The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Starting the Summer Filled With Luscious Mocktails.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse and I used to drink far too much. Too much vodka to be exact, then too much wine, then too much cider....... you can imagine how it went.

This Bus is full of people like me, and people like you actually. Sober people, drinkers, a few not surers, and those who are simply 'somewhere'.

The one thing that we have in common is that we can/do/did/will abuse alcohol.

Some for a number of years, some months, some for their entire adult (and before) lives.

The support here is for everyone. Those in AA, those who are taking medication to help, those going it alone, those with the support of others. We're all here for the same reason.

Why not come and say hello? We are all so very different in our every day lives but we all have a common theme.....

And, for those who want to see where all of this began 2 years ago, HERE IS a link to all of the past Bus rides.

joey look at the reports as a way of showing what you ARE doing
eg
Dear Manager
Today my cooleague X who is on hioliday asked me to cover XYZ job since she did not want to let down important client ABC
At the same time I maintained my own work load, today I emailed 2 clients, confirming their sales/appointments etc.
Tomorrow I plan to ...
In order to do this I will need your support by providing X report/information and guidance on Y...

oops, sorry about the typos!

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

Welcome to the new Babes who I have so far missed! sorry xx

Ma - You're not a serial offender when it comes to drinking, nor a fuck up or anything else you might feel about yourself (not that you said any of that !)

You are a constant trier, a constant arm to hold others up because you know how they/we feel. I know that in the past you've been worried about a lot of us babes and put your own troubles aside to help, give advice or just a friendly 'it's okay'.

Living your life must be hell at times. You know I don't hold back in telling you how I feel about your situation but I'm worried about you. You seem so down lately. You know the regular drinking doesn't help in the long term, bigger picture, and I also know the drinking does help, for an hour, a night, a day.

I get it Ma I do, please don't put yourself down. You've posted in the past about how you want to stop, stop so desperately, how you've seen the light (or whatever ) or how you are so upset that you fucked up that it has to stop today....... which is great, you just tell it how it is Ma and I admire that about you.

But the way your life and surroundings are right now, I can't see that you will stop for good, certainly not whilst living with DH full time.

Some people eat too much, smoke, take drugs, etc...... you have a drink or more. Over the last few weeks, I have noticed you less in the side-car and more on the Bus.

You KNOW that you can do it, it's whether or not you want to stop. And if it's the latter, you don't want to just now, then fine. I'm not gonna chucj you off the Bus, no-one is.

You're a savvy lady Ma and you know what you're doing to yourself and that the drink doesn't 'help' your marriage etc.....

But is does stop the pain now and then. I get that xxxxx

'chuck' not chucj!

I've not read back other than to see a few of Ma's posts.

Nice post there BProud - she's right Joey, make it positive

Has Silver been around? Or TheBoss?

I've just ordered my Motability car!!!

I've a list as long as your arm to do and DH is giving me 'calm the fuck down Mouse' looks.

Soooooooooooooo much to do. It's assessment time for Nemo so everyone on his team need to sub,it reports, me too. It's a long and tiresome process.

DH is another year older tomorrow, and we're sharing a weekend away for our wedding anniversary on Sunday. Be a lovely and much needed break!! DD is off to visit friends and family for a week and then we're off to pick her up for a big family gathering, should be good to see everyone again.

The sun has fecked right off here, a full line of washing out and huge black clouds............ grrrr.

Did I tell you all I'm off to see a spinal surgeon on Aug 2nd? Just a 'do what's wrong with you' type meeting. I hope he can suggest something for the pain, I'm going through morphine like water as the back pain is having a knock on affect to my hips, knees and ankles in this heat.

A good thunder storm would be welcome once my washing is dry!!!

Right, more paperwork.........

Big {{{hugs}}} to those in need. xxxx

mouse that is a lovely post to ma and I think everyone agrees how strong and tough she seems to be (too strong? we know you can't be like that 100% and if you need to vent - come here!) Just hate to see anyone beating themselves up.

WHY is there an Abba song playing in my head every time I come on the Bus? Has the radio got stuck?

First there was a new babe called 'Theresafire'(within my soul) then someone came on about 'here I go again', followed by us telling ma that she IS that strong....

faire said to visualise all the babes on the Bus... well at the moment, my vision is of you all dressed in flares and sequins

Loving your work Joey - I know have Abba in my head too!

Right, next stop is the post office via the photo copier and Nemo's shoes..... he has the most adorable little chubby feet that are currently padding up and down the hallway. I hate feet, even my own but Dh says they're lovely and I think they're a bit square , but Nemo's are just uber cute......

