The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Starting the Summer Filled With Luscious Mocktails.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse and I used to drink far too much. Too much vodka to be exact, then too much wine, then too much cider....... you can imagine how it went.

This Bus is full of people like me, and people like you actually. Sober people, drinkers, a few not surers, and those who are simply 'somewhere'.

The one thing that we have in common is that we can/do/did/will abuse alcohol.

Some for a number of years, some months, some for their entire adult (and before) lives.

The support here is for everyone. Those in AA, those who are taking medication to help, those going it alone, those with the support of others. We're all here for the same reason.

Why not come and say hello? We are all so very different in our every day lives but we all have a common theme.....

And, for those who want to see where all of this began 2 years ago, HERE IS a link to all of the past Bus rides.

venus actually I thought the camel in the 3rd photo was quite cute...

Wow I missed all the excitement of your date Soma!! I'm so glad it went well and that things sound so promising.

at Venus' camels!

Ok ish here. Feeling a bit flat, not sure why but suspect it might be that I drank a bit too much over the weekend and then yesterday, when I wasn't intending to drink at all, I was instantly swayed by offer of a glass of bubbly on arrival at MIL's. Just had one and half a cider when we went out for lunch (her birthday) but then she insisted we take the bottle home with us so finished it between us last night. I'm a bit at drinking on a no-drinking Monday. Also ate a couple of slices of cake yesterday so feel that the diet has slipped too (and put on 2lbs over the weeekend, due to carb eating at party).

I really fancied a glass of wine tonight. I didn't and won't but I do feel a bit fed up. The weather doesn't help, does it.

Spent most of the day extracting DD's 'novel' (that she's been writing for months now) from the book creator app on the ipad into a format that's easier to edit. Mind numbing but got there in the end, and have discovered that she's written....
...wait for it...

over 26,000 words!

I couldn't believe it. It's a wild fantasy about mythical animals, full of battles and magic and head-spinningly improbably plot turns. I managed to read about two thirds of it today and so far the central character has gone from being a phoenix, to a phoenix in human form and back again, to discovering that actually she's been a tigress all along without knowing it. Now she's found out that she's a princess of a tribe of magical underwater tigers and that she has ten children that she didn't know about because during a battle with an eagle she fired a memory-loss spell at it which rebounded off a tree and hit her!

She's determined to publish it on ibooks. I'm not sure the world is ready for it quite yet!

26,000 words...

Hello to all Babes and sorry not to namecheck. xx

Mia how wonderful that your DD has such an imagination - give her a chance, she might be the next JK Rowling! We all have flat days but you'll bounce back. The weather doesn't help does it?

Have bitten the bullet an opened the cat-flap and shut both cat and dog in together downstairs. Neither of them will be allowed up without our permission.
She has her bolt-hole (ex-H kindly cut a tiny hole in the internal door which she can get through and he can't, with food and bed etc so if she wants to get away from him she can. Fingers crossed it all works out.

Good advice Faire, he may just be after one thing - how am I to know at this stage? He seemed very keen on another date this week before he goes on holiday at the weekend but I can't make it. So I suggested we put a date in for when he comes back and before I go away. He said he'd look in his diary and get back to me but hasn't yet . If he's genuine he will and if all he wanted was quick sex (and he's made it quite clear how attracted he is to me) then I'm better off not hearing from him again. Ain't that right babes? And even that, which used to be my greatest trigger of all (anxiety when I've met someone I like and when he's going to text/call blah bloody blah) hasn't made me want a drink. Not for a second. I'm SO grateful. I am strong. I have you lot! Nite nite xx

Going for blood tests tomorrow. LFT's included. Can't deny it, I'm worried. But best to know.

Have any of you had abnormal results? What will happen?

A bottle of wine most nights for nearly 5 years won't have done me any favours. Plus there was untold drinking before children

Nothing tonight though. Only water and managed to squeeze in a hot chocolate before my fasting time of 10pm.

venus - yeah, it's just you.
soma for God's sake woman. Get to the sex toy bit!!
obrigada well done. you lost me on day two.

Seriously, where the hell is indie

soma I have PM'd you.

I think Isinde is on honeymoon. She did say see you in July and we're only 3 days in, hopefully she'll be back with a full report soon

I've had a lovely healthy, nutritious meal but still got the munchies so am off to bed.

Soma I'm sure he'll be in touch again soon. If not, it's his loss. If he can't be bothered to try a little harder than that, he ain't worth having, in my humble opinion.

Right, bed and book, night Babes x

Ma I will, if he fixes a second date like he said he would! Faire thanks for your supportive words and that's exactly how I feel.

Daisy, I've been a binge drinker for nigh on 35 years and my LFTs have always come back normal (had one done very recently) so don't be overly anxious. I think other heavy-drinking babes have had the same experience - ie normal LFTs. If they're abnormal the liver can heal itself if you give it the chance so try not to worry.

