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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

cant do it anymore he is a vile bastard how do i get out?

99 replies

yummytummy · 17/06/2012 21:29

am shaking and crying just had an awful fight. had gone to a funfair today and when i came out of portaloos family had moved away spent frantic few mins looking found them eventually. then tried to make a joke to husband but still showing my point that " oh i see u did a david cameron on me ha ha" then the abuse i got was phenomenal, you stupid woman we were just there use your eyes etc etc. i said alright calm down then shut up you're useless always moaning and whining etc etc.

tried to approach him later at home saying calm down etc etc then i just got more abuse i'm crap it was a mistake to marry me you are so stupid that you cant even get a job you're a waste of my food money (have been job hunting and have hated being out of work and he knows that) more and more, i said dont talk to me like that then the usual you shouldnt make me angry.

have had enough of this all the time. he will never apologise will just not talk for 3 days then suddenly act normal no remorse or anything and i have had enough of feeling like shit all the time

but dont know how to get out have no job house in his name kids v small. dont want to go in a refuge just know cant live like this

is this bad enough to leave or am i being oversensitive like he says and i shouldnt have wound him up?

so confused and just cant stop crying

OP posts:
yummytummy · 19/06/2012 22:13

longest has been about 3 days. he could easily wait for weeks on end and not care but i cant and hate it and he knows it. probably enjoys that power he has over me. in the beginning when he was normal it was more fair in that sometimes he would make first move sometimes i would.

OP posts:
AnastasiaSteele · 19/06/2012 22:19

Like I say, depends what you want.

You could talk about house type/family day to day stuff/errands without going through the whole apology/relationship discussion.

I'm no good with this bit because my FW breaks his sulks quite easily. He'll usually initiate contact if he needs feeding or wants sex (and thinks I've not noticed...). Its sadly predictable!

Bongobaby · 19/06/2012 22:20

He does care in his warped world. he just wants you to be his submissive. it,s not a nice atmosphere to be in the silent treatment and walking on eggshells.designed to keep you in your place. Can you stay over with friends for a few days to clear your head?

yummytummy · 19/06/2012 22:22

guess you're lucky then, this one has no appetite for food or sex and will quite happily just eat toast and not have sex and not care. i'm too fat to turn him on anyway apparantly, nothing to do with him being a bastard then? aargh feel so much pure hate and anger and would love to go smash his face in but he would do more damage to me as in the past so not worth it.

OP posts:
AnastasiaSteele · 19/06/2012 22:23

The thing you need to remember is that he will devote alot of energy to all of this, controlling you etc - more so than you can ever realise. It's truly bizarre.

yummytummy · 19/06/2012 22:23

bongo cant really stay with friends as kids nursery and childcare all near here for morning drop offs etc. plus most friends have own kids etc and no space. unfortunately i dont really have much of a relationship with my mother so going there not an option either.

OP posts:
yummytummy · 19/06/2012 22:24

it is bizarre and pointless. i have never actually done anything awful to him dont know where this hate and need to control comes from

OP posts:
AnastasiaSteele · 19/06/2012 22:27

Use your anger to get you out yummy, not fight fire with fire. My Dad always tells me 'slowly slowly catchy monkey'. You can do this.

Don't listen to what he says. That's designed to Keep You In Your Place. Until he gets a new form of 'supply' (ie a replacement you), you will likely continue to be the focus of his attentions.

And really, I don't feel lucky! I find it easy to go no contact on him but find it hard to say no when he comes calling. I wished he had his own money and would content himself with a wank but apparently I'm required in between his multiple masturbation sessions.

Bongobaby · 19/06/2012 22:29

Good stuff yummy i,m glad you have feelings of pure hate and anger for him,this is a step in the right direction away from him. your next feelings will be of that you don,t give a frigging shit about what he says to you,abuse,insults will just bounce off you and you will come to realise just what a knobend he really is. so not worth smashing his face in, he,s a mug let him smash his own self in.

