Leave Me Alone you Monsters!!

[lovelymummy47]

Yes! I mean it, my H, Sil, Mil and Social Services. These four people have made my life a misery and I feel so hopeless and useless.

Please Be my guest and read about my misery, please don't be judge mental and abusive. I am a vulnerable being and at the moment I just need help and support rather than criticism.

I have a dd(7mnths) with my H, who since our baby was born has been emotionally, physically and mentally abusive :( He has a great life! No help with, baby neither house chores,plus going out when and wherever he wants! I am left at home with a baby, pnd and a huge house full of demons. More to it, he is a cheat, not once but several times with diff stupid OW. Stupid bastard!

Mil, has a phd in using emotional blackmail! Ever since me and her son moved in together, she always wanted to spend time with him and constantly calling him and compulsively lying how she needs him in her house????!!! Great hubby would abandon aLL our plans to attend to this monster no2. She even blackmailed my H to come to our honeymoon hotel?? Who does that in this universe?? I have kissed hubby(a goodbye kiss on the cheek) whilst mil was there ans she snapped and left the house claiming H is ignoring her? Are you nuts?? I kept this to myself and put up with it for soo long but seriously, MIL you need therapy, your relationship with H is very unhealthy.

Sil, she is 34yrs old, living with her mum, she can't cook, clean, or even dress well yet she has the guts to stalk me around the town to update her brother(H) about my every move! Now since H left a month ago, she claims she last saw me with a taxi driver?????? If I had a chance, I could penetrate my nails under your old wrinkled skin. I have and I am very faithful to my H, never ever have I thought of cheating on him cause I have always loved him. Her ex H ran away from this family, 6mnths after marrying her.(What a shame) and Yes, Monster no3 leave me alone!

Social S, got involved with my fam after I reported H (finally) after sooo many months of abuse. They are doing nothing to help me. The SW involved in my case, is siding with H and she has seen him several times at the office and outside the office??? H has convinced her that I am mentally ill, saying I sleep around (I told him I have been sexually assaulted in the past and showed him docs) How stupid was I talking to a bastard about my past without knowing he'd use that as a weapon? The SW has not made an effort to contact me whatsoever. So, I have no money, no food and sW is doing nothing to protect the child involved. I'm left to wonder what is the ss about? SW is not willing to help, your monster no4 and leave me alone too!!

I am left fighting for myself, seen a doc about my pnd and she prescribed anti-ds. I'm reluctant to take them as I've heard people get addicted to them and can't function without them in the future, therefore I requested councelling or some sort of therapy. Its been six months and she is not of help at all. What I'm I supposed to do now? How do I survive? How do I cope looking after the baby 24/7 and nobody seems to understand my situation? My world is crumbling and I don't know where to start, H demolished my self esteem and confidence. :( :( :( :( when I look at my baby everytime I burst into tears because I feel sorry for her. It wasn't her plan to come into this world but here she is, with a helpless hopeless mother. :( please, don't criticise me, I can't take anymore cricism. :( :(

First up, take the tablets. You will be able to come off them when you're ready - i have (it takes several years though!) They won't have you dancing joyously in the rain but they will make the world less bleak and hopeless.

Second, contact Women's Aid: google the number for your local area. They will be able to give you practical support.

Do you have any of your family you can go and stay with for a while?

I am a little confused reading your post. Has your H left you or are you together? If your H has left you (or you leave him) then you can see who you want it is none of his or anyone else business unless he he a danger to your child.

Keep a diary of everything that is happening. Talk to your GP and mid wife. Tell them about the lack of help and support from SW and see if there is anything they can do to help you. Tell them about the abuse from your H.

If any of them are harassing you go to the police.

Use all the services that are there to support you. Don't be scared to take the ADs your doctor would not have prescribed them if they didn't think they would help.

As hard as it may be if your H has left you I think you will be counting your blessings when you come through the other side.

You are not hopeless!! You have a beautiful baby who needs you. Get on the pills, they will help you to see the wood for the trees. They take a couple of weeks or so to kick in, but take baby steps and focus on the two of you.

I have seen plenty of advice on here for woman's aid, contact them they really helped me with coping strategies when I was in an abusive relationship. I came back stronger and independent. You can too!

Thank you all for advice, H left we are nolonger together but him and his family won't leave me alone in peace. H, texts abusive messages even if he is not here physically. I have told the doc and SW what he is doing to me evn though he is not here and no one is doing anything to stop him. The last time he demanded to come home and see the baby, he was very violent and started breaking picture frames on the walls and more. That's when I called the police and I reported he has even held a knife on me twice and threatened to get rid of me :( Why can any of these sevices that are meant to protect abuse victims no able to recognise that and act responsibly and asap?? I am left fighting this beast and I just can do it anymore. At night I can even sleep worrying that he might break in and attack me :( :( what do I do??