Back later xxx

Hey Babes!

ma I love reading your posts and also it makes me feel less guilty about still popping in all the time even though I'm drinking more than I should.

joey I agree with bproud about using this opportunity to show your manager how much you are actually doing. Hopefully that will also give you a chance to clarify what she wants you to do that you aren't, iyswim.

mouse I hope that you get some joy with the spinal surgeon. Fingers crossed for you.

guggen here's the company I used for wildflower seeds... www.meadowmania.co.uk/

The main thing is that you need to get rid of the grasses and plants already there, as they will overpower the meadow grasses and flowers, and the soil needs to be poor in nutrients - you could dig in some sands maybe. Shout if you want any more advice but there's lots of advice on the website.

Hot hot hot and a cloudless sky here. Hope DD isn't getting sunburned in Suffolk (xDP) has form for that! I'm reading up on anatomy and physiology in preparation for my community first responders training, and planning our trip to Naples for next year (if I can convince DD that we won't get caught in a volcanic eruption!).

Oh my!

As well as being generally amazing, JWN & Mia are clever too. I had no idea that you could buy meadow seed or how to look after the 'wild patch' Now I know what to do and when. See what can happen when you give the sauce the push?

Right, I know that I'm going to find it hard later on this evening so I am going to spend time this evening having a good look at all those lovely seed mixes and plan for next year.

JWN- I'm a townie too but I've noticed more bees, birds and creepy crawlies since I stopped using chemicals and left bits of the garden alone. We have a friendly frog too.Your garden sounds lovely.

Still not going to drink today.

just back from work, hot and tired... have worked harder than I have in months and half-thinking I 'deserve' some wine for making the effort. I wonder if I put my chocolate bar in the fridge that will make a nice alternative treat for later? Its a bit too warm for hot chocolate snuggled under the duvet! (is it only one week ago we had torrential rain and floods? )

I sent my manager an update of Every Single Little Thing I did today, even the most mundane stuff...! She'll soon get tired of reading that I reckon

The problem is I am the first to admit I'm a lazy sod, and things have been getting on top of me lately. But sometimes I feel like, when I do make an effort it goes unappreciated so why bother? oooohhh lightbulb moment! isn't that exactly what I wrote re. giving up alcohol but not feeling any better... there must be some psychological insight I could make from that, but I'm way too hot to think...

Joey I think your rewards will come when you learn to appreciate yourself a bit more. Make a list of all the things you're good at, or what you like about yourself. Maybe check out books on self esteem and see if there's any interesting summer reading.

We are always our own worst critics. We would never say to others the things we say to ourselves. It's human nature, or perhaps it's just a bit british, I dunno, but I think we could all do with being kinder to ourselves sometimes x

Hello Gugg - I'm not sure we've 'met'? What do you like to be called?

I think your rewards will come when you learn to appreciate yourself a bit more.

I'm going to go and paint this on the side of Gerald. I think we could ALL do with a bit of a reminder couldn't we? xx

ok bored of lurking (no offence intended). Need to stop (4 beers in garden today, wine later-i know this is bad). i have to do this step by step, i know this. So first things first, how do you guys get to sleep? Stupid question but this one of my biggest worries x

really didnt mean bored-just frustated with my life

Crystal if you've already had the beers, do you really need the wine as well? How about swapping to iced water, cordial or fruit tea, lovely and cool and hydrating for this hot weather.
Some -one (maybe faire?) gave some great advice about not sleeping. She suggests that instead of worrying about not being able to sleep one should take nightime as a time to relax and rest your body, calm your thoughts and recuperate from the day. Not many people die from a bit of insomnia, but loads do from alcohol related illness and accidents...

oh mouse what a nice post. i do wish people would stop being nice about me - I can't handle it . Where is indie - she will bring me down to earth with a bump.
oh, and by the way - this is day FOUR!!

Hello Mouse and Ma and everyone,

I like Gugg actually- I sort of look like a Gugg

Ma- day 4 is fantastic,good on you.

Mouse I have been lurking for a couple of months and just couldn't find the right time to jump on board. This bus has been responsible for the longest stretch of sobriety I have had for a long time. I drank every night for years, even when I didn't really want to, so it was just a stupid habit that I couldn't control. But I began to read the threads and think a little harder and drink a little less. I'm very pleased to 'meet' you all, I feel welcome here.

I haven't had a drink tonight and , thankfully once I make it through to 8.30 ish then I'm fine.

If I've been drinking throughout the evening then I get to sleep really easily crystal, but then I wake up in the early hours and can't get back to sleep. I lie there feeling all wrong and panicky for hours.

