The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Starting the Summer Filled With Luscious Mocktails.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse and I used to drink far too much. Too much vodka to be exact, then too much wine, then too much cider....... you can imagine how it went.

This Bus is full of people like me, and people like you actually. Sober people, drinkers, a few not surers, and those who are simply 'somewhere'.

The one thing that we have in common is that we can/do/did/will abuse alcohol.

Some for a number of years, some months, some for their entire adult (and before) lives.

The support here is for everyone. Those in AA, those who are taking medication to help, those going it alone, those with the support of others. We're all here for the same reason.

Why not come and say hello? We are all so very different in our every day lives but we all have a common theme.....

And, for those who want to see where all of this began 2 years ago, HERE IS a link to all of the past Bus rides.

Fuckit maybe you'll just have to try as many different meetings as you can. I know what you mean, I felt much more comfortable when the male/female ratio was more balanced. One particular meeting contained all sorts, young blokes, middle-aged women and of course the old geezers, bless them.

Maybe you'd have better luck through your community drug & alcohol team (or whatever they call it these days). The recovery group I go to is really good - five great women and just one bloke and he was really nice too. But it didn't help me at AA to hear the same guys in their 60s telling the same stories week after week - all respect to them of course but I felt as if I was on a different planet. I remember Tania Glyde (the author of Cleaning Up) saying she's wished she'd found a woman-only meeting herself and she ultimately gave up on AA. I'm not saying you should though, you've had one great meeting and hopefully there'll be more.

I'm talking too much tonight so will say goodnight. Sleep well babes, anyone watching the footie? Very pleased tonight as I'm half-German and they had another good win!

I found/find the SMART 'toolchest' really helpful especially for cravings and anxiety stricken 'I need a drink' thinking.Never been to a face to face meeting as have none out in the sticks here.

lots of stuff to occupy your mind when contemplating drinking.

Well done on your journeys wherever you may on them..you are all very admirable for vocalising and sharing your 'relationships' with drink.It took me a very long time to ask for help-15 years to be precise and my advice to anyone on here (and lurking) is to ask for proffesional help if you cannot get out of that cycle of destruction...help is out there,it just takes your voice to ask for it.

I wish you all well!

Hello Babes. I have been reading the threads on and off since they started. this is my last hope, I feel beyond help. I started drinking at night when my oldest was small. He is twenty-four now. I have four children and at least one of them was conceived as an excuse not to drink.

I have been to meetings. They are all ex drinkers there and I felt a little eye-rolling at my story. I would too.

I am a single parent, I ended my marriage as I thought that would end my drinking.

I feel so stupid about this. I can't sleep without alcohol. I have had bad experiences with doctors with this issue and will not go back.

How do I break this cycle? I'm so scared of dying and yet I seem to be committing slow suicide.

Welcome Annie & George and Macavity. Am just off to bed but didn't want to let your post go unanswered. You are not beyond help, and noone here will roll their eyes at your story, I guarantee! Wiser people than me will be along to listen and help in the morning but know that you aren't alone.

Joey DP thought tonight was a 'glass with dinner' night, hence he asked if I wanted one. Having eaten already I resisted the temptation. He is very supportive and has cut down a lot too. Tbh I've realised since I cut down how much less he drinks than me.

Good night Brave Babes. Xxx

Hi to Annie George and Macavity

Astemia I have this with my H too, he didn't even bat an eyelid when I suggested we both cut down, except I'm the one finding it hardest He was out on a works jolly last night and came home reeking of booze, it wasn't nice tbh. I stayed up til 11pm last night drinking some of the drinks I bought earlier so my first alcohol free night - go me!

Only problem was I struggled badly getting to sleep and had an underlying feeling of a panic attack oncoming for over an hour before I just concentrated on my breathing and went to sleep. Feel ok this morning, no fug, it feels ok.

The stories of AA have kind of put me off, I cant see me taking part in any serenity prayers if I'm being totally honest. I may just use my GP appointment tomorrow to try and identify other support groups locally. I have googled something but saw they were based in the same town as my work and again; I have this dreadful nerve about telling anyone professional about my problem as I don't want my work to be told. But then I am off work anyway right now so am going to have to explain sometime.

