Im 34 and he is 25!!

[happyhappymummy]

Iv been searching for a thread but cant find one so thought Id ask myself.
What are your views on 'Friends with benefits'?
I commented on a thread probably about a month ago and I was all for it as I thought why not. Now its me that could be in that situation and I would class myself as quite a sensible person who thinks maybe a little too much before acting on something.
Im 34 a single mum. I have been on my own for almost 2 years. Life has been busy and just recently I thought it was time to date anyway. I have met a guy who doesnt have children. He seems quite lovely. The thing is he is 25. This to me is a no no for any kind of relationship so I thought maybe we could just date a little nothing too serious.
The thing is I like him, which is good cos who want a friend with benefits you dont like right? Not sure how much I should like him. Am I too old for this?
Ok what it is, is I dont want to get hurt. Can you switch off those kind of emotions? I dont know Iv not done this before, Iv been married for yonks.

Thats good then Snoogy about the age :)
Congrats scarlet :) this is lovely. Thankyou :)

I would say give it a try, lifes a journey and if it doesnt work out with him i am sure you will have some memories to smile back on.

Aw thankyou Snoogy :)
Yes life is def a journey. Im gonna give it a go and take it easy I think.
Scary scary stuff being single and out there again after so so long.

Isn't the acceptable age gap supposed to be half your age + 6. So for you, 34 / 2 = 17 + 7 = 24. You have a year to spare

Haha I have never heard this Narked :) but it sounds good to me :) I will be 35 this year so Im probably more or less spot on ;)

No wonder an old git like me can't pull if all you women are chasing youngsters!

Only joking. If you are happy, and you feel good about the two you then go for it.

You only live once. Don't want you back here in a couple of years regretting things you haven't done

Go girl!!

Haha aw Im sure you can ineed :) The thing is when you find yourself on a night out at 34 newly dating again, most of the guys are below 30.
Thankyou. Yes its def about time I lived a little just got to build a bit of strength along the way as Im sure there are gonna be some bumpy rides on this dating scene.

I am the same age as you but have gone the other way and am seeing a guy who is 50. We were doing the FWB thing for a while but it sort of developed into more than that! I am just enjoying it and not worrying about the future, I think it's better to regret something you have done than something you haven't :)

happy - why limit it to "friends with benefits"?

Just see how things go.

Yeah, you might get hurt. That's how these things go. But you'll never know if you don't try.

Snoogy - wow, you and your DW have had a hell of a time of things recently. :(

I hope things are settling down and you guys have some fun times ahead :)

Good for you Elefant1 :)
Straight away I thought no this cant develop into anything more for different reasons really. Iv kind of said this to him not about the kids thing just that the age thing is a bit of an issue for me. The biggest being I have 3 kids and he has none. I dont know why I see this as a massive issue I just dont know how it could work, but cos I like him I thought I could see him in a not so serious kind of way, which I know all relationships start off like this. This is why I asked about friends with benefits can it work without getting hurt.

Depends on the people involved - my mum and dad were 33 and 22 respectively when they met - happily married for 46 years till my mum died. My last partner - I was 33, he was 22, lasted 5 years till I had to admit that he was terminally immature and was not going to ever come round to having children. Again, this may not be a problem for you if you don't want a forever relationship right now (after 5 years I knew I was getting to the end of my fertility and really wanted children). If I met a potential friend-with-benefits now (happily settled as single mum by choice) I'd be quite keen on the idea of sex without it impinging on the rest of my life too much.

Glad your mum and dad were happily married for so long Lurco :)
Yes I can understand how you felt as you wanted children. This is the thing its not so much the age its the being incompatible bit. I feel quite silly as its so early but I didnt want to get into something that would hurt me. So I thought Id ask on here. I know I sound a wimp but Iv been hurt and it seems to effect my whole life and I have too much I want to do. I know I should wise up a little and Im trying I really am.
Yes the idea of it sounds fab doesnt it. I think I could do it for a while, Im just wondering if feelings of wanting to be with that person a little more would arise.
I know Im worrying too much, wish I didnt worry like I do and over think things. I like to have a plan, Im terrible.

My DH's first wife was 9 years older than him (and they only split when she went off with someone even younger than him.) He is now married to me and I am 11 years younger than he is. So clearly DH does not give a crap about how old his DPs are, and I am sure there are many more guys like him out there who just go for the woman they like and don't really care about her age.

Really though, I don't think age matters hugely unless you let it, and I can think of quite a lot of age gap relationships (anything from 10 to 30 year gaps) which have been perfectly successful and very happy.

Obviously, if you don't want any more children and he really wants to become a dad at some point then you do have a problem - but that is a problem you could have in any relationship with a guy of any age. It isn't just an age-gap thing.

So I say give him a chance, see where it goes. You may realise he is ridiculously young and just a fun shag. He may be a good DP for a while, but ultimately not what you need. He may be your ideal man. Who knows. But don't write him off just because he is a bit of a young 'un.

No not confused TheSecond I understand but I wonder if its possible? Without getting hurt. I wasnt looking for this but when I met him I liked him but didnt think it could develop into more. Rather than say thanks but no thanks Iv carried on to see him thinking I can do the whole friends with benefits kind of thing. Thats what the post is about but when people started to say how things have worked for them Iv asked questions about it and answered why I feel how I do.

Thanks EvilEnabler :)
Iv so got to think more like you :) Yeah Im def gonna give him a chance like I said its early days and your right we may not suit.

Thanks Crystal :)
I get confused with gut instints and fear!
I have to be brave otherwise I will never date. Im trying to prepare myself I guess. What I should be doing is feeling positive and thinking what is meant to be will be without bloody questioning everything. Iv got to chill.

Crystal.. He knows obviously I have kids but I dont bring them up in convo as I feel I want to keep this separate. Obviously if he asks anything I will say.
TheSecond wow good for you :) Hm yes this is true. How do I say it though? I dont want to come accross as pushy or needy. Iv been told to act cool ha!

I don't think the age matters as such its the emotional maturity of that person and what you are both expecting from the relationship.

I have had two relationships with much younger men. The first was a disaster. I fell for him big time despite both of us entering into it as fwb - I kept hoping it might be more and he would hint that it was and in the end he buggered off travelling and going to festivals saying he didn't want anything serious but the sex was fun!! (Fingers truly burnt! - lesson learnt, know what you're entering into).

Then I met my now dh who was funny enough the same age as previous guy (early 20's) and couldn't be more different he is totally committed and has been from the beginning, loves my dd aged 9 and we are expecting a baby next week (eeeek!)

I think just know yourself what you want in your heart, don't go along with a fwb set up if that's not what you want - but the same would be true of any age gap or "normal" relationship.

The age gap here is not relevant. You don't sound cut out for FWB OP.

So I am gonna get hurt TheSecond. Oh I dont know new to all this.
I agree its about emotional maturity too Wiggle. Congrats to you guys :)
I think any kind of relationship is gonna be scary whatever the circumstances. In my heart Im ready to date, to move on.
Helltotheno.. Hm maybe your right. I need to find out what he wants really first as if it is fwb then I know where I stand its just not easy asking without sounding like you want instant commitment.