I can't believe what time it is, was cleaning the bathroom at 11.30pm so if I can switch my over-active brain off, hopefully I'll get a few hours decent sleep.
Nite nite xx

Hi Daisy, hope it all goes smoothly with your tests. It will be a while before you get your results so can you use that time in a positive way? If you are posting here because your are worried, could you write down what it is that you are worried about and what you would be wiling to do to change or prevent that. It can be tempting to think either: a) I've already done the damage so I might as well carry on and have a drink; or b) I've not done myself any serious damage (yet) so I must have a body that can cope and so it'll be OK if I carry on drinking. OR you could acknowledge to yourself (and maybe to others? GP? dp?) exactly how much you are risking in terms of your health, your happiness, your potential, and you could enlist the support of others to use this time and make some changes.

Hot chocolate last night sounded like a good idea - it's just a pity that we're having such crap weather in July that a hot chocolate is a better alternative to a glass of cold juice

Hello everyone - have been lurking around these threads for months but only feel able to post now I've decided properly to cut down. I was drinking about half to a bottle of red a night for a variety of reasons (good day, bad day, reward, consolation, you know the score ) but now haven't had a drink since Saturday. I was expecting to feel a bit better than I do - have had a minor headache for days and am quite tired. When does the boing kick in and when do I get my glowy skin and my sparkly eyes??

Hi scootergrrrl - and well done for taking the plunge. There's something we sometimes talk about called Seeing the Hangover Through to the End. If you weren't much of a drinker and had a bottle of wine you'd probably feel pretty crap the next day and then maybe still a bit 'off' the following day while your body processed the toxins. For those us us who are/were daily drinkers we're never really giving our bodies time to recover, so it can take a few days of feeling like you describe - a bit headachey, and bit fluey, maybe a bit weepy. Your liver and the rest of your body systems are doing some pretty hard work repairing themselves before they really make a start on your skin. Then maybe things start to pick up. Also alcohol interferes with how your body absorbs vitamin B (there's a whole group of B vitamins that are important in cell regeneration and repair, proper nerve functioning etc) so eating a healthy diet that has lots of vitamin B (eggs, leafy green vegetables, bananas, lentils, whole grain bread, turkey, tuna, small amounts of lean red meat, peppers). And maybe take a multi-vitamin that has all the B vits.

Or you could send £40,000 in used fivers to my address, and I'll send on the glowy skin, sparkly eyes and boing by return of post (warning: some self-assembly required)

Morning, Day 3 for me today, so glad I didn't take up friends invitation to imbibe some wine as am feeling very tired this morning and if I had drank I would probably be twice as exhausted.

Soma... JK Rowling on a very powerful acid trip...

Daisy my father drank between half and a bottle of whisky every day (more on high days and holidays) for many years. Years before he died he was told that his LFT showed advanced cirrhosis and the doctor estimated that he had 3 months to live if he didn't stop drinking immediately and entirely (I spoke to the Dr). He cut down to half a bottle of whisky a day and I gave him loads of Milk Thistle (a liver restorative). He lived for another ten years before the signs of liver disease really started to show. I'm obviously not recommending that you keep drinking, just illustrating what a remarkable organ the liver is. If you stop drinking now you are likely to make a full recovery. Maybe you need an abnormal LFT to give you a shock and the impetus to change.

I remember Isinde saying she was going away after the wedding. Hope it was to somewhere with better weather than here!

Thank you venus. I've been thinking for a long time that I should not be drinking as much as I did, and had a funny achy feeling on my right side which I'm sure was my liver begging for mercy! It's almost gone now but I'll not get complacent about starting up again. This is the first time in a long while I haven't drunk at least three glasses of wine every night.

Apologies, major off-topic(ish) ramble coming up to ask for your support babes but this is a MAJOR issue for me. I have a horrible feeling it might start me drinking again....

I'm simply crap at handling the early stages of relationships (actually relationships in general) and that's why I've elected to stay single for the last year or so. Mr Sex Toy Man is the first guy I've met since I last dated who seems to offer real potential but it's brought back all the customary anxiety and seriously eroded my peace of mind (I think it was all just bravado last night when I sounded so upbeat about how I'd handle things if he didn't want to see me again). Since my divorce 6 years ago, I've proved to myself more than once that I'm probably more content without a man in my life and since jumping on the bus, I haven't been happier :) But I have major issues around rejection which were formed in childhood/early adulthood and it would take years of psycho-therapy to get me sorted out (had counselling, CBT etc which has had no lasting effect).

I really don't think I can handle the stress of dating, or more specifically online dating. If I met someone in a less contrived way (eg walking the dog or through work, friends etc) and got to know them first as a friend, I'm sure I could handle it better. What with a stressful job, the pets, a really up and down pre-teen AND my desire to remain abstinent from alcohol, do I need this pressure? I know any normal person would be able to take things in a calm, steady way but it's just beyond me. I turn myself inside out and life becomes a pain rather than a pleasure - you'll probably say don't invest so much so early and just let things develop naturally but I'm convinced it's beyond me now (I'm nearly 55) to sort out my deep-seated ishooos. I think my brain would have to be re-wired in some way!