Oh god, what a bloody mess. I'm sorry for posting all my random thoughts here but I needed to spill.

H is still being supportive this morning, He keeps asking how I am.

Going to try a second day off the booze today but I am really feeling my nerves.

Macavity I think all you can do right now is recognise you have a problem and want it to stop then take it from there. Do you feel able to see your GP? must admit I am nervous as hell as my appointment is tomorrow but I am determined to go, I really want to beat this.

Eww Epic post, sorry!

Forgot to say Morning to all

Limit well done for last night - that is day 1 accomplished, you should be proud of yourself.

Spent last night in the side car. Feel useless. There is so much to sort and change. So what do I do? Nothing. Just drink sleep not sleep and weep. Day off today. Major job is to dye hair. What fun (not)!

Limit you are great. You sound more certain about how you are going to deal with this. Good stuff!

today ((gentle hugs)) I promise you I am not that certain at all, I am slowly getting more and more anxious about tomorrow already and its only 8am. I can really see me having a couple tonight to sort my nerves out. The demon in my head is still talking very loudly over the sensible side of me..I don't know if that makes sense?

Have you tried writing a to do list? to get all those things that need doing out of your head and on to a bit of paper? might help a bit? I don't know.

Limit-be honest with your gp about your consumption (scary huh?) and lay it on the line about how it's effecting your life.They can't help unless you want help iykwim.

I hope your gp listens and supports you today,you are being very brave taking that first step .

Lots of deep breaths huh? X

Ok. Going to reframe this all.

This week so far I have done a totally alcohol free night which is great. I have enough left of this week to fit another one in. Good stuff.

I will have chilled day as no work and dh out most of day so home alone until two. Will so some clearing up but also me jobs. Hair and will see if toe nails are due! Good day to not drink tonight and will be good to be zingy for work tomorrow.

How are you all babes? Sorry not to name check ( have a feeling most understand about my shortage of headspace :( ).

Thank you Annie My appointment isn't until tomorrow at 9am though so I have one more day to get nervous about it ha!

I am fully intending to be completely open about it, it will be the second time I have ever told someone; didn't go too badly with my H so that's a start

Morning all

I feel that learning to not drink is a bit like learning to ride a bike. I remember teaching my dd and at first she couldn't get started. She kept trying but fell off a few times. When she hurt herself she didn't want to try any more. She was afraid and thought she would never be able to do it. But with a little time and encouragement, she went back for another attempt.

Once she got going she was very wobbly. Other riders and pedestrians scattered out of her way but I was there pushing her along. I can still remember my little dd desparately saying don't let go mummy!

Eventually she got into a rythmn of her own and although I ran alongside, I couldn't keep up. I can remember cheering and whooping as she sailed off, shouting after her, just keep pedalling!

Now she's a teenager and she still needs to be vigilant on her bike. She's been on a safety course to help protect herself with knowledge. She wears a helmet and stays aware of everything that's going on around her. She doesn't cycle with her eyes shut and hope it'll be ok. She doesn't veer in and out of traffic courting danger. She will never be able to do that safely but she will always have the little bit of independence and that 'free spirit' feeling. She just had to let go of the fear.

Bit far fetched, I know, but it seems like there are a few babes at the early 'wobbling' stages rights now and I want you know that lots of us are here to encourage and support you, we are all cheering you on!

Just keep pedalling x

Doh,that'll teach me to read posts properly

Good luck for tomorrow

Hey dont worry your kind thoughts meant a lot

Fairenuff I loved that analogy

sorry am going back to catch up but quick though - valium at those doses fucks your stomach as well - to the point of potentially shitting yourself how's your tummy been?

morning all

faire that's a brilliant analogy!

Another bad night - slept very badly despite all the relaxation exercises and herbal teas. Even had a nightmare and managed to shout out in my sleep!

I just hope its only the new dose of ADs kicking in and will settle down soon. I have a plan for tomorrow night.. but begining to think alcohol was just a way to cope with stress and tension and insomnia - and I CAN'T seem to relax right now

joey poor you. Lack of sleep is horrible. It could well be the new ADs dose- I find I'm very sensitive to changes like that.

