I'm just going to write this down

[uselesslife]

he's not very good with DS, he's getting better, but doesn't do much in the way of actual "care"

he's very impatient
he's very short tempered

he does not make me feel loved
he does not make me feel special
he makes me feel useless a lot of the time
i never feel he is actually interested when I tell him a story
he talks about nothing but work
he never actually does anything for me, we have nice holidays and go to nice restaurants, but he never actually does anything to make my life easier.

he thinks its ok to wake me up at 1am to tell me he has a really snotty nose
he thinks its ok to wake me up at 5am to ask me where his jeans/boots are

he sends me texts like "out with work tonight"

I know he will avoid emptying the bin, unloading the dishwasher. to my knowledge he has never ever emptied the dishwasher in the 5 years in this house. he was most put out when I told him recently to put his dishes in the dishwasher, not on top of it

He never does any cleaning, tidying, nothing

He expects to find his stuff where he left it. e.g the clothes that he left in a pile in the middle of the room, the letters that he leaves in the middle of the kitchen worktop. So I should actually work, cook, live around his mess.

he moans and moans to me about how much pain he is in, but hasn't taken any painkillers(toothache, cold etc)

if I start to discuss anything important, ie finances, he just says he can't deal with it. Hence he ows 1000's to the taxman

In his defence, re the stuff at home, he works long hours, is stressed and has to catch up with a lot of sleep at the weekend

will be back with more

Crikey, he sounds like a barrel of laughs.

Other than money, does he add anything to your life?

I'm trying to think of something
That "10 things you love about your husband" has made me think, that I don't even like anything, let alone love

OMG do we live with the same child man?

Has to catch up with a lot of sleep at the weekend?... yup I had one of those. Barrel of laughs that, getting up early with the kids, whilst the other adult lies in bed lazing around and you feel lonely.

I think we can make it work, what d'ya think?

If you think your life would be better/easier without him in the house (which it certainly sounds like it would be) start to research getting rid. Who owns the house? Do you have a job? What benefits would you get as a single parent? Bear in mind that this man would still have to contribute financially towards the raising of his DC if you end the relationship, but you will no longer have to pick up after him. Nor will you have to be disturbed by him waking you unnecessarily, insulting you or criticizing you. Work out the practicalities, see if you feel life would be sustainable, then decide if you want to give him one more chance to improve. If you do, tell him clearly what you want from him (more domestic work, to treat you with respect and courtesy etc) and ask him what he would like from you: set it out as a problem in the marriage that you both want to solve.
However, if you feel his response will be to get angry and say that the problems lie with you, and if you also feel that nothing he could do would make you feel love for him again, get your plans to leave/evict him from the house into place and then do it. You don't need his permission to end the relationship. It's OK to get rid of a man who is treating you like a cross between a servant and a pet he isn't much bothered about any more.

He sounds utterly selfish, boring and as though he cares about nothing but himself.

I really think you would be a hell of a lot happier if a) he had a brain and attitude transplant or b) you lived apart from him.

How do you think you can make it work?

What does he do to make it work?

What can you do to make your life better?

Write a list.
What is achievable?
What must be discarded/left behind in order to achieve a better life for yourself?
What will be the first step towards the rest of your life?

Think about what a better life would look like and ask yourself if that is ever likely to come about with this man at your side.

When you mentioned the snotty nose I looked back to check if this was a tongue in cheek post, a cute one about a two year old..

"think we could make it work "

I hope that is a joke to yourself.

Well when the taxman catches up with him and sends him to prison for tax evasion he'll have to buck his ideas up. No-one's going to baby him in prison.

yes, it was a joke!!

there's not much that can be done
we've been trying for years, well, I've been trying for years.
He just pays it lip service and does whatever he wants
I think he thinks that if he tells me he loves me enough, it will be ok

he has no idea how to have a relationship, with anyone

the taxman has caught up with him, hence they are taking a hefty chunk out of his monthly pay. but he can't even make the phone call, to see exactly what their plan is, ie. how much and for how long

OP, my partner is the same in many ways. I do love him, he makes me laugh etc. but the mess, the just not caring, everything being done his way - I can't take it any more.

I reckon we're going to split up.

i give up
i cannot sort his problems out
i have been there for him, supported him, listened, advised, and been shouted at, been snapped at as thanks

fuck him

Good for you. Now let's make a plan. Start with:

Do you work?

How old are your children?

Can the house be sold?

no, but I have a major interview on Tuesday

1 child, going to start school in Sept

the house can be sold, but I'd rather keep it

My very good friend has been married to an enormous fool that sounds like yours. One day he will wake up in the middle of a pile of his own shit and for the first time in many years, no one else will be waiting to clear it up for him. I wonder just what a land he will get, the impact will be visible from space no doubt.
I wonder how you get to live life through someone else? How does that happen?

OK. Now do you have local support from family and friends?

wonderful family, but not local

few localish friends

In common with math I also double checked to see if yours was a spoof post to which the response would be 'put him in an orphange' as variation on 'leave the bastard'.

As he's been exceptionally trying for years, the question has to be why have you been trying to ignore the writing on the wall.

This man won't change. Imagine life with him when he's retired. Does it fill you with joy?

Isn't it about time you got this useless tosser out of your life?

there's always been some excuse, stressed, sick, sick mum
it's always been, it'll be ok when we can relax on holiday, it'll be ok when we get the car loan paid off, or whatever
he is not in a good place. Tired, sick, run down, stressed, maybe depressed.
he is worried about his mum
I always thought I should try and help him, and fix it.
It's only recently that I've started to think, hang on a minute, wtaf am I getting out of this, apart from a load of grief

he stormed out this morning at 5am(after waking me to ask where his clothes were)
His jeans were exactly were I said they were, as were his boots. because he
didn't look properly couldn't find them he had to change his outfit.
Now is that my fault? Apparently it is, because I didn't leave the jeans on the chair in the kitchen where he left them last Saturday!
Why can't he give 1 minutes thought to what he is going to wear the next day

He was stressed because he had an important HR issue to deal with today, but lets not forget the "out with work" text last night and how the alcohol contributes to his bad mood

Useless.. I have a thread somewhere on here too, same kind of selfish, entitled man..and mentally, emotionally, i'm where you're at..no advice really other than mn is a sanity saver.. ((hug))