Dilemma regarding ex.

[StuckintheBellJar]

I split from my ex last January. He very quickly found somebody else.

The reasons I threw him out were many. Messing about on dating sites, emailing prostitutes and an inability to manage his finances. He is on long term sick for depression.

Now here is the issue: we've started seeing each other and sleeping together again. I know this means that he's cheating on his new girlfriend but that's not really my problem.

I do still love him and we were always great friends. We have a lot of fun and we were TTC when we split. We don't have any actual children.

He now wants to come back home. I do miss him and I'm very lonely. Could this work or am I insane? The sex we've been having is amazing and we've had a lot of fun as well heart to hearts.

Help!

Nope.

Sorry.

Do you want an honest opinion?

You want to get back with a man who cheated on you and who is currently cheating with you.

What, realistically, do you think is going to happen? He's going to turn into Mr Faithful Homebody?

He has clearly shown you that he's a cheat with zero respect for women. What on earth makes you think he'll change?

It's entirely up to you what you do of course, but if you get back with him, you'll have no right to complain when he dips his wick into some other woman. You really won't. Because you'll have chosen that life, chosen him, KNOWING he's habitually unfaithful.

I seriously doubt it will end well. If you do choose this, I would suggest you put having children with him on the backest of all backburners.

So what has changed about him?

He WILL cheat on you. probably, to start with, the GF.
He'll carry on emailing prostitutes, adn be equally feckless with money.

For the love of GOD, you have no reason (other than poor judgement) to be with this man, there are a BILLION men in the world MILES better than him.

Why settle for him? A shag is a shag, you can get good ones pretty much anywhere.

Don't fall for it. You are smarter than that!

What Hecate said.

I really feel for you. Being alone is horrible. But this guy is a wanker: that's the writing on the wall in letters 10 feet high. Only take him back if you really feel you're not worth any more than that...ever.

What is different then?

Walk away. I can guarantee that even if he isn't at the moment, he will soon be "messing about on dating sites, emailing prostitutes" and will still have the "inability to manage his finances". include the fact that he is unable to be faithful, and I can't really see why on earth you are with him.

Take up a new hobby, meet up with friends. Do anything you like, but please break up with him and absolutely do not allow him to move back in.

He seems a lot more honest now. He's off the meds and is considering looking for work.

I'm also worried that my family will not accept him the second time round. I have a very feisty mother. I thinking that if he actually gets a job, it may help.

Sorry. Cross posted with everyone else.

honest?

so his girlfriend knows he's shagging you then?

Your mother sounds very sensible....

Not your problem? You are the OM. Why is it that you are considering it, I am confused.

What gives you the impression he'll change? Right now, you're rewarding him for being unfaithful. Why should he do things differently?

Do you really think that bringing more people like him into the world is a good thing?

Loneliness, I'd like a family, I've been on dates recently and they were all crap, is still feels lovely being cuddled up with him...

I'm probably crazy.

The reasons you threw him out haven't changed - and neither has he.

You would be insane to take him back and you'd be certifiable if you ttc with this particular bellend.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to start making your life more meaningful by getting out and about and finding ways of filling the time you spend moping over him with more interesting pursuits.

FWIW, I suspect that you are currently attracted to him because you're getting one over on his present squeeze and that is no reason whatsoever to feel pleased with yourself, or delude yourself into thinking that he 'really cares' about you.

The fact that he has no compunction about having sex with you and another mug woman should tell you all you need to know about him, and you're also best advised to get yourself checked out for sexually transmitted diseases asap.

Yes. Probably.

Look, you'll be a damned sight more lonely when you've hitched your wagon to el Dirtbag and he's off at night shagging the neighbour while you're at home with the kids.

Choose a different life for yourself, please.

A lot more honest now does not equal shagging behind his current girlfriends back.

I say get back with him. You don't seem to give a shit he is cheating on his current girlfriend. You are well suited,you him, the prostitutes and anyone else he finds online.

Tell his current girlfriend so she can go get a complete STI check and then get a much better life.

If you are stupid enough to decide to TTC again with him, have an STI check every what 3? 6 months. Last thing you want to do is risk the health of an innocent.

Actually seriously tempted to use him to get pregnant. He has actually stated that he would be happy with this.

You really are mad!

You dumped him for being a worthless cheating tosser and you have rewarded him for that behaviour by shagging him again.

You need to lift your self-worth out of the gutter and start to see yourself as someone who is worth having.

I like the sound of your mum. Why don't you just say to her, "Mum, I am thinking of going back with X." Just say it and listen to her response.

The reasons I threw him out were many. Messing about on dating sites, emailing prostitutes and an inability to manage his finances. He is on long term sick for depression.

So, has any of that changed? Or is your loneliness and the fact that he's 'choosing' you over someone else rose tinting your reality?

Try to remember what it was like in practice. Not the sex, but the other 23 hours a day. The who's making dinner and paying the gas bill part. Were you happy?

That would be a very stupid thing to do.

Think of the child that you bring into the world and the father you saddle them with. Is he the father that your child deserves?

Will he be a consistent presence in his child's life? How the hell is a man with no job going to financially provide for his child? What is a child going to learn from him?

I hear you that you're lonely. But you don't bring a human being into the world because you want someone to love you.

You really would be better off accessing some counselling to get yourself a bit more together before doing something as important as bringing another person into the world.

Stuck in, get a fucking grip on yourself. The last thing any unborn child needs is to be born into a family where one parent is using the other for any reason. If you want to be pregnant, find someone worth your time.

Can't help but think... if he cheat on her with you... he is gonna cheat on you with someone else.... period.

I have tried to find someone else, but it never seems to go anyway. I've been on a few dates (joined a dating site). None of them even tried to set up a second date, kiss me or anything else.

Looking into a void of childless spinsterhood.....

And the fact that he's currently cheating on the person he's supposed to be with might be flattering, but it's hardly indicative of a new attitude to commitment is it.