Dilemma regarding ex.

[StuckintheBellJar]

I split from my ex last January. He very quickly found somebody else.

The reasons I threw him out were many. Messing about on dating sites, emailing prostitutes and an inability to manage his finances. He is on long term sick for depression.

Now here is the issue: we've started seeing each other and sleeping together again. I know this means that he's cheating on his new girlfriend but that's not really my problem.

I do still love him and we were always great friends. We have a lot of fun and we were TTC when we split. We don't have any actual children.

He now wants to come back home. I do miss him and I'm very lonely. Could this work or am I insane? The sex we've been having is amazing and we've had a lot of fun as well heart to hearts.

Help!

As one who finds your tale eerily familiar (an ex who was unfaithful, suffered mental breakdown, appalling with money now he's on his own, who was professing he wanted to return) that your ex is only going to bring you misery and anxiety.

At the basis of any successful, secure and long term relationship is trust and respect. You deserve that and, even more so, does any child that you bring into the world. Why would you deliberately disadvantage your child in that way?

You don't have children keeping you in one place - about time you spread your wings a bit, dumping this useless man in the process.

Mid thirties. The clock seems very loud.

Stuck.You know what happened to the auther of your M'snet name.She was driven to it by a lying,cheating pig.Don't go there.Don't even think about taking him back.Take care of yourself.

The drive to meet someone is very real your body is telling you something.
My friend met someone when she was 39 years old on a 40th birthday weekend in Newquay. She had a beautiful little girl @ 41. She, dp and her daughter are a lot happier than me at the mo! I do wish I'd tried harder to get out there and meet someone who my little girl could look up to and respect. Try a singles break, sailing lessons, volunteer anything to try and meet these elusive 'decent' men x

I think some responses have been a little harsh..this isn't AIBU

OP, this man clearly is a bit of a waster, not that nice, but he has got you thinking well, there's not much better out there, maybe he will do? But to be honest, that's a really bad place to be. We only get one life, don't let this leech ruin yours by having a baby with him and tying yourself to him forever.

If you want a baby, can love and provide for it, and are prepared to go it alone, then why not go down the IVF route. If I hadn't got pregnant by 30, it was my intention to do exactly that, I wasn't prepared to wait around in the hope a half decent man might some day come along...

My own experience is that I had one child with a man who has never been around and doesn't even know DS exists, so have been totally alone. I then had a second child with a nasty abusive twat who is still around. I can say categorically the first situation has been far easier to deal with.

Stuck - just wanted to say that I think some of the replies you've had have been a bit harsh. I have to agree that taking this man back doesn't seem like a good idea - the chances are that he won't change. I also feel that it's not very nice of you to be sleeping him when you know he has a girlfriend.

However, some of the things you've said have really resonated with me. I remember being 38, childless and single. It's hard - really, really hard. As you say, it's like everyone else has been invited to a party you're not invited to. And I can see the dilemma in wondering whether to settle for someone who might be able to give you the child(ren) you want so much.

I wouldn't have been brave enough to try IVF, etc, but, as others have mentioned, could it be an option for you?

I hope you make the right decisions.

I think it's going to be the IVF. I have reported one of the posts.

Agree some replies have been harsh.

I understand your feelings really. Remember that actually having babies - and particularly having them with an abusive wanker- is NO party at all.

Not every woman in her mid thirties/late thirties will meet someone wonderful and have babies- although a lot will- but the fate of childlessness is a hell of a lot better than having a baby with a tosser and having to bring it up alone.

Stuck I think if you're prepared to do it alone then that's the right decision.

Much better than making do with a tosser, simply because he's less of a tosser than some others.

It's also better than pinning all your hopes on meeting the right man, and either him not coming along at all, not meeting him for another 5 years, or him not being sure about wanting children, or either of you having fertility issues. I have friends in just about every one of those situations unfortunately.

I don't think that you are insane but confused and disillusioned. It probably feels like a "new" relationship but it's NOT
Its him trying to worm his way back into your bed, home and heart. Remember all the hurt and pain he caused you previously - Don't for one minute forget what that felt like, are you ready to go through it again, even if he has turned into a saint which I very much doubt at the slightest hint you get of him being up to no good, you will return back to that dark place.
I would end it now, tell him he was JUST a fuckbuddy while you were waiting for a nice guy to come along, but now it's very much over and not to slam the door on the way out :)

I don't think the responses have been unduly harsh by any stretch of the imagination. I think the OP is a damn fool and she would do well to take note of the 'harsh' responses.

Those 'harsh' responses from Izzy, Xales, etc (didn't see squeaky's) come from the heart because people actually really care.

I think I'd really get on with your mum

I became harsh once it became clear the OP was simply justifying this wankstain's behaviour in response to reasoned replies