So my question to you all is, should I once and for all give up online dating?
I know how bad it's making me feel, because he's just sent me a nice light text and the sense of relief is HUGE. I woke up this morning feeling almost sick and couldn't concentrate on anything. I'd really like to be in a relaxed, stable relationship but if trying to find one this way is going to take me back to square one, my feeling is not to do it. You are all so supportive and wise and any crumbs of wisdom that you can throw my way would be so much appreciated! xx and sorry for being so pathetic :(

Soma I haven't got time to respond properly to this until later, but just want you to know you're not alone in this. I've always been ridiculously obsessive about people when I first like them, to the point where it stops being a pleasant experience! For some reason it was different with DP, maybe because I was so exhausted from all the drama with xDP. It helped that he didn't ever play games, or do that push-you-away-pull-you-back thing.

More later, or I'll PM you xx

Thanks so much Mia, I feel utterly wretched now and this is spoiling everything. I'm beginning to think I have some sort of personality disorder!

Oh Soma, have no advice for you, "spinster of the parish" I am these days, been a long time since I was in the dating game . Have seen on these threads before that in AA they advise that you don't consider entering into a relationship until you are at least a year sober.
Don't stress yourself over it, continue as you have been doing, and take everything one day at a time.
Sorry I can't be of any help to you!

soma you're certainly not alone in fearing rejection. However 'good' our birth, infancy, childhood, adolescence and adulthood has been - the fear of rejection, or actual rejection, takes us back to the worst of our feelings. We all learn different ways of coping with that, some through intensive therapy, some through running away and living in isolation, and most of us somewhere in between, partly defensive, partly over-accommodating, partly through finding people that we can trust enough to take the risk........

So, my advice (fwiw) is look at this experience as part of a long process in learning. What have you learnt so far?

• that through internet dating it is possible to meet someone who is interesting and nice;
• that it is possible for you to negotiate the tricky communication of the early stages and to arrange to meet up for a coffee date;
• (this is the best bit) that you can enjoy the company of a nice man without the need of alcohol
• that you are an attractive woman, and that he is a nice man who would possibly like to meet up again.

Maybe that's enough positive lessons for now? You could leave things there and just assimilate what you have learnt so far - it seems like quite a lot.

Then next time (with another different but equally nice man), when you feel ready, you can build on those lesssons if you are ready to, and to maybe even to take it a couple of lessons further?

So I think that what I'm saying is, perhaps if this is making you feel a bit scared then it's maybe time to take a breather. But don't make a decision that you will never get into a relationship again, there are other steps along the way, and taking them at your own pace might be a good idea.

Soma in the words of John Lennon 'Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans'.

So my advice would be to focus on yourself, do what feels right, natural and makes you happy.

If it's meant to be, this budding friendship will develop into a good, solid, reliable, mutually beneficial friendship, or possibly a deeper relationship, or it may fizzle out completely.

But as long as you both allow it to be what it is, without expectation or added pressure, I do believe that things will turn out alright for you, whichever way it goes.

The rejection feelings are natural, we all have them. Just try to remember that most people are not rejecting you, as a whole person, it's just that, for whatever reason, they are not in the same place as you at the same time.

Does any of that make sense?

Oh Venus thank you! Why can't I see it like that, I'm actually feeling physically ill. But I must try to contain these feelings and maybe I should just leave it be for now. It doesn't help that the dog is peeing in the house whilst I'm out.

Don't want a drink though, and that's good. Obrigada thank you sweetheart for your post, can we please be spinsters together? x

soma no advice for you really, apart from dogs are less likely to break your heart but other babes have posted some helpful stuff... I get that it must be really hard - remember to breathe - and lots of hugs.

Fairenuff~I love the advice you have just given Soma. That's exactly what happened to me when I met my DH. I had been on a rollercoaster of infatuations and love affairs that had me thinking obsessively about them, every minute of the day. I found myself single and for the first time was just enjoying myself. I started looking after myself, going to the gm, working hard, spending time with friends. Somehow my DH became part of my life, but he just fitted in There was no effort required by either of us. I didn't have a game plan and I wasn't worried if he wasn't around. I just knew that he was the right one

Soma~I think often, the less effort required in the beginning of a relationship, is a sign of a lasting one X

Venus~thanks for the wise words. Although I'm not very sure what exactly I'm worried about. I think, probably, it's the fear that I have done lasting damage to my health, for the sake of a drink. I have two young DC. They need me healthy!

Faire and Daisy thank you for your thoughtful posts, they've helped a lot. I thought I'd learnt from my last dating fiasco what not to do but obviously I haven't. Never mind, I need to carry on as I was before and not let this derail me. My life is good and I want it to stay that way.

Joey it's always lovely to read your posts and hugs back. How are you?

I'm so tired, I'm sure a good night's sleep is what's needed, love to you all xx

Morning!