cant do it anymore he is a vile bastard how do i get out?

[yummytummy]

am shaking and crying just had an awful fight. had gone to a funfair today and when i came out of portaloos family had moved away spent frantic few mins looking found them eventually. then tried to make a joke to husband but still showing my point that " oh i see u did a david cameron on me ha ha" then the abuse i got was phenomenal, you stupid woman we were just there use your eyes etc etc. i said alright calm down then shut up you're useless always moaning and whining etc etc.

tried to approach him later at home saying calm down etc etc then i just got more abuse i'm crap it was a mistake to marry me you are so stupid that you cant even get a job you're a waste of my food money (have been job hunting and have hated being out of work and he knows that) more and more, i said dont talk to me like that then the usual you shouldnt make me angry.

have had enough of this all the time. he will never apologise will just not talk for 3 days then suddenly act normal no remorse or anything and i have had enough of feeling like shit all the time

but dont know how to get out have no job house in his name kids v small. dont want to go in a refuge just know cant live like this

is this bad enough to leave or am i being oversensitive like he says and i shouldnt have wound him up?

so confused and just cant stop crying

yummytummy....you know this is emotional abuse. Please see all the links on the Emotional Abuse thread 9, it will be hard to read but you'll know you aren't going mad.

Please look after yourself, we're all here for you.

Is he there? Are you in immediete danger? Is there anyone you can go to?

not in danger he has locked himself in the lounge with "his" laptop

kids asleep dont want to move them. nursery tomorrow and ironically i have a day at work.

am just so upset want to stop crying and not let him get to me but it hurts so much

If you're married with dc, honey, it doesn't mean diddly squat that the house is in his name.

Visit www.womensaid.org.uk and give your local branch a call tomorrow.

The fact that you're economically dependent on him is no reason to put up with shit from this twunt and you will be far better off physically, emotionally, and financially once you've pulled the plug on him.

It's okay to cry, that's the normal response. Chances are you've been trying to hold it together too long and not let it bother you - you need it to bother you and you need to get him out of your life. You are none of the things he says. Please keep reading on here; lots of posters have been through similar. It really does sound like classic abuse. I'm sorry.

Hello love

No advice as such but just wanted you to know that your post made me feel very sorry for you and sad you are being treated like that. Especially the bit about you being out of work. I am out of work at the moment. Tis horrible.

Just keep on reading. Very soon they will be wise, regular posters along to give you advice xx

Honestly a refuge where you and your dc are valued is better than staying there.

thanks for kind words. just have spent so long listening to this crap have started to believe it. have hardly any self worth. plus hate not having a job and he knows i am so upset about that and has used the thing that hurts most against me. what kind of sick evil bastard does that?

The kind you're married too, honey.

That's what emotionally abusive people do yummy. They find your achilles heel and use it against you. It's part of Keeping You in Your Place.

Mine likes to tell me I'm ugly, yet wants to have sex with me. I obviously repell him.

Now you've woken up, you can start rebuilding. It might be a long road ahead - wanting to get out, maintaining that mindset and building your self worth.

married to! But the good news is you don't have to stay married to the twunt.

Aww the same kind of sick evil bastard I married, but mine was much more subtle... So, you have arrived at your crossroads many years earlier than I did! That is a good thing! It really is.

Keep posting. You are taking the first steps to getting out of a very bad situation. You will get so much practical help here and understanding.

i know its not right but knowing that and then taking steps to remove myself and kids is a huge leap away. also i know nothing about this but would i "get" the kids? i am sahm at the mo and do most of childcare but am sure he would fight me for them and will almost definitely say i am an unfit mother mentally unstable etc etc.

It is a huge leap away, and that's fine. This can be overnight, or slowly slowly catchy monkey. That's fine. You've acknowledge the problem - a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.

The courts will have seen this type many times. He might try and drag your name through mud, but I'm sure he won't get far. I say this as someone brought up by a single father - the mother usually gets the kids.

Again, this is part of emotional abuse, telling you that you are unfit as a parent. That's abusive.

Please look into the Freedom programme. It will be like a bingo card.

i looked at the freedom programme but i think the website was faulty as couldnt find any local info. also this is very pathetic but please can someone tell me i am not as crap, fat useless etc as he says i am. just keep hearing those bad words going around in my head and feel so destroyed. it would help so much if just one person could say i was worth something.

yummytummy you are very much likely to get the children as you are a SAHM. The courts will go with the status quo. Him saying you are a bad mother means diddly squat. If you are such a bad mother why is he not taking steps to stop you doing full time childcare?

He is an abusive arse. They have a script. One of their lines is that they will take your kids off you. It is a ploy to keep you trapped. Rarely happens that they even contest. With a bit of luck he will bugger off and not have anything to do with your children (or you).

You are a mummy. You look after your babies and you love them, and they love you. You wanted to take them to a funfair so they had a nice day out.
You are trying to find a job so you can support yourself and your family.
You have a marvellous body, which is more amazing than you will ever realise, and it made your babies.
You are worth more than this. I bet there's loads of things you are good at and you are lovelier than you know.

Ofcourse you are worth it.

It is really hard finding a job and I've been there looking.

You are on the right path now.

You don't want your kids to grow up and see how he treats you.

Reclaim your life - it will be tough but oh so worth it.

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/mrgoodbad.php

Ring any bells?

Yes, you are worth something. You are worth just as much as me, just as much as anyone.

You are worth enough to get yourself out of that situation so you and the kids have a chance to be happy.

Listen to the experts on here, they know how to get out.

Lovely post AnastasiaSteele

You aren't crap. You look after your beautiful children and you cope with him everyday. That is more than most do and certainly more than he does. You are strong and you will get through this.

abigailadams, gd point re not stopping me doing childcare. really hope he does fuck the fuck off but knowing how pure evil he is will not go easily. it will get even more messy and i dont want kids to get messed up by it. i know they are messed up in this environment too though.

dont know why the fuck he is still around if thats how little he thinks of me but i really cannot spend rest of my life like this.

Keep your use of the Internet secret please - and look after yourself.

This book helped me, and you can get it for Kindle if you have one

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/book.php

You can do the Freedom Programme online here www.onespace.org.uk/elearning/courses/freedom-programme and your local Women's Aid branch whether it's being run near you.

Also buy the book 'Why Does He Do That' by Lundy Bancroft - it's available on Amazon and other sites.

You're not crap, honey, but he is.

www.onespace.org.uk/elearning/courses/freedom-programme