I'm tired and scared of the future

[2wwmadness]

Dh is under huge amounts of stress and isn't coping. He hasn't been for a while (few months)
He has told me he is not in love with me but loves me more than anything in the world. He's so stressed that he is unsure if his feelings are true or not iyswim.
I had out 1st dc 5 weeks ago.
We moved to a city where I know no one when I was 36 weeks pregnant. Dh's feelings came Compleatly out of the blue for me. I though we were happy. Dh was and is not in control of his drinking and started drinking straight from work and not coming home. He wouldn't answer his phone and just abandoned me. This happened throught the pregnancy, when the baby was first born and now.
I've been living between here and my mums throught. I've come back to our home as a make or break get help or loose us. If he's struggling with issues then I'll stay and help him, if he doesn't want me but struggling to end it I'll do it for him.
I'm tired. I have a permanent headache and I'm so lonley and sad. I havnt spoken to anyone today and I know I won't tomorrow if dh doesn't come home. He won't sleep in my bed an I don't get kisses Ect. Im so tired. This isn't making sense I'm sorry, feel fre to link my old threads so it makes more sense. I just need someone to talk to. I need strength

I'm looking at the statement properly for the first time and looking at messages sent on the same dates. He lied to me so much. I'm so sad.

2ww
I hope your check went all right today and that you asked for counselling.

Do you have the same GP as your DH? He might be able to call him in and offer him support/meds. Depression can be treated and it would be so sad if you broke up just because he was afraid to get help. If you really love him don't give up on him yet.

No offence to sallying, the statement "if you really love him don't give up on him yet". Please for your own sake OP ignore it, that is enabling and unhealthy for you, and will not help him. If you have lived closely with the cycle of drinking/depression I doubt you would advise that.

Not all depression can be treated. Often people with depression don't want treatment, it is notoriously difficult. Depression once treated may well come back again. Antidepressants don't always work. Men with depression do often not just retreat into themselves but can lash out emotionally, and that is very difficult to live with.

Therapy doesn't always work. Alcoholism and depression is a truly nasty mixture, and it is not always possible to work out which came first as they are so tightly knit. I have yet to meet an alcoholic who doesn't have depression.

And he is the only one who can ask for the help he needs to become well. If you love him, let him work out his own problems -that is showing him respect as the adult and individual he is, detach with love and get on with your life. If you love him get counseling for yourself and build up your own support network (friends, family, GP, al anon, whatever works for you) and life. Be honest with people who can help. Be kind to yourself. Look after yourself. That is being kind to him, as you need to stay strong to look after your mutual child with or without him.

I think he is stressed not depressed. And the drinking became out of control. I would call it a drink problem rather than alcoholic iyswim?!
Anywho, hello!
Dr was fab. Said to see if dh wanted help and she would help, much better than the other dr so the balls in DH's court.
I'm ok. Still at the parents and havnt spoken to dh since Tuesday morning, too angry Nd it's not helpin the situation. The bill vs text messages show to me how much he's lied. I'm not sure he hasn't cheated He venemously denies cheating but I don't even know him anymore so I don't know what to think. I decided not to think about it at all and just enjoy my little boy. I've met friends, joined a slimming club and im going away for the weekend with my son to visit some other friends. I'll see dh Tuesday. Ill see what happens then.

He needs to have made steps in the right direction. I called in our home today to pick up a coat. I don't think he's been staying there much, don't know where else he would stay though tbh.

This was me. I just searched my old name and re-read all this. I cannot believe all the support I had and I have tears reading this. I have been divorced nearly 3 years now. He was having an affair. He has never seen his son since the day I left. I've never changed my contact details. He just didn't call.
I am getting married next year, to a wonderful man who loves my son and is the best daddy to my son we could wish for, we bought a home and I am due our baby soon.
These messages seem a million years ago, for anyone who needs to hear it. It gets better when you take control of the situation and do what makes you happy. However scary that is.
The advice and love from the people on mumsnet at this time was incredible.
Thank you

I've only just read your posts OP - what a lovely update. I'm so happy for you and your precious son. Your ex is a profoundly selfish man and I pity the poor woman he ended up
with. God help her if she ever needs his support! But utter shame on her if she knew about you. Despicable.

I wish you all the happiness in the world 😊

Thank you, I think I have it. She knew me, well she thought she did. They both underestimated me clearly. I never knew relationships could feel like this.

Such a lovely update. Well done for moving onto happier times. I am sure that for some people reading this thread it will encourage them to get out and move on.

Reading back, how desperate and sad I sound, I can't remember it right now. It hurt don't get me wrong, but it was nothing I compared to the happiness I felt when it was over, even when I was in my own with my son. It was so happy. The new relationship is the icing on the cake. For anyone looking for te strength to move on, I promise you, it gets so so so much better

What a wonderful update OP thank you - this is so inspiring to people in a similar situation.

Fab news OP, don't they say the best revenge is a life well lived?
Merry Christmas