Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Im 34 and he is 25!!

94 replies

happyhappymummy · 08/06/2012 22:48

Iv been searching for a thread but cant find one so thought Id ask myself.
What are your views on 'Friends with benefits'?
I commented on a thread probably about a month ago and I was all for it as I thought why not. Now its me that could be in that situation and I would class myself as quite a sensible person who thinks maybe a little too much before acting on something.
Im 34 a single mum. I have been on my own for almost 2 years. Life has been busy and just recently I thought it was time to date anyway. I have met a guy who doesnt have children. He seems quite lovely. The thing is he is 25. This to me is a no no for any kind of relationship so I thought maybe we could just date a little nothing too serious.
The thing is I like him, which is good cos who want a friend with benefits you dont like right? Not sure how much I should like him. Am I too old for this?
Ok what it is, is I dont want to get hurt. Can you switch off those kind of emotions? I dont know Iv not done this before, Iv been married for yonks.

OP posts:
Newtothisstuff · 08/06/2012 23:04

I'm 32 and my DH is 23 he was 20 when we met.. We get on brilliantly (probably because I'm as immature as he is ) he is amazing with dd1 from my previous marriage. I thought when we met it would be a friends with benefits thing but I soon fell for him, the only thing I was nervous about was meeting his family, not sure I was exactly what they had in mind for their son ! Have some fun and see how it goes, your defo not too old. Your only as old as who you are feeling that's what I always say hahaWink

BonkeyMollocks · 08/06/2012 23:10

23 years between me and my dh. He is older, he acts younger than me Wink We have never had any issues between us, we get on very well.

Don't think of the age as a issue.
If you want abit of fun then go for it. Just take each day as it comes!

Original poster
happyhappymummy · 08/06/2012 23:11

Oh wow this is fab! Im glad you guys are happy :)
Ha yes I do feel as if Im still in my 20's mentally. Abit silly sometimes but its good to be this way.
He actually thought I was around 26 aw told you he was a nice guy ha! Of course this made me like him even more :) I told him my age and this was cool.
Yeah this is what I think see, why would a 25 year old guy want a ready made family. Told you I over think but I cant help it.
I feel like yes we can just have fun but I worry if I fall for him and he doesnt for me lets face it I hav quite a bit of baggage.

OP posts:
mumblecrumble · 08/06/2012 23:13

My ggodness - what you're suggesting is spending time with someone you find fun and attractive and perhaps enjoying some sex. Sounds great - go for it. If noone is attached elsewhere, you are honest with each other and use damn good contraception - again, sounds great.

mumblecrumble · 08/06/2012 23:14

and the age? What ever - sounds perfect :)

Original poster
happyhappymummy · 08/06/2012 23:14

Really Bonkey glad it works for you too :)
Im so trying not too. I think its the whole he doesnt have kids and I do, 3. I dont want any more. His family. Oh I know this sounds silly as its early days. I dont know I worry too much.
Im trying to think yep this is just fun, dont want to get hurt I guess.

OP posts:
BonkeyMollocks · 08/06/2012 23:14

Some do, some don't.

Story of a friend of mine,

She was 33, has 4 kids 18,16,14,10.
Got divorced.
Met a bloke, he is 22, they got married 2 years later and now have two kids together 3 and 2 and another on the way (I think she is mental btw Wink ) they are stupidly happy!

Just don't look too much into things and take some time and enjoy yourselves.

Original poster
happyhappymummy · 08/06/2012 23:15

Thanks mumble. This is what I always tell people but now its me it feels scary.
When you say it like that I think yes I can do this :)
Im being silly arnt I? Iv so got to chill.

OP posts:
Original poster
happyhappymummy · 08/06/2012 23:18

Aw really Bonkey. So it does really happen?
Def bonkers but happy thats nice :)
I know I shouldnt but when you split and are left a single parent you kind of lose confidence in who you are and what you can give.

