Im 34 and he is 25!!

[happyhappymummy]

Iv been searching for a thread but cant find one so thought Id ask myself.
What are your views on 'Friends with benefits'?
I commented on a thread probably about a month ago and I was all for it as I thought why not. Now its me that could be in that situation and I would class myself as quite a sensible person who thinks maybe a little too much before acting on something.
Im 34 a single mum. I have been on my own for almost 2 years. Life has been busy and just recently I thought it was time to date anyway. I have met a guy who doesnt have children. He seems quite lovely. The thing is he is 25. This to me is a no no for any kind of relationship so I thought maybe we could just date a little nothing too serious.
The thing is I like him, which is good cos who want a friend with benefits you dont like right? Not sure how much I should like him. Am I too old for this?
Ok what it is, is I dont want to get hurt. Can you switch off those kind of emotions? I dont know Iv not done this before, Iv been married for yonks.

No, really bad idea!
Send him to MEEEEE!!!!, instead (I am only 52!)

Haha arthriticfingers :) are you sure he is actually a lttle bit shy in a cute way.

Cute, you say?

Yeah yeah very! :)

The whole are you goin to get hurt thing would be the same for any relationship surely? I mena DH and I are extremely happily married but we will get hurt - either we die, divorce or both - hurt is enevitable what every you get into.

Its the bit before that counts!

Great body?

Lovely soft hair?

Smell nice?

Is he nice to his mother?

Cos I think these things are more important than his age

The age gap is nothing.
Go for it girl.

I'm 33 and separated from my H in October 2009. I started dating again in February this year and it is certainly a rocky road at times. The chap I am dating is actually 45 and I am enjoying the maturity tbh. But my ExH was 5 years younger, so that maybe why

What I would say is that if you've ever felt used or rejected in marriage, you can feel even more used and rejected by sleeping with a person who is not serious about you iyswim? Unless you're a very strong person and able to not start to long for it to be more serious. I know some lovely ladies who are really enjoying the no strings attached fwbs. It works for them.

We all have a deep longing to be loved. For me the right time to date again was when I didn't need anybody to be happy. Not sure if that makes sense to others though? I just found that when my self esteem was still low I thought that being in another relationship was the answer and in some ways it can give you the reassurance that you are lovable and attractive to the opposite sex. As I just felt like a Mum, not a desirable person to a man. But it would have been a bad idea at that stage.

But by this February I was definitely ready but even then lots of old past hurts have stirred to the surface and my chap has had to be very patient at times. I was really panic stricken on the first date and had trouble eating for the first few weeks We are taking things fairly slowly, it's not too intense, we see each other once a week and chat once in between and that is enough for me right now. But I was very heavily co dependant in my marriage and this for me is a huge change. Learning to not stop my life for one man and throw my all at him totally and completely

He does sound lovely. I would say go for it if you feel ready though, despite my slightly off tangent musings above.

Yes mumble I do look for these things too, and who friends they like to spend time with. You can tell alot about a person by who they like to spend time with.
Thanks nothing :)
Dontsteponthe.. Yes this is so so true. I can completely understand where your coming from. Its def about being happy with who you are first and being happy and content single. I have been on a huge journey since my husband left 2 years ago and learnt so much about, life, people and myself. Im a much stronger person but my confidence still isnt 100% but Im getting there. The bit about feeling lovable and attractive to the opposite sex is an issue for me that Im trying to work on. I feel very panicky about this. Good luck with everything in your new relationship :)
The Second.. you are probably right. Maybe its not for me.
I did see him last night and I tried to throw in a few questions without sounding too needy. I do think this is a casual thing for him.
This dating lark is quite difficult!

The age gap shouldn't be an issue at all, and IME once blokes are over 25 they're usually a lot safer bet than when they're under 25. My DH is 9y younger than I am as well; we met when he was 27 and I was 36 but I was a fairly young-outlook 36 and he was quite mature as a 27yo (had been working since he was 15).

In the end, it's less about the actual numerical age of someone and far more about how you connect as two people and what you both want out of a relationship - so if it works for the both of you, go for it - but if one or other of you only wants a casual thing then so be it, you have to accept it for what it is.

Glad its worked for you Thumb :) Yes this is true, I see this now :)
I think its casual for him. Today I feel strange. I think its the whole dating thing. I just dont know how to feel, how I supposed to.

DP is 12 years younger than me. I thought he was way too young at first, then we had a couple of drunken fumbles, then I though FWB might work, and then he never went home! 5 years on and a DD later we're still happy and still very much together.

Just go with the flow. Don't rush in to letting him meet your DC obviously, but why not wait and see how it pans out. Even if it fizzles out, at least you'll have a bit of an ego boost knowing you can pull a hot young bloke, and you'll have kept your hand in!

It's an odd feeling happymummy isn't it? I have had great difficulty adjusting back into dating again.

Glad its worked for you Balloon :)
Im trying to go with flow its just strange. Yeah I feel a bit weird today but will see how it goes.

Yes def Dontsteponthe. Its quite an over whelming feeling. I feel panicky alot of the time. I wish I could just chill a little not think too much.

HHM - I kind of know how you feel! My first BF I was with for 11y, we were due to get married, then he went off with a secretary from his work (oh the cliché!). I felt completely adrift! Never done the short relationship thing, hadn't really done "dating" apart from with this one man - it was pretty scary! I don't think I ever really got the hang of it, if I'm honest. Plus I felt like I was back to being 17 again, as though those 11y of life had been cancelled out (mind you, I had become frighteningly middle-aged, he was a proper young fogey! so that was probably a good thing )

I think it's a good idea to just take it really cautiously, expect nothing from it, enjoy what you get from it and be ready to let it go if you have to. Good luck!

Thanks Thumb :)
This is what Im trying to tell myself. Iv got to try and enjoy it rather than analyze everything.

The analysing eases off. Tool me about 6 weeks. I played it cool with him but internally I struggled constantly. I had to buy Kalms for night time as I had trouble sleeping And I went down a dress size Highly strung, moi?

"took"

Aw bless you. Hope you are doing better now? Hey fab diet though ;)
There was me thinking it was just me! Im glad this is normal. I sometimes say to my friends right thats it Im not cut out for this dating its safer to stay single :)

Oh I said that all the time. Being single was easier. But it's a huge step after what has happened to us in the past. I don't know your full story but my ExH I poured my heart and soul into and he left me for a 21 year old friend. A huge betrayal. And it's complicated trying to process what's gone before and who the real you is now. Also with a 3 and 4 year old in the mix I kept thinking I had nothing to offer, not to mention the wobbly tum and stretch marks but I am getting there and the slow pace is helping. It gets easier this experience is all part of the journey to recovery. Painful and out of the comfort zone at times though!

Oh terrible punctuation Typing on the phone and cooking tea for the DCs

Aw Dontsteponthe Im so sorry to hear that, that must of been awful for you. You have done so well.
My ExH didnt leave me for anyone else but he left and was with his now gf within months. He never looked back.
Oh I know how you feel, wobbly tum and stretch marks. These are all things that I worry about. Also being a single parent to 3 children. I still feel like Im not much of a catch. I do try to look after myself inside and out. Im building on my confidence but its hard.
Def agree with you on the experience is part of our journey.
Thankyou, you sound very wise :)