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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

SIL wants financial help for her wedding - causing family rift because we refuse....

132 replies

Orinoco · 20/02/2006 21:53

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vitomum · 20/02/2006 21:55

that is one of the biggest cheeks i have ever heard! i don;t think you should have to justify yourself at all.

cupcakes · 20/02/2006 21:55

They want you personally to contribute to the wedding? That's madness! It's one thing to approach your parents (practically expected) but your siblings?
Very, very weird.

cupcakes · 20/02/2006 21:56

Unless they were poor church mice and you were the Beckhams I find this inconceivable!

Hulababy · 20/02/2006 21:56

What? You SIL wants YOu to pay towards her wedding?

If they can't afford the wedding they are planning, they should do it cheaper, more simple and pay fr it themselves that way.

I think it is extremely rude to ask relatives to pay for the wedding. Maybe parents if you must (much better if they offer beforehand), but other relatives!!! NO!

cupcakes · 20/02/2006 21:57

Say 'fine - we're renewing our vows. At your expense.'

FrayedKnot · 20/02/2006 21:57

You're joking aren't you?!

Is it the accepted thing in your family for family members (other than parents) to contribute to weddings?

Did they contribute to yours?

Sorry that's no help to you probably but it sounds totally out of order.

goldstarlover · 20/02/2006 21:57

good god! there is no way on earth I would help someone pay for their wedding! especially if they ASKED me to!

disgusting.

they want to get married they pay for it. if they can't afford it then they'll have to have a smaller wedding

expatinscotland · 20/02/2006 21:58

WTF?! She wants you to contribute to a wedding? I can see if it were to pay for life-saving operation or medical treatment, or help w/rent if one of htem suddenly lost a job, had an accident and couldn't work, etc.

But a wedding?

Sorry, but, I say if they want to fall out b/c of that then to hell with them!

That's so far beyond ridiculous it'd be funny if it weren't so pathetic.

Katymac · 20/02/2006 21:59

Say you are saving for your children's weddings

Beetroot · 20/02/2006 22:00

offer to make the cake

hayles · 20/02/2006 22:00

Hi, i think you have a VERY fair point, why should you contribute to anyone else's wedding anyway?? If their income is as high as it is then they should save and have the wedding they want, and they should not expect help from anyone. You are in a very difficult situationj however with the MIL as you wouldn't want to disturb the peace, but i think you should make your point clear.
We are in the situation that we cannot afford to get married, i would love a dream wedding and i know tht other members of the family are wealthier and at the other end of the scale a lot worse off then us, but i would never ever dream of asking anyone else to foot the bill for my wedding, and anyway shouldn't it be the mother and father of the bride who pay for their daughter's wedding????????? Good Luck x

JanH · 20/02/2006 22:01

How much is the wedding going to cost, if they can't afford it on their pay?

Orinoco · 20/02/2006 22:01

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LIZS · 20/02/2006 22:02

er, I think not . Suggest she economises and saves up or sells tickets to all their social friends to self finance it. It is a wedding, you cannot keep the peace by definition.

expatinscotland · 20/02/2006 22:04

Sorry Orinoco but that's a crock of shit to give someone heat about not being able to help a sibling out w/something as trivial as a wedding. Honestly, I know a wedding means a lot to some people but it's not a life or death matter and it's not like you've got a lot of spare cash lying about.

Mazzystar · 20/02/2006 22:04

thats effing ridiculous. what kind of princess is she? is she aware of the difference in your incomes?

although, if you otherwise like her, i'd offer to contribute some other way, make the invitations, help with the flowers or something.

BettySpaghetti · 20/02/2006 22:05

If I were you I would definately contribute.....

...........not money but this book

doormat · 20/02/2006 22:07

cant beleive this the cheeky bastards
tell mil and fil to stump up if they are that concerned

Katymac · 20/02/2006 22:07

even if you were well off and they weren't - they shouldn't have asked for help

mummytosteven · 20/02/2006 22:08

Your MIL is being absolutely ridiculous. All you need for a wedding are 2 witnesses and the register office fees. If that's all they can afford, so be it!

Orinoco · 20/02/2006 22:09

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IvortheEngine · 20/02/2006 22:09

I think it's bang out of order. People should pay for their own weddings (or the parents of the bride or groom if that is their wish). You shouldn't be asked to contribute, unless, as cupcakes said, they were poor and you were rolling in it. The answer is no. I wouldn't even give a reason. If they are so unreasonable as to ask in the first place then I think any reason you did give would be thought to be inadequate, anyway. Stand firm and good luck!

P.S. I once helped someone out with wedding costs. I wasn't rolling in it by any means but wanted to make a gesture. The item I helped to buy was later sold and I wasn't offered any share of the proceeds, then or at any point later. I put it down to experience but was only moderately generous at that same person's second wedding. And now I think of it, no, I didn't get a thank you the second time, though they definitely banked the cheque. If they marry again, I doubt I'll go to it or send a card - sod 'em!

doormat · 20/02/2006 22:11

orinoco pay for your fares
and jack shit else

Hulababy · 20/02/2006 22:12

£20000!!!!!!!

If they are forking out £20000 on a wedding they are not even trying to do it on the cheap at all. If they can't afford £20000 then they should make cuts!

I am truely at even the suggestion you should have to pay towards this wedding.

Orinoco · 20/02/2006 22:14

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