OP posts:
mampam · 08/06/2012 23:18

Go for it! I'm nearly 4 years older than DH (he was 23 and I was 27 when we married). I have lots of friends that have younger DHs.

If it's just friends with benefits then who cares, you can teach him a thing or two Wink and who knows it might develop into something more?

Just go with the flow, I really don't think age or age gaps matter if two people truly get on.

Good Luck x

BonkeyMollocks · 08/06/2012 23:20

Maybe you need a young man to dote on you for a while to give you a confidence boost Wink

Be proud and happy of who you are!

mumblecrumble · 08/06/2012 23:20

woohoo!!!!!

Just take one step at a time (run if you like!) and if it feels good (and is safe) go for it. Sounds like you deserve some breaks from the busyyness. You can always put your foot on the brakes you can.

And er.... if there are any good details you could remember us...

mampam · 08/06/2012 23:22

Forgot to say that a friend of mine (also married to someone a lot younger than herself) her mother met her stepdad when stepdad was 19 and mother was in her 30's (with 3 DC). They are still together and mother is well into her 50's now so I really don't think age gaps matter.

Original poster
happyhappymummy · 08/06/2012 23:23

Thanks mampam glad it has worked for you too :)
Iv def got to go with the flow. Try anyway :)

OP posts:
crazynanna · 08/06/2012 23:23

When i was 35,I started seeing a 21 yo.

It was going fine...until we bumped into one of his (unknown to me) friends one day, who looked at me and asked my toyboy cheerfully..."Is this your mum's friend?" Shock Hmm Sad [fuck you emoticon]

BonkeyMollocks · 08/06/2012 23:25

crazynanna

Some bastard's think my dh is my dad! Shock

The shock on their faces when I smack his arse is priceless! Grin

Original poster
happyhappymummy · 08/06/2012 23:26

Aw thats nice too :)
Oh I feel so much better already why do I doubt myself so much?
Its like Iv put up this barrier as Iv been told its harder for women to settle into new relationships when they have kids.

OP posts:
Original poster
happyhappymummy · 08/06/2012 23:27

Aw crazynanna I think they were just jealous you know ;)
Haha Bonkey that made me laugh.

OP posts:
Original poster
happyhappymummy · 08/06/2012 23:31

oops sorry skipped a few posts!
Thanks Bonkey :)
Haha ok mumble I will do :) thanks!

OP posts:
SnoogyWoo · 08/06/2012 23:33

I was 27 when i met my good lady and she was 42. That was 10 years ago and still all good. I have 2 step daughters now, 21 & 16.

She had breast cancer last year and we have just finished going through the whole mastectomy, chemo and radiotherapy. Her mum died in the middle of chemo as well!

We have also been on great holidays, bought a house, built and lost a business.

I say go for it :)

Original poster
happyhappymummy · 08/06/2012 23:38

Snoogy Im glad all is still good for you guys too :)
You have been through alot together it seems. Still going strong, happy for you.
Can I ask you though, did you not want children of your own? Was the age ever an issue?

OP posts:
SnoogyWoo · 08/06/2012 23:45

I am quite a laid back person so its not ever bothered me plus i have been closely involved in the upbringing of my step daughters. She did become pregnant a few years ago but she miscarriaged, it wasnt nice but i have not had a burning need for children.

SnoogyWoo · 08/06/2012 23:48

Sorry forgot to mention the age thing. Never been an issue for us, she is young looking and i am bald so all is good lol. Both not massively social so we like our own company and with close friends. Can honestly say in ten years we have never had a comment said to our faces.

scarletforya · 08/06/2012 23:48

My Dp is 11 years younger than me. We are expecting our first baby in two weeks. Age is but a number! Go for it op!

Original poster
happyhappymummy · 08/06/2012 23:50

Ok thanks :) I guess everyone is different in what they want and need out of life.
My 2 youngest are 4 and 7 I also have a 16 year old, this maybe why I have issues with the age thing.

OP posts: