I'm tired and scared of the future

[2wwmadness]

Dh is under huge amounts of stress and isn't coping. He hasn't been for a while (few months)
He has told me he is not in love with me but loves me more than anything in the world. He's so stressed that he is unsure if his feelings are true or not iyswim.
I had out 1st dc 5 weeks ago.
We moved to a city where I know no one when I was 36 weeks pregnant. Dh's feelings came Compleatly out of the blue for me. I though we were happy. Dh was and is not in control of his drinking and started drinking straight from work and not coming home. He wouldn't answer his phone and just abandoned me. This happened throught the pregnancy, when the baby was first born and now.
I've been living between here and my mums throught. I've come back to our home as a make or break get help or loose us. If he's struggling with issues then I'll stay and help him, if he doesn't want me but struggling to end it I'll do it for him.
I'm tired. I have a permanent headache and I'm so lonley and sad. I havnt spoken to anyone today and I know I won't tomorrow if dh doesn't come home. He won't sleep in my bed an I don't get kisses Ect. Im so tired. This isn't making sense I'm sorry, feel fre to link my old threads so it makes more sense. I just need someone to talk to. I need strength

2wwmadness, I remember your other threads- I'm so sorry you are going through this. If you need to talk to anyone or just get out the house I live near you.

So sorry love - well done for being so brave - you're going to be a fantastic mum & it's his loss

I wish he did cheat, then at least I can get angry.

You CAN get angry. and should. Doesn't this make you angry? It's making me boil on your behalf:

-Dh was and is not in control of his drinking and started drinking straight from work and not coming home. He wouldn't answer his phone and just abandoned me. This happened throught the pregnancy, when the baby was first born and now.
- Why go out and show me so much disrespect and not work to make things better?
- My son is amazing, how can he choose to miss out on him?

All of this is stuff he CHOOSES to do. Stop asking why - there is no explanation beyond his own selfishness: he does not value you. He does not value his child. His CHILD.

Your son IS amazing, and your husband IS choosing to miss out on him. It's a fact and you can't change it. So go ahead and get angry about it. By getting angry you will eventually be able to accept and move on.

You will be able to cope without hime. You will even thrive, once you stop pouring so much energy into waiting and hoping that an inadequate drunk will start becoming a decent husband and father and wondering why he doesn't. He doesn't because he chooses not to, it's really that simple. Once you are free from the anguish of expecting him to be something he is not, you will have so much more time and energy to devote to the people who deserve it: yourself, and your son.

You will be fine. really. More than fine.

I'm sortin out my clothes whilst packing them. I'm
Gunna be different, this will change me. I'm a better peson and I'm
Gunna be even better. I just keep telling myself I'm gunna be ok. It's a physical pain, inmy chest and my head, I want a drink and a cigarette and I can't even have that as im looking after my son. That makes angry. He can and does coz he "can't cope" but I put the welfare of my son above me and be responsible because that's what parents do. I can't even get a fucking coffee, well a warm one at least if boypants is crying. How dare he. How dare he do this to us

I'm glad your in a fighting mood and feeling strong you should be very proud of yourself!

It's forced and fake does that matter? I'm really a wreck but I'm choosing to fight through it coz I have to. That's ok for now right? X

That is the definition of true courage, 2ww : feeling frightened or weak, but doin gwhat needs to be done anyway.

As Pickles says, you can be relaly proud of yourself!

You said your choosing to fight, so it's not forced or fake. Your being ever so brave and strong. I've just had to leave my partner before my baby is born cos he's a twat too. So I kinda know how your feeling, big hugs, lots of hand holding,
Get some chocolate, it does help! I'd defo book in with your GP too.
Your doing the right thing, you will be a inspiration to a lot of women you know, as well as your baby xx

OP my ex did exactly what your one is doing.

He'd go straight in the pub after work (finished early) and come home sozzled every evening.

All I got from him was "he couldn't cope"

13 years later he's still the same total weak, pathetic dickhead.

You will be fine, you really will.

Thank you all. Family is the most important thing to me. He know that we (supposedly) wanted the same thing. My son and I can be a family.

Yes you can.

a family is what you make It. I'm
Learning this. My family is me my bump my jack Russell and mum and dad!

Pickles we got a smelly decrepit border collie at my parents. The bloody thing does my head in

Well he can be excluded from your family :) I shall allow this my mothers two
Smelly scabby overweight vile cats are excluded from mine

How are you getting on?

Anger is good - the adrenalin will help you over the next few days although when you come down the other side you'll be exhausted (more exhausted!) but mum & dad will be there so look after you which is great,

How is it going? Hope u r staying strong

2wwmadness , I hope you're ok x

Hello! I'm at my parents. I'm ok. We had a convo and we all love the man he was before the stress and we want to help him. My dad has done some research if he can acsess any support from his work and we are making it clear to him that we love him and it's not too late to get help and live a happy life. It doesn't have to be like this and he had the support with us if he wants it. But he needs to choose to make some changes (NO BOOZE eg) and we will help him. I'm fine here and supporting dh as much as I can but looking after my son and I first. It's so heartbreaking seeing him not well. He cannot see a way out of his stresses BUT he isn't taking help from me so far. We will offer, and if he doesn't take it I can walk away with my head held high knowing I did everything I could to hold my family together.
We are having fun at my parents. I'm ok, I'm surprised at how ok I am. Still angry (my mum sobbed when we had a family chat last night coz she wants to make him and the situation better but can't bless her) but letting the anger go, turning it into pride. I'm gunna be proud of how I handle myself whichever way this goes. No more hysterics. No more shouting and screaming. He accepts our help or I call the solicitors. Calmly.
How is everyone else? Are you all well?

Wow you sound so strong! Well done! Glad your parents are supporting you!

Wow you sound super strong, well done you should be very proud of yourself, you've defo done the right thing.
Unfortunately you can offer him the help but he won't take it until he's ready and you moving out etc might just jump
Start that xx

I'm not that strong. In still fully Believing he won't do this to us. I've had no concern or even texts asking about the baby. Nothing from him. This morning. He just doesn't care when I'm not there. That stings. And it will crush me if he really doesn't care BUT I will survive, I will move on and grow and be a better person from this. I'm angry for selfish reasons. His life doesn't have to change. He can do/say what he wants. My body is ruined (my size 8 washboard stomach is now a size 14 bowl of jelly) my career and work opportunities reduced, I can't even go wild and get drunk and slag of men with my mates. I think in the future no man will want me. No man will want to take on this shit. I'm scared of being lonley forever. I'm scared of being in love with him forever and not really moving on. Just surviving. So, I'm taking it hour by hour. For my own sanity

Oh hun, that's exactly how I see
My life and im expecting. But I've decided I'll go back to college, ill stay in shape, and I will eventually trust and date again. Not for him- for me.
I'm taking small steps just like you are, and I know it will pay off. You owe him nothing. Do it for yourself, do it for your baby go get your hair done, or
A massage, treat yourself.
I haven't heard from my ex regarding how
Me or bump are and the first few days I was sad-- now im angry.
These aren't the actions of real men. If u need a chat or anything pm me xx

Don't worry 2ww. You have only just had a baby. Your body needs some time to recover. Focus on keeping you and the baby healthy and you'll be amazed in afew months when you look back. Men will want you. You'll be stronger. You can still have a career. Be strong for now. Things will get better. You are doing great.

How are you doing x