I texted him that I will be away this weekend at a friends house(didn't say exactly where for obvious reasons) and he straight away rang the ss reporting that I'm escaping with his child and they need ro stop me?? What another big lie. The sw bullied me with calls the entire day telling me I shouldn't dare go away, and that the father has equal right to say where his child should be. I told her I was not running away, I just needed a weekend break and I would be back on monday. She wouldn't le me. :( I'm just sick and tired of this world atm

can tyou be sure it was a sw and not a friend of h's? it isnt up to her if you go away for the weekend.

I would be very surprised if a SW can stop you going away for the weekend. Neither can your H.

Just pack your bag and go. Don't text him and let him know.

Report her bullying to her superior.

Report every single abusive text to the police.

Tell the police your fears and see if they can help with emergency alarms.

See if you can get some legal advise too with regards to your H & the SW.

Take the pills. They'll help, and if you take them as the gp directs you won't need to worry. Get your name down for counselling (is it down already?) as that will help you recover from the abuse you've suffered, and will be invaluable for the rest of your life; but in the meantime, do take the pills.

Keep copies of everything, do not touch that delete option. Then report to cops, to sw's boss, to gp, and show them everything. Keep a note of all that is said with dates. Write down all the things you remember from before now (some people use threads here to document things as well as to get support). Take photos of any damage he's inflicted.

Get a free half hour with a solicitor, you can get a non molestation order against him, and against his family (might be harassment?). See CAB. Phone Women's Aid and talk it through with them. Don't forget the CSA - even if there's no money at the moment that won't always be so.

Tell all of them everything, don't hold back.

And, for goodness' sake, have that w/e away. No one's got the right to stop you.

Oh, and when you talk to the police, ask for the specialist in Domestic Violence. They'll know where you're coming from.

This seems like a big mess right now but, reading your op, I think 50% can be disregarded when you learn to mentally distance yourself from this revolting family. The sister, for instance, could be just ignored if you were feeling a bit stronger in yourself.

Go to your friend,s house and relax a bit - get her to help you make lists of people you need to call, things you need to do and google all the phone numbers etc. so you can blitz through some calls and applications on Monday morning. This will take a lot of strength on your part but I bet you can do it - use that anger!

This social worker phone call thing sounds fishy, I bet its jot goiust someone your H has roped in. Have you actually met her? A lot of stuff thats scaring you is just what him and his family are saying and probably doesnt represent the truth.

I´m not going to comment on the anti-d's thing because I only have personal experience to go on.

Good luck - better times are coming, honestly :)

i bet its just... sorry...typing

I'm on anti D's and the doctor thInks for three months to start with. I've had no side effects and started to feel normal again within a couple of weeks, so please take them.

Please ring Woman's Aid for help and advice. Ring social services to confirm the call you received is genuine..

Don't delete those abusive texts! I don't know if police will do anything or if you can get solicitor to apply for injunction? But get solicitor and get texts logged. Or at least free appointment.

SW cannot stop you going away for weekend in UK! This sounds like a fraud! You need to report it to SS Chief Exce if ex is seeing SW out of hours as breech of professional conduct if they 'doing buisness' whilst a client!

Find your nearest Children's Centre (I'm hoping you've got one locally) and go there tomorrow for support. They usually have outreach workers that can support you and will be able to put you in touch with your local domestic abuse service. I am most confused by your social worker's behaviour. You need to get some RL support so she can be challenged.

Yes , I second the children's centre, they are brilliant support especially to people who really need them

Don't forget the Samaritans if you urgently need to talk things through :)

Firstly - these people can not make you do anything you don't want them to. These threats are just that - threats - from people who are pathetic and are determined to make your life a misery. But you can take that control back . Take the advice of these posters - please call Womens Aid - if you don't get through first time, keep trying. These people will help you , not only with the advice of your evil family members, but where the SW is concerned. Take neuroticmumof3 advice - look up the information of a children's contact centre.

Regarding the texts, keep them but don't respond. Don't let him into the house, change the locks. Gather important documents, yours and your daughters passport, bank information and keep it safe. Your right - he is not going to be a nice ex - but you don't need to suffer in this way. Please follow some of this advice from all the lovely posters.......... the SW may be making you feel like its the end of the world but it really is not....and the best way of dealing with it is by getting the support. Good luck

You would benefit from a professional person fighting your corner; please please get in touch with Women's Aid (a referral should have been made after the police incident?). Also, speak to a solicitor that specialises in family law, they tend to have a lot of leverage with SS and will be able to get some clarity for you. They are also good at ushering services, ie pushing SW to get supervised contact, support for you etc etc.

I'm going against the grain here; if SS have asked you not to visit your friend this weekend there must be a reason for this. This could be a number of things; safeguarding checks haven't been done if you are under child protection, or they think you might flee the area (which your H is leading them to believe), did you offer them the name and address of your friend? Depending on your level of involvement with SS, they could take quite drastic steps if you do go anyway, I would advise you to be weary of this, even if it feels unfair.