I loved that analogy too faire! Very inspiring.

limit well done for your booze-free day, what an achievement. Hope you're really proud of yourself.

today your plans sound great. Keep your chin up :)

Hello to the newcomers and to everyone else- sorry, I can't quite keep track of how many of us are here.

I went to a friend's last night. They had wine, I was driving so drank tea instead. However, I did have a few drags on a 'herbal' cigarette- my old nemesis. I feel suitably groggy this morning. I feel like I have spoilt the potential to be proud of my non-drinking by having a bit of the other instead. Why couldn't I just have neither? A bit frustrated with self but onward and upward. 4 days without drinking.

Alias-yup alcohol is 'great' at pretending to cure all but infact all it does is prolong the panic and insomnia.

A great motto is 'this too,shall pass'.panic/anxiety does pass and so does insomnia in time and with the right lifestyle and mindset.

I was also using to 'help' my anxiety and insomnia,using for 15 years.Funny that the booze never cured me and just stuck me a perpetual wheel of panic-drunk-hungover-panic-drunk-hungover.

Strength to all x

yeah i was self medicating. funnily enough since i've stopped drinking lots of the 'things' i was using alcohol to medicate have disappeared. funny that

i have removed all the vinyl floor tiles from the hall - much hard work and blister making - gone through two stanley knives in the process. still it's done now just needs a good clean before i start getting coats of primer down.

off out to pick up paints and bits and bobs i've ordered in a bit. i'm amazed at my busy-ness - i was the queen of procrastination for years

welcome to the new babes. i've read and caught up but i'm afraid by the time i got to the end i'd forgotten loads and who said what so just a general hi and look forward to getting to know you more.

saf I am at your productivity. Every day you're achieving so much!

Joey lovey stick with it; when I mucked around with my AD dose it took a couple of weeks to rebalance. I'd been on 40mg all through the winter and it wasn't really doing the trick. As soon as I felt better when I stopped drinking, I jumped the gun just like I always do and halved my dose. In retrospect I was being absurdly a bit hasty. I put it back up to 30mg/od and it's taken a few weeks to feel stable again. Honestly though I feel so different to how I did a few weeks back - I feel normal again. Well, as normal as I ever get...

Lovely bit of reframing there today.

Limit it's a bit shocking when you realise that other people don't drink as much as you thought they did, isn't it.

Love the bike analogy Faire, except that I never really learned to ride a bike properly... so whenever I hear that 'oh it's like riding a bike...' I think 'okaaay...'

water don't beat yourself up; you didn't drink, that's a big achievement. You had a drag on a spliff because you were having trouble accepting that you could socialise without some sort of stimulant. You've acknowledged that and know that you can, so next time have the tea but not the spliff.

All fine here.

Ok, hit by new low just now, my work manager is trying to get in touch with me and phoned but I ignored it. Probably not the best thing to do but I am not ready to tell him why I am off work at the moment. There's no way I can go back in yet.

I do a great job of practising avoidance sometimes

Hoping I will get signed off by GP tomorrow then go from there.. I'm dreading them all knowing at work and am totally paranoid they will all be talking about me.

Not good...

The only upside is that I am currently "working" my notice to leave. Guess all I need is a note to cover me, i don't have to say anything else do I?

thanks mia and everyone - I'm going to try alternating 20/10mg and see if that helps. Apparently the side-effects wear off after a few weeks, but the GP only gave me a one-off prescription for a month anyway!

Now I'm beating myself up for thinking my problems could so easily be solved just by taking more drugs.

Ladies.......

I'm walking towards the bus stop. I shall wait there a while but will be joining you. I have too much to lose. I have been/am now under enormous pressure with various aspects of my life...

Gah, that sounds spectacularly naff.....

Hi all - sorry not to name check everyone, just nipping out. Update on me - over the last week, I was feeling really unwell with stomach pains. It wasn't anything serious, I think my body was fighting back against the booze. This week, I have drunk far less than normal and last night I drank nothing.

I have no white wine in the house, just red. This is good because I tend to sip at red wine rather than gulp it down as I do white.

After a good night's sleep, I feel much better and the pains have gone. It did scare me, though, and I kept thinking that I should not take my health for granted anymore.