NorksAreMessy · 19/06/2012 22:30

I may be totally off here, but could he be having an affair?
No sex, insulting you, sulking, private computer use etc etc. he could be being vile to get you to tell him to go?

Is that at all possible?

And ((((((((yummy))))))))))) hugs. Keep snuggling those huggable children. They will help you to be strong

AnastasiaSteele · 19/06/2012 22:30

He does this because he hates himself and has issues with his own self esteem. There's lots of reading about this; keep reading and you'll understand.

I used to wonder what I had done to make him hate me. But I realised it isn't about me. It's all about him.

I could take him breakfast in bed and he'd look at me like I'd killed his dog. These people are damaged people. It's not you, it's him.

yummytummy · 19/06/2012 22:32

thats awful. at least you dont live with him is that right?

ok will try not to listen but its so hard.
am off now. goodnight all not sure when will get chance to come back online.

thankyou anastasia and all the other posters you dont know how nice it is to hear people say nice things to you after so many years of hearing crap.

its like a soothing balm

thankyou

OP posts:
yummytummy · 19/06/2012 22:34

norks, no def not an affair. he is at work long hours if not with family so pretty much always accounted for. i think just one of those who has a very low sex drive. its never been priority for him.

OP posts:
AnastasiaSteele · 19/06/2012 22:35

That's where I am lucky, I get a break!

It is hard, everyone here understands. One of the hardest things you'll experience. We're all here to support each other. The threads here have been a lifeline for me, there's some fab posters on here.

Keep in touch, it's a long road, but you're on your way girl!

Look after yourself.

yummytummy · 19/06/2012 22:36

thankyou, you too!

it really is such an amazing support wouldnt have nade it through last few days without it. its just sad to think of so many having such a hard time.

love to you all

OP posts:
AnastasiaSteele · 19/06/2012 22:36

Regarding sex yummy, from what posters say here, they are often one extreme or the other (your FW is the opposite to my FW, sex is his only reason for being).

Keep cross posting lol!

Bongobaby · 19/06/2012 22:37

Wake up strong, Hugs to you.

thornbury · 20/06/2012 21:39

yummy, how are things today?

Did email you but it might be in your spam :)

dondon33 · 21/06/2012 12:08

Sorry you're going through this Yummy - for the record, you sound like a lovely lady and certainly not stupid.
I want to say well done for taking those first little steps....it takes balls to ask for help/admit what's happening to you but please always remember that HE has the problems, HE is the cause of this NOT YOU.

You may not realise it yet but you've lit a fire inside of yourself now and it's going to burn stronger over time when you start rebuilding your self-esteem and finding out what options are available to you, it will help to empower you to have that knowledge stored away for future use.

you need to stop listening to his bullshit abuse, it's hard I know but try to remember he says these things because he knows exactly what it will do to you he's a bastard If you stop reacting to him then those words mean nothing.
Let him continue with his fucked up childish behaviour, if you don't do the apologising then he can fucking well sit there alone in silence as long as he wants. Shit for you, I know, but look at it as "practice" for when you do eventually get rid of him. Find things to do..come here, read, knit, clean...to keep you occupied when the DC are not around.

I would like to say, make him feel as though he is not welcome/wanted/needed/good enough to be your husband and show him you've had enough but if there's any issue with violence then please please be careful. If he notices that your behaviour is changing so much and that you could possibly leave him then he could/ probably will become worse :(

Good luck Yummy, I wish you good luck and strength in dealing with the cruel, calculating c**t of a man that you once knew as your husband.
Take care xxx

Bongobaby · 27/06/2012 16:55

How are things yummy, Are you o.k? x

Busybusybust · 27/06/2012 22:44

Aw, love, pop over to the Support for People in Emotionally Abusive Relationships. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1488894-Support-thread-for-those-in-Emotionally-Abusive-relationships-Number-9 The lovely ladies on there will help endlessly.

Sorry about the pathetic link - I'm not clever with these.

