The article describes my wife to a tee, I'm a bloke in a EA relationship, I hope you won't mind me making a comment.
In my experience, this is not gender specific. I suspect that my wife's own Mother was EA and my wife accuses her of this ( she no longer communicates with her and is currently denying access to the grandchildren, I am forbidden to speak to my MIL). I grew up in a family where my Father adored my Mother til the day he died and my wife actually looks to my Mother as a "Mother figure", if that makes sense?
This is not about weak or strong - my career has been spent in some very Alpha male type jobs. A big problem for me is that I am currently unemployed and at home looking after the children, not sure I'm very good at it, but I try. You can imagine how difficult it is to search for a job with no self esteem left.
I've experienced all the symptoms - the social put downs, the emotional meltdowns over seemingly trival matters, the walking on eggshells, nothing is ever good enough, the disappearance of intimacy ( like the OP, I sleep in the spare bed and at times I feel like I'm 16 years old, but without the freedom).
What really rings true is the way these people switch on a different personality - one minute ranting, the next the perfect professional woman in social settings.
The technique I use when she "wants to pick a fight", is to say something like " I am prepared to discuss the matter rationally, but I will leave the room if you emotionally abuse me" ...... sometimes that works.
So if she says ( generally screaming) "I am not abusing you, you f*ckwit", just calmly reply, "well that is how I am perceiving it". Be up front and alert to their game, depower the bully.
OP - what is your DH's family like, any history of EA? I sometimes remind my wife that her own Mother made here feel horrible, so why do it to me? That does seem to work, remind them of their own pain.
As for me, I have decided that I have no real option but to hack it and put up with it, the abuse has only turned physical once when she attacked me in a clothing store, witnessed by horrified staff and on CCTV!
I did try a hobby and was meeting with some success, but last week she went postal and damaged some of my kit, and I can't afford to repair it. I reckon it's part of the control thing.
My concern is that if I do leave, then I will be seen as just another a*rsehole that left his wife and family, but worst that the DC will be her next target. I don't want a medal for it, it's just the least damaging for the youngsters - they did not ask to be brought into the world, we decided that for them. I feel strongly that I must somehow shield them from this, but it is heartwrenching when a three year old screams at her own Mother to stop shouting at Daddy all the time.
So, the important thing is to work on maintaining your self esteem, I'm trying but it's tough. If another woman compliments me in front of her ( for say organising a play date), firstly I find it difficult to understand and she will generally use it later on to attack me " It's all about you isn't it?" etc etc.
How about doing some fitness work? OP says she has put on some weight, so what, everyone does - you need to break the cycle and do something for yourself.
And remember, your DC may be young now, but one day they will grow up and work it out for themselves.
Best of luck.