Do you have any support from your family or friends?

Your ex is abusive, don't have any contact with him: try and get a non molestation order, and abide by it. It sounds like he should be having supervised contact.

Oh and also, I wouldn't read too much into when/ where your SW is seeing your ex. SW's work out of hours all the time, and regularly see people in their homes, public places, it doesn't mean anything untoward is happening.

Good luck

Thank you all for the immense support and advice. Have been crying myself out all evening feeling hopeless and isolated.
My HV came to see me and baby at home and she was really helpful, I explained to her the whole thing with SW and she couldn't believe that SW was taking sides contrary to what her job entails(the baby is the priority, not me or H) So, she rang her whilst I was there sobbing and she almost had an argument with the SW. HV insisted that SW had to take necessary steps to help me as that's her job not sitting at the office and inviting my H to see her. HV demanded she come home to see me tomorrow and discuss the way forward. So, she'll be here at 10am in the morning, though she did mention she is not promising to turn up. :( I don't have any confidence in her at all, I think she'll probably pass any discussed info to my H as she calls him constantly. I don't know if being too paranoid or its my trust that's been absolutely knocked over that I can't even trust the people who are to help me and dd.

About Anti-d's, I'll give it a try and I pray that I'll not be addicted to them. Right now I feel so shit, I can't sleep as I'm still worrying that H might break in to the house :( :( I can't help feeling too weak and helpless. Hope someone is up and I can talk to them. :(

Can someone be with you while you see the SW? I think it wouldn't be a bad idea to have a witness, or at least someone to hold your hand and support you.

Jux that is a brilliant idea, I hadn't thought about it and I reckon having a friend around who I can trust will stop the SW from forcing me or making me feel bullied. I will try a rl friend and see if she can make it.

Atm, still wide awake, H abusive words and threats haunting me so badly. I am worried and in a panic mood right now. I really hope tomorrows meeting with SW will be productive. How do other mums cope in such a situation? I'm I the most weak person in the world? Poor me, H has totally ruined me and made me feel absolutely worthless.

Please, I don't want you all to run away, i need some encouragement every now and then and I hope you won't tire to support me with advice and some emotional support :(

It sounds like you are really unclear about what the sw is doing and why. That shouldn't be the case, you should have been given information about what she is doing and the timescales around this. If she is in he process if doing an assessment it would be normal her to meet with yourself and your child's dad so if this is the case try not to assume the worst about her meeting with him. If an assessment has already been completed you should have a copy of this and there should be a plan you are all working to, again you should have a copy of this.
I don't want to ask too much about the level of sw involvement as you should be careful about putting this info on here but if I give you some info about types of sw involvement that might help you to get some clarity from your meeting with her. If your child is subject to a child protection plan then she should be visiting your child at least ever 4 weeks and there should be a meeting with you and all the professionals involved attending ever 4 weeks. You should have a copy of the CP plan and the meetings are to give everyone involved updates on the progress of the plan. If your child is subject to a CP plan you do need to let the social worker know if you are taking your child out of the area and she'll need details of where you are going. This is government policy not her being nosy or controlling, although it might feel like it!
If your child is considered a "child in need" then this is a level below child protection and it can sometimes be less clear what the plan is because the government doesn't give a structure for how often visits or meeting should happen. You should still know what is happening and why and if you don't feel the sw is providing that info you need to ask again (if possible with support of a friend or your HV) if you still feel you are not getting the info you need ring and ask to speak to her manager. Be calm and explain that you don't feel you are getting the support ir information you need. They should be able to help you. There will also be a complaints procedure if you still feel you aren't getting anywhere.
I think taking the antidepressants is a good idea. They will help stabilise you mood so that you are better able to manage a very difficult situation. I understand not wanting to be in them forever but sometimes they are needed in rhe short term to help you to be able to make changes to make things better in the long term.
In your OP you sound very stressed and angry but even with the bit of support you have had on here you sound calmer and more focused. It sounds like you would really benefit from more real life support. Your HV sounds supportive, why don't you ask her if she could visit regularly for a period of time to provide you some additional support. I would second the recommendation to go to your local children's centre. They should be able to offer support as well.
Good luck with the meeting with the sw.

Sweetheart, please please get yourself to you doctors urgently and ask for anti-d's. They will at least help clear the mist that is hiding your way forward and you can take care of yourself and your baby. They are not addictive and you will only be given the lowest dose possible.

Next, give Womens Aid a call, you need someone to guide you through what is happening now, and help you make decisions for yourself and your baby. You sound as if you are on your own, and it shouldn't have to be that way.

Do not believe what your dh says about tge sw, about what she has said or tgat she has called him. Can't tge hv be there today?