If I've had a few drinks early evening but then stopped, I have huge difficulty getting to sleep, but then when I wake in the night can usually get back to sleep ok.

If however I go a few days without drinking at all I find that my sleep quality improves dramatically - I find it easier to get to sleep and easier to get back to sleep when I wake. I'll never be the best sleeper but things are a whole lot better when I don't drink.

I use foreign language courses on my ipod to help me sleep and the advantage is that if I can't sleep then at least it isn't wasted time. My DD has trouble getting to sleep and I've started her doing this too. She moaned and complained and said she didn't want to, but ta-da! now she's asleep within half an hour to an hour!

Hello crystal, hope you're okay.

I turn the clock away from me so I can't see it, so if I do wake in the night I 'settle' myself a lot more quickly. I had a bloody awful night last night - funeral plus booze - but remembered that it's only one night. Good luck - I'll be sending sleepy thoughts your way later :)

Day zero again for me.

crystal welcome! are you saying you usually have alcohol to relax enough to fall asleep? you may find its just become a habit, and you can do without it. To relax, what about a few stretching/pilates exercises - I make this a routine when putting the dog out last thing.

I have been winding down with a cup of hot chocolate, but that doesn't seem so appealing as we are having a short heatwave I wonder if iced tea can be made with herbal teas? mia your expertise is needed on this!

forgot to say ma thats brilliant!! 'failure' my arse

Evening, tis me, Moiuse

Gugg - I have no idea what a 'Gugg' looks like so hope I've not offended you lovely.

I'm so pleased to read about your sobriety and how you've cut back so well. I know that we are only words on a screen, strangers posting on an internet forum..... feck, we could call ourselves the Gin Hags and be no different (well, maybe those who hate gin!) to any other place.

BUT - I honestly feel this Bus has helped an awful lot more people than those who actually post here. I know that when I first told DH (who Ma has a soft and hot spot for ) he snorted his wine out at me, dismissing my claim of alcoholism......... but now he gets it.

He has seen me after falling off the toilet pissed (not pissing) with a smashed up face. He's seen me trying to comfort our son when I wasn't fit to hold a feather never mind pick up a 12mo.

Drink fucks you up....... there's always an underlying trigger but it takes and takes and gives NOTHING back.

So, for me, an occasional drinker, this Bus is my life-line because sat in these seats are people just like me. We all abuse/abused alcohol to make the world seem a nicer/better/safer/quieter/bearable place to be. Just for one night.

Ma - erm, nope. Nice posts lift your spirits, the non alcoholic kind , tough love works in other ways and for now, I think you need the former. You know me, and how I feel about your 'situation'. I've actually known you for more than a year, almost two now, and I consider you as a friend, even though we've never 'met', I feel you can accept anything I post to you, because you know I get it.

Day four? 'Get the hell out of here' to quote Eddie Murphy in Beverly Hills Cop. Due you know what? Day four was the day I started to feel better. I started to heal, to absorb air, light and love. My wall started to crumble a bit......

Ma - you have to do what's right for YOU. If that's numbing the pain every other day/week, then so be it. You're not alone and you never will be xxxx

DH has a birthday tomorrow, and I've a million things to sort so will bid you all goodnight. I'll be back to set up the new thread in the morning.....

Hello and welcome to Crystal sit down and snuggle up for the night, you're in a good place now. Please let these lovely ladies help you.... be brave xx

Night all, sleep well. I hope tomorrow is a nice sunny day, it really lifts me up xx

Babes! , Tis me (Sorry Mouse , I know that's your word) back with my crap phone and several posts . Firstly, Ma if it weren't for you on the thread when I first started lurking I would never have come back, cos on that page almost everyone else was so many days, weeks, months along and I was still actively imbibing. Soma , hi I'm on the Perth side of the great southern land, congrats on your dietary successes.

Joey almost spot on re: my nn, was inspired by Adele rather than Abba, although you did give me visions of my DM singing Fernando! Welcome Gugg , Reynard and Crystal , I can relate to elements in each of your posts, everyones I suppose! Gugg I gave myself a period of unrestricted drinking while I quit smoking and by God, I've created a monster. Day 1 seems so massive for me thats I'm gonna do it with antabuse and valium. I hope to only do it once though.

mouse you're posts are amazing! Thank you x

crystal I sleep incredibly well without drinking. I don't usually need the alarm clock because I see every hour after 3am! But this morning, the alarm woke me. It's the best feeling.

That's me on Day 3 again

Oh and I got the job interview I was after!! So happy. I really hope it's time for a new chapter in my life. It seems so right that I'm turning my life around now that wine isn't important anymore.