). It's just that things, in a very vague sense I couldn't pin down, not quite all I would have wished them to be. So I guess what I'm saying is you might not necessarily e conscious of having longstanding issues unless you think hard and carefully.

aGog1 - thank you for sharing your experience.

Maryz - randomly trawling the net yet thats his most visited page? Hmmm.

Look on it like this if you actually clicked on the links on the Daily Fail or other tabloids websites every day about stories that are towards the bottom of their pages you'd be on weird fetish sites every other day as you'd be trying to find out what the story was about.. In the same way that mumsnett threads promulgates more fetish and utter filth than you would ever come across in day to day life.

I really really really REALLY think sitting your dh down and talking to him about this is a bad idea. Not for the morality thing, but how well do you really think a conversation is going to go when
a) you're calling him on something extremely embarassing and making it into a big deal. He will come out fighting.
And b) one of the things he will come out fighting about is that you looked at his phone.
c) do you really want a conversation about it to bring you closer???? Will you sit next to each other and watch a person being dismembered and being eaten?
d) you will be giving it a lot of weight in your relationship. You will be labelling him and then what? Will he have to show his phone every night? Would you like that?

You are right, Look.

I only intend to speak to him if he seems to be acting differently (negatively) in our relationship.

I am curious as to how much porn he is looking at - could he be a bit obsessed?

I dont want to cause him any uneccessary embarassment and NO we will not be watching bodies being eaten together.

I would love to know if he's on the blokey equivalent of this site and angsting about the links he found on your phone.

I would have to have a little dig if it was me though. Next time you go out could you say something really pointed like 'db is much too young to look at.... can you keep the phone away from him/her?'

Im dull though - the links on my phone are MN, digital spy and daily fail. dull dulk dull.

Have you changed the deletion of history on the PC yet?

Sorry you've found this I hope you get it sorted? Bit concerned about the vore porn and that it's on most visited.

Yes, changed laptop settings.

Yes - the fact vore porn is on most.visited means its not just one click on it / curiosity surely?

I'd be very worried and sickened tbh.

Try to keep quiet for a few days if you can? Is he ever alone in the bedroom with the PC? Do you go out and leave him alone?

You have enough evidence to tackle him anyway. I wonder what his excuse can be for vore porn?

Bloke can be dicks though (sorry)...it could be one of his mates having sent him and his circle of friends a load of links in a "hey isn't this funny/mad" kind of way. If you DH kept all the joke/bloke emails to read at one sitting he may have ended up with a string of emails/links to look in one go...he maybe would continue to look depending on the thread of the email conversation IYSWIM... so he doesn't "miss out" on the "joke" down the pub/at work -hence the most visited element. My OH has a couple of friends who delight in sending dodgy links/emails. He tends to ignore them when he is busy and then find some time to go through them all at once. Dread to think what I would find if I checked OH emails after one of his catch up session. Try not to overanalyse. Clear history and just try to forget it. If something else comes up then maybe revisit your worries.

Pasta- TALK to your husband. What's the point of all the speculation? If he's a faithful nice husband, tell him you don't like his porn use and take it from there. Say you've found some weird stuff and ask him what's going on. The trouble is now, there's just so much weird stuff out there, it's quite tempting to look.

I would also be having a conversation about how women are used in porn such as this. We have daughters and I think my husband is a whole lot more sensitive now about understanding women don't grow up and dream of being in shitty porn films as a career, and so him enjoying their performance is at their expense as human beings. That makes him a whole lot choosier.

By the way, I have several friends who have discovered their husband's porn use and, without fail, it has involved something they found massively distasteful (lolita type stuff, or gay, or weird fetishes). There's a lot of it about and many people use it, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't question your husband about it and decide whether this is something you can tolerate.

I also believe in personal freedom though and I don't police my husband in relation to it, I really think it's up to you as an adult to self-police yourself and understand under what conditions most porn is produced.

When you say eating people do you mean eating flesh? I think that's not to be ignored although how the hell is that allowed?

At the moment if I speak to him he could say it was a one off / curiosity. (tranny/shemale)

I need to see how regular it is. I need to know if this is what he gets off on. If it is curiosity, I can get over that.

If its a problem / obsession then we will talk. I need more 'evidence'.

See, I totally disagree with those who say brush it under the carpet. I might not ask him about that particular type of porn, but I would have a direct discussion about porn in the marriage, even if it is just to decide everyone minds their own business. Otherwise it's all suspicion and distrust and I bet the OP thinks about this whilst doing the deed, I really would prefer to have that conversation than be imagining my husband is a secret tranny. And, whilst many people might just look out of curiosity, there may be something more to it, who knows?

Tbh it's not the tranny stuff that's so worrying, most I know are straight. It's the vore porn. I'm not googling it as dcs use this PC.

Curiousmama, that's another good reason to have the conversation, if not least because it's awful other people are being exposed to this if it's that easy to find on his phone. And, sure, many people who use trans sites may be straight, but not everyone, obviously, as there are plenty of TS/men who cross-dress out there.

That's why I'd have a conversation about it, to gauge the reaction, to take the temperature of if this is all a bit of curiousity or 'fun' or escapism or to see if there's something the husband might like to talk about.

I also think disgusting though this porn sounds, it's a bit like people watching videos of people being beheaded, there is a fascination with gore and violence (I don't have it myself, but millions do circulate that type of stuff all the time).

It's not about brushing it under the carpet it's about handling it sensibly and not making it into a huge deal and insurmountable. Pasta, you need to stop looking at your dh's phone - it's not helping you at all. Take it at face value that he has looked at stuff you don't like and mention it. It will pull him up short and make you feel better as it's obviously the direction you want to go in. But just get it over with. Don't spy on him.

It is going to break the trust we used to have, him knowing I have looked.

Hiw do I even start a conversation?

Just say I need to talk to you, sit down and tell him what you found.