LordCharles · 27/06/2012 23:06

The article describes my wife to a tee, I'm a bloke in a EA relationship, I hope you won't mind me making a comment.

In my experience, this is not gender specific. I suspect that my wife's own Mother was EA and my wife accuses her of this ( she no longer communicates with her and is currently denying access to the grandchildren, I am forbidden to speak to my MIL). I grew up in a family where my Father adored my Mother til the day he died and my wife actually looks to my Mother as a "Mother figure", if that makes sense?

This is not about weak or strong - my career has been spent in some very Alpha male type jobs. A big problem for me is that I am currently unemployed and at home looking after the children, not sure I'm very good at it, but I try. You can imagine how difficult it is to search for a job with no self esteem left.

I've experienced all the symptoms - the social put downs, the emotional meltdowns over seemingly trival matters, the walking on eggshells, nothing is ever good enough, the disappearance of intimacy ( like the OP, I sleep in the spare bed and at times I feel like I'm 16 years old, but without the freedom).

What really rings true is the way these people switch on a different personality - one minute ranting, the next the perfect professional woman in social settings.

The technique I use when she "wants to pick a fight", is to say something like " I am prepared to discuss the matter rationally, but I will leave the room if you emotionally abuse me" ...... sometimes that works.

So if she says ( generally screaming) "I am not abusing you, you f*ckwit", just calmly reply, "well that is how I am perceiving it". Be up front and alert to their game, depower the bully.

OP - what is your DH's family like, any history of EA? I sometimes remind my wife that her own Mother made here feel horrible, so why do it to me? That does seem to work, remind them of their own pain.

As for me, I have decided that I have no real option but to hack it and put up with it, the abuse has only turned physical once when she attacked me in a clothing store, witnessed by horrified staff and on CCTV!

I did try a hobby and was meeting with some success, but last week she went postal and damaged some of my kit, and I can't afford to repair it. I reckon it's part of the control thing.

My concern is that if I do leave, then I will be seen as just another a*rsehole that left his wife and family, but worst that the DC will be her next target. I don't want a medal for it, it's just the least damaging for the youngsters - they did not ask to be brought into the world, we decided that for them. I feel strongly that I must somehow shield them from this, but it is heartwrenching when a three year old screams at her own Mother to stop shouting at Daddy all the time.

So, the important thing is to work on maintaining your self esteem, I'm trying but it's tough. If another woman compliments me in front of her ( for say organising a play date), firstly I find it difficult to understand and she will generally use it later on to attack me " It's all about you isn't it?" etc etc.

How about doing some fitness work? OP says she has put on some weight, so what, everyone does - you need to break the cycle and do something for yourself.

And remember, your DC may be young now, but one day they will grow up and work it out for themselves.

Best of luck.

yummytummy · 29/06/2012 19:55

thankyou to all the kind people who have replied. lordcharles its especially helpful to get a male point of view am surprised to learn women can be like this too. (although not so great for you though obv!)

have been feeling quite low today. nothing much has happened but feel weary of it all esp when remembering all the past incidents. just feel so hopeless as if there is nothing to look forward to and nothing better to come. dunno maybe as the kids have been hard work today, not their fault little one teething but its so hard.

sometimes i wonder if having kids was a mistake, the bad stuff has only happened since they were born as stress levels increase and time together isnt always possible. and also if no kids would be much easier to leave the relationship.

also will never stop feeling like its my fault that i must be so crap and it must be me that angers him and causes it. its also soul destroying when he never initiates sex ever as i am not attractive enough and too fat and he only goes along with it to please me. but then why when it does happen is it surprisingly good then? oh am so tired of feeling like nothing.

am just rambling i know but good to get it out.

thanks if anyone read it

OP posts:
thornbury · 29/06/2012 20:12

Hi yummy, good to hear from you. My DP was in an abusive relationship a few years back, so yes, women can be like that too.

Have to go out and fetch DD now but will be around later if you want to chat.

Sending you strength.

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