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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I think my marriage might be over :((

92 replies

ohpleasehelpme · 25/06/2012 10:55

Desperatye advice needed. Name changed as regular poster and so embaressed - I only got married last summer.

DH was unemployed for 2 1/2 years. I supported him - both emotionally and financially. In that time we had DS2 (now 2)

I was made reduntant 3 months ago - and admittedly I have been a bit mopey/depressed. I have been doing temp work though - taking everything that I can.

I'm not the best at housekeeping which I freely admit. But I do all of the household paperwork, cook every night, do all the laundry.

In the last few weeks DH has taken to calling me lazy and useless. It starts off as a 'joke' - but he says it to other people as well.

This morning we had a row and he told me I was lazy and useless again. When I argued back with him he called me a cunt. He never lets me have a conversation with him - he locked himself in the bathroom. I stormed out to go to work (temp job) and shouted at him and banged on the bathroom window as I went past. The window broke so I ran to my car and tried to lock the doors. He came flying out and pulled my car door open and hit me round the head several times. When I turned to face him he punched me in the face.

I went back into the house to try to speak to him and he just screamed abuse at me - about the window, and telling me that I don't do anything for him.

I don't know what to do.. Was it my fault for breaking the window? I have 2 DCs. DS1 - 12 (not his) and DS2 - 2.

He's gone to work now and I've come back home. Is this it for us??? I love him so much but am so sad at what he really thinks of me. It all comes out when he gets cross.

Sorry for long post and than you for reading

xx

OP posts:
hillyhilly · 25/06/2012 10:56

I think that's it. I also think you both need to deal with anger issues, for the sake of your children

joblot · 25/06/2012 11:00

I'd suggest ringing women's aid asap- he hit you, the window is irrelevant. I'm sorry this had happened, sounds awful for you

Whizkidwithacrazystreak · 25/06/2012 11:00

Oh my, you poor thing. This is not your fault. Yes, things got heated, but you must be terrified. No excused for this wicked, violent behaviour.

I am like you in that I'm a crap housewife, but do all the other chores. Its a joint effort IMO.

He should never hit you. I had an incident this weekend and actually called the police and I think you should to. Report it for your own safety down the road.

Stay safe and keep your boys safe.

Original poster
ohpleasehelpme · 25/06/2012 11:01

Cheers for that hilly. I only have anger 'issues' when someone is constantly putting me down Hmm

OP posts:
Aussiebean · 25/06/2012 11:02

You need to call the police ASAP. There is no excuse to hit someone. First you next your children.

Get him out of the house and protect yourself and you children.

Inadeeptrance · 25/06/2012 11:03

Oh my god, you poor thing. NO of course it wasn't your fault! Your husband is abusing you, and you have been assaulted, please please call the police now and tell them. Call women's aid too 0808 2000 247.

It is NEVER acceptable to verbally abuse you. You are right, sadly your marriage is over. I really hope, for your sake. You have not been married long, it WILL get worse if you stay. You cannot change him, walk away now while you still can.

Original poster
ohpleasehelpme · 25/06/2012 11:03

Thank you job and Whiz. I just needed to know that I'm not going mad and it's not my fault.

Am looking at the Refuge website. I can't believe it's come to this. What about the practicalities?? DS1 is at a good grammar school in our local town. DS2 goes to nursery in the next village. I have 3 bloody dogs!

OP posts:
PreciousPuddleduck · 25/06/2012 11:11

Have you tried sitting down and talking about things to flush out your underlying frustrations & issues. You have both had a stressful few years... Physical violence is always wrong though..... Big hug

AnyFucker · 25/06/2012 11:12

Yes, I am so sorry but your marriage is over

There is no going back from this, is there ?

Gather your RL help and find a way to get him away from you. He can just leave, right ?

Call the police and report his assault on you.

DamselInTornDress · 25/06/2012 11:22

Call the police. He doesn't love or respect you. He wouldn't beat you round the head or in the face if he did. He wouldn't beat you at all, never mind call you a cunt.

Your marriage is over. If you make up with him you know it will happen again.

Take the good advice given here. Get help. Get out. You are worth more than that regardless of how much your life situations have dragged you down.

IawnCont · 25/06/2012 11:28

:( What an arsehole. Hope you're okay.
I agree with Hilly. I think you both need anger management. What he did is far far worse than what you did. But when someone locks themselves away from an argument, and then the other person yells and bangs and bangs the window until it smashes, that is not acceptable either.
That does not excuse what he did at all.

akaemmafrost · 25/06/2012 11:32

Call the police, make a complaint, press charges.

He will be removed from the home and you will not have to leave.

This is almost exactly what happened to me.

Informing the police is crucial though because he assaulted you and because it will enable to get him and keep him out of the family home.

Original poster
ohpleasehelpme · 25/06/2012 11:32

So it is my fault then????

OP posts:
akaemmafrost · 25/06/2012 11:32

NO! it's NOT your fault!

expatinscotland · 25/06/2012 11:34

Call the police and make a complaint now!

DamselInTornDress · 25/06/2012 11:35

No it is not your fault. You over reacted and broke the window, which is why you are being advised to get anger management. He however beat you! There is never ever reason enough to beat someone. He is abusive while you are angry and destructive. Neither of you are angels. But no, it is not your fault he beat you.

IawnCont · 25/06/2012 11:36

No, it's not your fault. No-one is saying that. What he did was unforgivable

AnyFucker · 25/06/2012 11:36

No, it's not your fault

Could the people who can't resist saying "you did it too" just shut up for a while please ?

This lady needs to leave her relationship for several reasons. The pressing one at the moment is that her partner has assaulted her. Many women blame themselves when that happens. Don't contribute to that, please, she will get enough pressure to "just give him another chance", fgs.

IawnCont · 25/06/2012 11:38

No one is saying that what she did was anywhere near as bad as what he did. I think she should leave him straight away.

FoofyShmooffer · 25/06/2012 11:40

Going off your OP this behaviour appears to have escalated rapidly in a short space of time. I agree with the PPs. Call the police and find a way to get him or yourselves out. Easier said than done, I realise but quite necessary.

No. It's not your fault.

NigellaLawless · 25/06/2012 11:41

No one is suggesting that it is your fault!

The situation was out of hand but him hitting you was inexcusable.

if I were you I would report this to police immediately because the last thing you need is him reporting it with his own spin on it.

The police should be able make Jim leave the property if he tries to return.

I know you love him nd don't want it to end but think about it in terms of your children... what happens when he does this to you in front of them?

I'm so sorry this has happened to you

NigellaLawless · 25/06/2012 11:42

Him not Jim!

ohchristFENTON · 25/06/2012 11:43

You say It all comes out when he gets cross - has he ever done anything like this before or has it only been verbal until now?

You are questioning whether you are to blame, - no of course not, you reacted to being called a cunt, you didn't ask to be beaten. By your actions - running to the car to lock yourself in - it sounds as though you anticipated violence from him?

What lead up to this we don't know but it is over now, and you have to report it.

PorkyandBess · 25/06/2012 11:45

He sounded awful before we even got to the violent bit.

Yes, OP, get away from him.

mygladhart · 25/06/2012 11:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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