I'm just about to send a message to OW. Someone talk me down please. :(

[BornToFolk]

Brief synopsis of my life - discovered exP was having an affair about a month ago, with a married family friend. He left. I left the door of reconciliation open but he decided we had no future. I then found out he was still seeing OW, and also that she'd been diagnosed with cancer.

I just did something silly. I looked her up on Facebook and read her status that said she'd just had a 9 hour operation. Exp left a comment saying she's the bravest person he knows and she'll be fine. And she's a superstar.

I am just about to message her calling her every name under the sun. I am so so so angry with her. She slept with my partner in my bed. She has hurt me and my son so much and she gets all the sympathy, not to mention the support of the man who is supposed to support me.

It's so unfair and I hurt so much and I just want to hurt her as well. I know that makes me a horrible person. I know she's just been through an operation for a life threatening illness but I still want to hurt her. I want to hurt exP too but my relationship with him is much more complicated. He's still the father of my son. I do blame them both, I am honestly not pinning all the blame on her.

I have done nothing but behave well through this whole thing. I even said that exP could drop DS back early from his overnight visit and now I can see that's because exP is going to go and see her. I am sick and tired of being the responsible grown up selfless one. Sick of it.

Youshould be more angry with your ex partner, don't put all blame on OW.

Oh sweetheart. It's gets lonely up on the moral high ground sometimes, doesn't it.

Post here! Always post here first.

Oh and tell your exDP that he cannot drop DS off early in future to see friends, because DS's life has been traumatically changed my his actions and he needs to see his dad as someone reliable.

And stop looking at her FB page - I know how tempting it must be, but you are twisting the knife. Put yourself first. You are more important than she is.

FUCK! It said something like "It's not that complicated is it? You are a home wrecking little whore. I hope you are very proud of yourself"
The reference to it not being complicated is because her relationship status is "It's complicated".

Fuck. Do I send another message apologising? Say something to exP? Or just leave it?

Ach, OP, honestly, that's not that bad. Not ideal, but not the end of the world either.

I agree that you should save your ire for your ex. He's the one that was the real cunt to you.

Leave it. Please just leave it. Say nothing else.

I think that was fair enough actually. Don't apologise, just block her. Then she can't message you. She may well have blocked you anyway after that.

Oh, and Folk, just want to give you an enormous virtual hug. It must be so bloody hard to feel so much hatred for someone and not really be able to vent it because of her illness. Vent on here as much as you like.

For the record, I wasn't 'piling in' with guiltypleasures. It's a fast moving thread and I think there were a number of people posting the same thing at pretty much the same time. That's what comes when you post something that is very distasteful to the majority of people.

PS - an ADULT having "it's complicated" as a status is WEIRD.

I think after you have sent it its like an email. You can delete your own but not the other persons.

Just leave it. One thing...at least she'll block you, so you can't torture yourself over her fb anymore. Every cloud and that.

Leave it, Could have been a lot worse.

If that got sent it's hardly the end of the world is it? But step away from the Facebook now. Leave it.

Just leave it, to be honest I thought you were going to make reference to her operation. Being ill doesn't negate what she has been part of and a flippant relationship status change is hurtful. If nothing else it will alert her to the fact you can see her page and hopefully she will change that.

Actually Born I think that is fine. You have made no reference to her illness or anything. At the end of the day you are hurting due to the selfish actions of your H and her amd snappped a little.

She can't actually argue that she isn't a home wrecking little whore can she.

Do try and reserve you anger for the cheating wanker of a H who really betrayed you though.

I wouldn't apologise.

See, loads of x posts. Must learn to type faster.

It's fine what you sent, not ideal, but not the end of the world. And I don't think anyone would crucify you for it. Definitely block ex and the ow on FB though. Temptation could come knocking when you least expect it.

I agree, it's really not that bad. Timing could have been better but I would leave it.

Do not apologise. Nothing to apologise for.

Are you the poster who had to pick up your DC from nursery and went home to find your P there and her skulking down the stairs?

Leave it. It is true, whether she is ill or well. But don't engage again and try to focus your feelings on your Ex as the real hurt is from him.

OK, phew, I'm glad you all think it's not that bad! For the record, I would not say anything about her illness or operation. I honestly do hope that she recovers soon. I am sorry that she's ill.

Still hate the bitch though.

Bornto - it's fine, relax. You made a mistake, we all make mistakes. And you are especially allowed the odd mistake, because you have been under so much pressure and heartache. And it's not like you slept with a friend's husband or anything, is it?

Block her, walk away, don't go back to her FB page. Go on holiday - start looking to the future.

I know it's hard to believe, but this time next year, you might even be thanking her for taking a feckless, lying man off your hands

See I thought you were planning to mention her illness. I must be really nasty because I would have wanted to. I know it would be wrong but I would have wanted to.

For the record, I wouldnt have posted the comment if I wasnt prepared to handle or accept any flack, hence the apology at the start.

But I do accept that it seems I have hit a raw nerve for some on here with that comment, and for that I genuinly apologise

Folk my karma comment was meant to give some private comfort because of your situation and not being able to vent to her, it might have been on reflection not the best way to try and covey this to you. Right now you probably feel hogtied because argument for now has been stifled, and his attention is now on her rather than completely on ds, it sucks and hurts.
Go on your hols and try and relax and re coup with your mum and boy

apolgies once again Guilty

Hi Born. I totally understand the urge to retaliate but it won't hurt her in any way like you have been hurt. There is nothing you can do to make them feel like you do now. Even if you could you will not be the person you want to look back on and will quickly know you've only given yourself more stuff to come to terms with. Hope you have a peaceful relaxing holiday

don't post any more. Don't respond if she replies. In fact, delete her and block her from your contacts (you can block even if she isn't a 'friend' on your list) and resolve not to get drawn into anything again.

It doesn't really matter what you sent, or what she thinks of it - you may wish you hadn't sent it, but at the end of the day it's not the worst thing in the world to let her know you are hurting. And being ill doesn't give her a get out of jail free card for ignoring that her actions have consequences! What matters now is that you completely disengage.

My solicitor advised me to see the OW in my H's life as a 'complete non-entity' to me. She doesn't deserve one single scrap of my energy or time. I think the sooner I can enact this in my own life the better - it just isn't worth it, and FWIW I always find that when I've acted on resentments in the past I've ended up feeling guilty and ashamed of myself. Whereas the person I've lashed out at has pretty much not given a monkeys fart!

Keep telling yourself this: resentment is like taking poison and expecting someone else to die. They won't, you will. So as much as it kills me to say it, the best thing you can do for yourself and your DS is let go... shoulders back, head high. Not a single iota of energy is going to be wasted on them from your side any more!!

But, don't beat yourself up about sending something in the first place. You're not a bad person and it's certainly not the worst kind of behaviour that's been going on in this situation. If she can fuck him in your house she can handle a message on FB, cancer or no cancer. She's ill, not tinkerbell. You can't snuff her out with an insult :) The sad fact is that in reality, she's probably got so much going on in her life that what you do or don't say will likely be water off a ducks back. The only person who will really be haunted by what you do, is you. So don't do anything else other than enjoy your lovely DS and your well deserved holiday xx

JustFabulous, yeah that's me! One way to get a reputation on MN, I suppose.

I'm supposed to have a conversation with exP later (we are having weekly phone chats about DS). I'm going to have to mention it aren't I? I can't just go off on holiday having said nothing. I'm not going to apologise, just say that I was having a bad time and snapped. And that it won't happen again.