Im 34 and he is 25!!

[happyhappymummy]

Iv been searching for a thread but cant find one so thought Id ask myself.
What are your views on 'Friends with benefits'?
I commented on a thread probably about a month ago and I was all for it as I thought why not. Now its me that could be in that situation and I would class myself as quite a sensible person who thinks maybe a little too much before acting on something.
Im 34 a single mum. I have been on my own for almost 2 years. Life has been busy and just recently I thought it was time to date anyway. I have met a guy who doesnt have children. He seems quite lovely. The thing is he is 25. This to me is a no no for any kind of relationship so I thought maybe we could just date a little nothing too serious.
The thing is I like him, which is good cos who want a friend with benefits you dont like right? Not sure how much I should like him. Am I too old for this?
Ok what it is, is I dont want to get hurt. Can you switch off those kind of emotions? I dont know Iv not done this before, Iv been married for yonks.

Wish I was wise. Made some vair interesting mistakes in my time Not sure I would be dating now if the lovely man hadn't asked me. I'd have put it off and put it off. I was ready but whenever you begin dating it's going to be tricky to begin with. The same issues would have come to the fore whether I waited 2 years or 5 years. I never even enjoyed dating the first time round. So I was shocked when he asked me. Caught me on the hop.

You may find that this man is just what you need to tentatively dip your toe in the water, as long as you're both open and honest about expectations from the beginning, this maybe what you need right now? Besides it must be quite a boost knowing a younger man is attracted to you You've still got it happymummy! We all deserve happiness, enjoy.

Although you do sound so much like me. I am not really wired for fwb arrangements, I'm too loyal and steadfast and really affectionate. So I need more. Although the way I am operating with my chap isn't far off a fwb arrangement but we're monogamous and taking our time iyswim? It's very healing for me right now.

We all make mistakes. Its how we learn I guess.
No this is the thing see, Im not sure I am cut out for fwb's as I am too a very affectionate person and feel maybe I need more. This is why I question it. I was concerned about his age and thought maybe it would just be just a fwb's thing, Im guessing it is for him. Yes its nice to know I can still attract and yes him being almost 10 years younger kinda feels good.
Im glad its working well for you and you are healing. We do all deserve happiness and I wish you all the happiness and good luck with everything :)

I think for most blokes if you ask them too many questions about where things could be heading they'd be uncomfortable Most men are likely to evade the questions aren't they? So try and take each day as it comes and see where it leads I guess.

Yes this is true and the last thing I want to do is come across as needy in any way. Im going to def try and take it one day at a time. Im terrible I always need a plan, always need to know :)

Yes that's why it took 6 weeks to stop over thinking and it seems it's taken 3-4 months to find a level of peace where I am now relaxed with my situation. But I haven't put him on the spot about our future. I really do just take each day as it comes and he has still only very briefly met the children.

Thats good to hear :) I think you have done and are doing very well.
There is hope for me :)

You'll have to keep me posted on what you decide in the weeks ahead

I most definitely will :)

I'm 38 and have just our second son with my 26 year old husband.

Age doesn't even come in to the equation until I need to explain cultural references, or he asks me why I never watched Ninja Turtles (er, because I was off working full-time at that age sonny! ).

Haha that made me laugh Alpine.
Thats good to hear. I know it must work for some and Im thinking its def down to who the two people are and what they want.
After hearing so many stories off here I honestly dont doubt the age gap as much anymore. I just question are we compatible.

There is 18 years between me and DH. He is 47 and I am 29. Actually I thought he was much younger than he is when we met. We raised a few eyebrows but hey ho, we've been together 7 years this summer, married 4 and have two DDs.

He says he can't wait to retire and be a kept man and I say I can't wait to walk in and find my tea on the table... There go those pigs again

It can work, but why not have some fun finding out!

Hey KitCat only just got this message, glad it has worked for you too :)
Just wanted to update as I was very grateful for your advice but it hasnt worked out for me, never mind eh!
It was just casual for him and Im not very good at holding back my feelings.
I cant ever imagine having a FWB relationship as you start to feel and someone always gets hurt.
Im fine though :) I also felt that it wasnt going anywhere, not for me.
Single again. Im thinking maybe this is how I need to stay until Im happy with me.
Thanks again all :)

That's a shame, but I'm glad you came back to update. It's teaandcakeplease here I've name changed

Ha just realised I'd already name changed when I posted before, so no confusion afterall. Clearly haven't woken up yet today.

Never mind OP. I'm not they type to have a FWB relationship either. I always feel someone gets hurt in the end.

I hope you had some fun.
If so, then it did work out.
Waiting to live happily ever after should not stop one from living happily for the day.
Well done for seizing the day, and not going for the FWB as something you did not want, and I hope there is lots more fun to come for you.

Thankyou lovely ladies :)
Yes a little fun was had and to be honest it makes you a stronger person cos now I have a clearer mind to what dating is about and what makes me comfortable and what doesnt. Also what I want and what I dont want so all is good :)

I'm in a FWB thing with a 22 year old, and I'm 31! I love it, I have just really come out of a shitty relationship, my self esteem had a bit of a knock, but just having this thing with my little tonic has boosted me, and we both know where we stand.

Enjoy it, see what happens, and, well, have fun ;)

Glad it was fun, sounds like it went fairly well and has run its course.